Ok. WTF. MORON MOLLEE YOU DID THIS!!! YOU DID THIS!!! YOU WENT ALL NOMI MALONE ON POOR ASHLEIGH. That whole cover story about the lift is BULLSHIT. I KNOW YOU DID THIS MOLLEE GRAY! I KNOW IT!

Kathryn McCormick & Ryan Di Lello
Disco — Doriana Sanchez
Last Dance — Donna Summer (Samantha Ronson Remix)

Obviously, the judges want to off Kathryn and Ryan, as they are given disco. And they’re going first. Is their second number of the evening going to be the quickstep? But I soooo love how Ryan raided Brian Boitano’s closet. AWESOMENESS. TURQUOISE. LOVES IT.

They’re such adorable little disco freaks. It works for them. I want Ryan’s teeth bleach. Samantha Ronson’s “exclusive” remix wasn’t very exciting…at all. (If Moron Mollee goes in a desirable spot (i.e., final two pairs of the night), I might punch my wall.) The judges–sans 1980s British Hair (who is rocking the vinyl sportcoat tonight)– think they’re adorable and solid. They’re saving their more enthusiastic praise for others, even if Crazy Mary lets out a whoop. She made me giggle when she used the word clarity. Even though I dug it, gotta say I did totally think Ryan was a bit “stiff”, but that’s just how Pearly Whites dances.

Mollee Gray and Jakob Karr (YAY! She’s not going last! But come on! Pairing her with uber-favorite Jakob??)
Jason Gilkinson — Viennese Waltz
Ordinary Day — Vanessa Carlton

During rehearsals, Moron Mollee tries to show the audience she can count. I bet she can’t get past 8.

THIS SUCKS. ZERO CHEMISTRY. Moron Mollee totally tripped over her steps a couple of times. It becomes increasingly obvious how weak she is when paired with more skilled dancers (i.e., Jakob, anyone who even made it to Vegas on this show). I have no idea why Adam Shankman is blabbering on about how great it was, except for the fact I think Jakob totally needs to be his boy toy. His excessive praise for Mollee is unwarranted and most likely scripted. I will continue to believe The Great Mia Michaels left the show because she refused to deal with Moron Mollee. Are these people completely blind to the fact they had NO CHEMISTRY?? It was like a six-year-old dancing with her cool gay uncle.

To make it even worse, a pan to choreographer Jason Gilkinson reveals POWDER is in the audience, along with an obnoxious Mollee tard sign. Wow. I actually miss Powder. I would readily have Powder back over Moron Mollee. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but its true. The first season I watched Idol, I hated Carrie Underwood. Then I watched the next year and was introduced to Kellie Pickler. I vowed never to watch Idol again…which, uh, we now know were fateful words, indeed. Anyway, this is how I see it:

Farmbot Underwood : Powder :: Kellie Pickler : Moron Mollee

I am almost compelled to pick up my phone and vote for Ashleigh.

Ellenore Scott and Legacy Perez
Contemporary — Travis Wall
Machine Gun — Portishead

SYTYCD is revisiting the Mr. & Mrs. Smith thematic once again. Didn’t they do this last season? To music from…Mr. & Mrs. Smith? Now I know the awesome Jeanine Mason did a solo tango to a song featured in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but I would have sworn there was also a routine at some point, no? (Speaking of, ONTD has a hilarious post about more tidpits from the Ian Halperin-penned Bradgelina bio…why does part of me want to read that shit? I mean, that’s the kind of book you NEVER bring out in public and I like to read on the subway.)

I love Ellenore and Legacy. I also think you have no soul if you don’t like Legacy. If I voted on this shit, I would be speed dialing based on his INTENSE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS alone. But let’s be fair, he’s the most interesting dancer of the season. And this Travis Wall routine (with some Dubstep-esque Portishead–YAY!) is off the hook. It’s so interesting to watch it immediately after the ho-hum Viennese Waltz. This was all angry sex appeal and oh yeah, it was compelling from start to finish. And the contrast in sheer chemistry between the two, I mean, WHOA. Hands down. If Ellenore and Legacy don’t make it to the Top 4 (Yes, I know the finale is Top 6), I may be compelled to start dashing off Glambert-esque missives to the idiots at Fox and 19 Entertainment.

If Crazy Mary does not stick them on her goddamned hot tamale train, I will take away all her Captain Morgan (Oh, sweet, sweet, Captain Morgan. How I long for your nectar mixed with a diet cola. Alas. I must abstain as I am taking inspiration from Gandhi in my protest of being forced to watch Moron Mollee every damned week.) What?? NO TRAIN?? Well, I suppose I will just be happy with 1980s British Hair suggesting Travis Wall may receive an Emmy nomination for his SICK routine.

AWWWW…look who is coming down off the bad shit and decided to come to stumble into his caretaker’s lap?

Jakob Karr
When You Say My Name — Mario Spinetti

He’s a great dancer. He’s very flexible. He enjoys wearing cowlnecks.

Okay…did we see 8 dancers? Where is Russell? I know Ashleigh can’t dance, but where the hell is Russell? Ah, okay. I was worried!

(Ashleigh Di Lello) and Russell Ferguson
Hip Hop — Shane Sparks
Too Much Booty 2 — (Bobby J Remix) Soundmaster T & Jah-Rista featuring Korveil

Damn. I wish Ashleigh was dancing this (Oooh! She’s from Utah! Why are all these dancers Mormons???) because I wanted to see if she could bring it in a down ‘n’ dirty street hip hop routine. Instead, Russell will be dancing with Shane Sparks assistant, Rachel. (How do I become a choreographer’s assistant?)

For some reason, I think Ashleigh would have killed it much more so than Rachel the Assistant, who looks like the most unlikely assistant to a well-respected hip hop choreographer, as I clearly give of more of a hood rat vibe than this chick. I’ve decided I am a huge Russell fan because I am so in love with the genuine glee I so often see on his face when dancing, and this was especially true in this number. (But hell, I will definitely admit to having a bias towards the krumpers and bboys on this show.)

1980s British Hair wants to touch your breasts.

Mollee Gray
Heartburn — Alicia Keys

Contempo Casuals called. They want their window display back. Mollee should really know by now she can’t pull off the such outfits. These beautiful ensembles should only be reserved for four goddesses in Seaside Heights named Snooki, Sammi, Joile and JWoww. The only good thing about Mollee is that we don’t need an composite photo to see what JonBenet Ramsey would look like right now. (Yes. I went there. I might regret it later, but…sigh. I couldn’t help myself.)

Kathryn McCormick and Ryan Di Lello
Cha Cha — Jason Gilkinson
Put Your Hands On Me — Joss Stone

Is Kathryn wearing special socks? Because I have no idea how she can dance in those purple babies. So slippery! For some reason, I am reminded of my early childhood when Solid Gold was on TV, and sometimes I would watch it for no particular reason, except perhaps I was waiting for Fight Back! With David Horowitz to air after, but Mother of Top Idol would walk into the family room (they would go out on Saturday nights) and would tell me how no one could actually dance in such high heels. Yes, random. I know.

Ryan is totally bringing out his inner Hugh Jackman for this number. This particular duo has fantastic chemistry, in fact, I think they’ve both exhibited good chemistry with most of their previous partners. That’s the sign of a good dancer, I tell ya! (Well…I think so…) I am sincerely happy Kathryn and Ryan are getting due props from the judges panel. OMG OMG OMG.

WHOO WHOO!!! ALL ABOARD THE HOT TAMALE TRAIN!!!

(BTW, I think Crazy Mary’s also been drinking from Nigel’s cup tonight, because come on, look at the proximity of the cups? From one drunk to another, Crazy Mary, I’m onto you. Holy shit. I don’t know if 1980s British Hair moved his cup because he thought she was going to knock it over or because he thinks she’s had too much. I need a .gif of that shit.)

Legacy Perez
Fancy Footwork — Chromeo

If you don’t love watching this man dance, you suck. HOLY SHIT THE HEAD SPINS!!! THE HEAD SPINS!!! Legacy Perez is the most electric of all electric boogaloos.

Ellenore Scott
I Got The Feelin’ — James Brown

Ellenore is another one whose joy of dancing is completely obvious. Cat Deeley agrees. I love you Cat Deeley.

Russell Ferguson
Holiday Buckness – Tha J-Squad

Ok. Santa Krump. Santa Krump. I think I just fell totally in love with Santa Krump. That might have been the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen on this show. Santa Krump. Santa Krump even lost his shoe (was that choreographed?) and still brought it. Santa Krump now has a place in my heart next to Ade’s Pick and Quatto the Mole!!! If that doesn’t get Russell Ferguson and his teddy bear into the finale, then I will have lost all hope in humanity.

Mollee Gray and Jakob Karr
Broadway — Joey Dowling
Easy Street — Annie (Original TV Soundtrack) –Samantha Ronson Remix

In this routine, Mollee and Jakob are con artists, except Moron Mollee is–SURPRISE–a moron and Jakob is the brains behind the operation. (Oh, sweet metaphor!)

I’m definitely not…stupid…but, I’m definitely not like, really, really, really, really mastermind on con-artism? (giggle giggle) Oh man…(giggle giggle)

Exhibit A — Why little girls should never be forced to forge a livelihood on stage in pageants and dance recitals. I am now more convinced than ever that Mollee Gray has a 6th grade education.

The routine was boring. Mollee Moron is actually bringing Jakob down–I still cannot pick up on any discernible chemistry and while the acrobatics are always a nice touch, they can’t make up for the fact that I just can’t stand this chick. I’m sure she’s a sweet kid, but…get her off my TV screen. I just always get the feeling I’m watching a child in a dance recital and her complete lack of maturity is apparent in every performance. I have no clue as to why the judges have shoved this girl down our throats all season. I have no clue as to why Adam Shankman virtually compared Mollee to Ann Reinking! Ann Reinking!!! NEVER!!! Just because it was a song from Annie and she started off in a trenchcoat? Please oh please oh please I just want the season to be over so Shankman can hook it up with Jakob. Am I the only one sensing the flirtation? 1980s British Hair tells Mollee Moron she needs to go to Broadway. Ok, as long as she doesn’t ever get to sing or act. Maybe she can be Constantine Maroulis’ next co-star. Cat Deeley thinks she looks like a little absinthe fairy. I think I would need to freebase absinthe to hang around Mollee.

Kathryn McCormick
Shadowfeet — Brooke Fraser

One of the rather underrated contestants, Kathryn has grown on me throughout the season. She also really has “grown” more than many of the other dancers and I’m happy she’s made it this far.

(The Gap’s holiday ads are making me want to put a bullet in my head. Or at least smack around the creative team that came up with that crap.)

Ellenore Scott and Legacy Perez
Hip Hop — Tabitha and Napoleon D’Umo
People Are Strange — The Doors (District 78 Remix)

SYTYCD is also revisiting aliens this week. While I usually like the Nappy Tabs stuff, I must admit they made a total misstep with last week’s porn dance. (EW’s Kristen Baldwin agrees.) Let’s hope they fair better with the umpteenth SYTYCD alien dance.

While Ellenore is good, its hard to go move for move in a hip hop routine with Legacy. His moves are noticeably tighter and its almost as if she’s there to showcase his talents. Compared to their first dance, this was entirely meh. But really…why the hell were they and the judges making the world’s most annoying noises? Kind of impressive, perhaps…more than the dance? Nappy Tabs, are you guys slipping?

Ryan Di Lello
Din Da Da — Kevin Aviance

Is the person who sings this song the guy who did the Cha Cha Slide? I really hope Ryan gets his rightful gig as a full-time Dancing With The Stars pro. Ok. While its always going to come off cheesy when a ballroom dancer does…anything, I gotta admit, I am kind of touched that he urged voters to pick up the phones for his wife when it came time to pimp himself. It’s how to pimp a wife on reality TV, really–its okay when she’s not dead AND on the same show as you, one which requires popular voting.

(Ashleigh Di Lello) and Russell Ferguson
Bollywood — Nakul Dev Makajan
Spirit of Rangeela

This is absolutely heartbreaking. Not only could I have seen Ashleigh and Russell dance that incredible hip hop number, they would have closed out the show with BOLLYWOOD!!! BOLLYWOOD!!! My heart is breaking right now, it really, really is. While nothing could compare to Katee and Joshua’s Bollywood tour de force in Season 4, this would have definitely been better than the Powder monstrosity from last season. Alas. It’s still Russell (SANTA KRUMP!!!) and it’s still Bollywood, so I suppose I can muster up some excitement.

Nakul’s assistant, Alicia, has taken her place. Ok. I so love this dance. Damn you, Ashleigh’s doctors. Oh well. Any excuse to watch Bollywood dancing. OMG That lift! It must have been what did it, although I still blame Mollee for going all Nomi Malone on Ashleigh as they got ready for the show. You know that’s how it went down.

Hmmm…I’m starting to think judge’s darling Jakob may be going home tomorrow night? Perhaps Mollee will join him? Sadly, I worry it will be Kathryn, which will be completely unfair and utter bullshit, but she actually came on the show and proved herself and didn’t rely on undeserved pimpage.

But you know who IS safe? SANTA KRUMP!!!

Spread the word. Do it.

But since the judges no longer have control (well…), I’m counting on the people that vote for this crap

Noelle Marsh and Ryan Di Lello
Hip Hop — Tabitha & Napoleon

Is this hip hop or a porn? Ryan kind of makes me giggle doing hip hop, but I still like him. The office porn routine is cute and Noelle keeps getting better. I sooooo hope she’s ditched former BFF Mollee Moron. The porn routine ends all politically correct when Noelle complains of “harassment” to Ryan, her “employer”.

Ashleigh Di Lello and Legacy Perez
Contemporary — Gary Stewart
The Poison — Prodigy

I don’t even have to pay attention to know they’re gonna nail it. Ashleigh is sick. Legacy makes funny faces, and although this is contemporary and not b-boy, the entire routine is in his ballpark. Gary Stewart…have I seen him before? He’s the most non-choreographer-looking choreographer I’ve ever seen!

Mollee Gray
Rock The Beat — LM*AO

(Is that really the artist of the song? Because I LMAO whenever I see this nitwit.)

OMG. How the hell are you so damn annoying? And why are you dressed in your trailer finest on national TV? Maybe if you would have gotten a GED, you would have more sense. I’m scared. Mollee Gray almost makes me miss POWDER aka Season 5′s Kayla Radomski!

Mollee Moron was a dead ringer for Jon Benet Ramsey. (I know. Bad pun.) Mollee Moron is still pissed because she didn’t become a star as a background dancer in those High School Musical shit. Her mother is one of those pretty milf types found mainly in Utah (re: Mormon) and the brother is actually named GAGE GRAY. This family is more saccharine than a dozen dead lab rats at the Sweet ‘n’ Low factory. Oh, in case you were wondering, her solo totally sucked. I’m not even sure what she did exactly.

Russell Ferguson
Outros — Black Milk

I like Russell and not just because he krumps. I love his family. And he’s from Roxbury. Russell is good people. He is the anti-Mollee. If he stuck a pick in those dreads, he would be my future husband.

Kathryn McCormick and Nathan Trasoras
Broadway — Spencer Liff
Choreography — Danny Kaye

The slicked-back hair and retro costuming makes Nathan look like the bisexual lovechild of k.d. lang and Shia LeBeouf. The judges love them, but think they lack chemistry. (Isn’t Kathryn at least a few years older than k.d. Lebeouf?) Meh. Kathryn looks gorgeous. Love the red lipstick.

Noelle Marsh
Every Time It Rains – Charlotte Martin

Small town + big family + trampoline + diploma (no GED). Ain’t Noelle just the epitome of wholesome? But while I know Mollee Moron and Noelle are the same age, it seems as if Noelle has a couple of years on her–not only in dancing, but in her overall demeanor. I just sense a greater maturity with this one. (Yes, I know I must shut up about Moron Mollee but she annoys me so! I can’t help it! I promise once she gets her ass booted I will stop.)

Ellenore Scott and Jakob Karr
Quickstep — Melanie Lapatin and Tony Meredith
Four Brothers

It’s official. I hate the quickstep. It does nothing for me. I like both Ellenore and Jakob, but his jazz hands stole the show. His jazz hands were the gayest, jazziest hands I’ve ever seen. I think Crazy Mary is on the sauce again even though her drink is rather full. I will simply believe she keeps topping it off during the routines. Shankman is a huge fan. I realize I want Jakob Karr to be Adam Shankman’s muse/cabana boy.

Ryan Di Lello
Rock You Like a Hurricane — The Scorpions

He was a product of dancing beget by two other products of dancing. I almost find it a bit sweet. He says he’s a born entertainer. AND OMG I LOVE HIS (STEP)DAD, this misty-eyed burly man named Wylie Anderson.

LOVE DAD OF RYAN. So sweet. I can be such a sap. Must be because I mixed the pad thai with Lorazepam this evening.

And I love Ryan even more right now because he, are you ready? HE DANCES TO THE SCORPIONS!!! It may be my most favorite solo EVER.

Kathryn McCormick
Beautiful — Bethany Dillon

How did I forget about Kathryn’s stage mommy. Why don’t dancers go to college? My niece is a dance major, I mean…its better to just go out and move to L.A. or something? Kathryn’s mom likes to cry. Now I know where Kathryn gets it!

Mollee Gray and Russell Ferguson
Lyrical Jazz — Mandy Moore
It Must Have Been Love — Roxette

How could they let this twit near my boy Russell? How could they allow her to bastardize one of Roxette’s greatest hits, dammit? HOW? WHY? I don’t think Mollee has gained maturity with a more mature partner…in fact, I sensed zero chemistry and zero emotion. The best part was seeing Sonya Tayeh!!! in the audience. Oh come on, Nigel, Mollee Moron DID NOT become a young woman in a week’s time just because she’s wearing apparel previously seen in Massengil commercials. When Mollee scratches Russell’s stomach, I totally cringe. Blech. And now Crazy Mary is talking about CHEMISTRY. This show is so damn rigged. I cannot take it anymore.

Nathan Trasoras
Golden Train — Justin Nozuka

Nathan needs to muss his hair in order for me to like him again. He already lost dead weight Mollee, but now he’s been saddled with that unfortunate slicked-back ‘do. And his family looked sweet, but I don’t buy the continuation tears on stage up there with Cat…not as well as I did in his “personality package”.

Noelle Marsh and Ryan Di Lello
Waltz
Jeux d’eau — O (Cirque du Soleil)

Ryan looks like a Disney prince. It kind of works for him. When this guy gets a permanent gig on Dancing With The Stars, I don’t think I’ll watch it, but I may check out a couple of his clips on Hulu or something. I like Noelle…even though I fear she will be Wednesday’s sacrificed brunette!

Ellenore Scott
Beatbox Harmonica — Yuri Lane

Ellenore is an engaging dancer because she always looks like she’s having the time of her life. She’s unique. Her solo was infinitely better than Moron Mollee, as is her effervescent smile.

Ashleigh Di Lello and Legacy Perez
Hip Hop — Dave Scott
Slow Down — Bobby Valentino

NOOOOOO. NO TWILIGHT SHIT. Now tell me…is there anything Ashleigh CANNOT do? She is by far this year’s strongest female dancer. Hands down. Getting hip hop for their second routine will also help solidify Legacy’s spot in the competition for some time longer. Plus, the dude has a fan base. And makes the best faces! Ruh roh. Nigel wasn’t feeling it. And then he bashes on Dave Scott. I do agree that there could have been a bit more dancing…uh…do these judges EVER disagree with one another?

Kathryn McCormick and Nathan Trasoras
Rumba — Melanie Lapatin and Tony Meredith
Walk On By — Aretha Franklin

Nathan’s facial expressions are ridiculous. Freaking me out a bit. He also was a bit unsteady when grabbing and letting go of her ass. Nigel bashes more choreographers tonight.

Legacy Perez
No Air — Chris Brown & Jordin Sparks

I love this song. I don’t care if a beater sang it. I haven’t heard it outside my iPod since…yeah, I know. No Air is pretty cheesy…but I like it. And I wonder just how much money Legacy was pulling in as a B-Boy hustler on the Santa Monica / Third Street Prominade. I bet he was making fat cash.

Ellenore Scott and Jakob Karr
Contemporary — Sonya Tayeh
Tore My Heart – OONA and Dave Tweedie

We already know this will be good because Sonya Tayeh did it. And yup. Here’s another song I will be downloading, courtesy of a Sonya Tayeh routine. I really want Sonya Tayeh to teach me how to dance. They’re just balls-out awesome. Sonya is awesome. I LOVE YOU SONYA TAYEH. This time, when the judges cream all over themselves, I’m totally okay with it. Shankman brings up The Garden, one of my all-time favorites (Courtney & Mark, Season 4 OF COURSE)! YESSSS! I was totally thinking the same thing!

Ashleigh Di Lello
Batucada Por Favor

Ashleigh had some crazy parasitic infection and is from Utah…with a blond mother with CRAZY blond hair. I am now assuming she is Mormon. Joseph Smith probably wrote a chapter about SYTYCD in that Book of Mormon. Whatevia. Ashleigh still graduated from college and is AWESOME.

NATURALLY, the final couple of the night includes MOLLEE MORON. Should I go back and COUNT how many times she’s performed last or second-to-last? (Tonight, she had the FIRST solo dance and the LAST couple routine.)

Mollee Gray and Russell Ferguson
Jive — Anya and Pasha
Land of 1000 Dances — Jimmy Barnes

Thank flying spaghetti monster this shit is almost over. I wish I could be more excited to see Russell dance again, alas, he was paired (“randomly”, of course) with Mollee Moron. Sorry, but you need to put a bag over her head if you want to convey any sort of “maturity” to the audience. Not only is she a total butter face, but she has the worst smile I’ve ever seen on the show. Russell, naturally, WAS AWESOME. I am so tired of the judges blowing smoke up her ass. She may be my least favorite SYTYCD contestant of all time. Crazy Mary even put them on the hot tamale train. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Jakob Karr
Always Midnight (Acoustic) — Pat Monahan

I like seeing photos of Jakob as a youth. And I really, really love his mother’s signage. I really like Jakob. In fact, I don’t really have any issues with any of the male contestants (although Nathan could go whenever, even though I partly want him to stay if only to spoil the judges plans)…and all the girls are good, too, well…except for ONE!!!

SYTYCD TOP 10 ELIMINATION SHOW RESULTS

I don’t feel like watching the whole damn thing, especially since it was pre-taped, but here’s what went down. Mollee lives another week. I will not be happy until she is eliminated. Who else wants that idiot kid gone? Come on! I know I’m not the only one out there!!!

Cat Deeley looked phenomenal, and people are taking issue with Tyce Diorio’s group number which promised to highlight all the contestants’ fortes. Hey, not everything Tyce does turns to gold….remember Katie Holmes? Jakob just lept around a lot. And Ryan and Ashleigh made out, which, in turn, well…we have @jambajim to thank for the ENRAGED Glamberts, now, don’t we?

Dear Dick Clark, the married couple’s kiss on tonight’s SYTYCD was just as graphic as Adam Lambert’s AMA smooch. Just sayin’. Love, Jim

Sadly, Noelle was eliminated. THE BOTTOM TWO girls were Noelle and Kathryn, because they always love to sacrifice brunettes on this show. While I think the audience got it right by eliminating Nathan, why the frak did you have RYAN DISNEY PRINCE in the bottom two? So basically, two couples were in the bottom two…are the judges happy now? As I mentioned before, I really don’t believe these partnerships were picked randomly.

Or people just wanted to get rid of those with names beginning with the letter N?

Next week, my Captain & Diet Strike will continue. I certainly will be getting thirsty soon if Miss Mollee Moron is not eliminated. Who else feels the same way? Don’t you think the judges keep shoving her down our throats and have been since hell, even before day one?

Spread the word. Do it.

Uh, hello? How awesome does Cat Deeley look? Anyone else wearing that dress would look like a baked potato in a casino buffet.

This week, we’re seeing baby photos/videos of the contestants…and the judges. Mary Murphy twirled a baton and Adam Shankman made muscle man poses during their youth.

Ashleigh Di Lello & Jakob Karr
Hip Hop–Tabitha & Napoleon Dumo
Whatcha Say–Jason Derulo

I like these two. And when Jakob was a kid, he was chunky. The photo they show is awesome–it looks like something from Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show.

The uber-popular hip hop remake of Imogen Heap’s song will always remind me of SNL’s Digital Short spoofing The OC. How can it not? This routine is about a cheating man. Jakob over-emotes, but it works. They do this kick ass flip move . I like it. Not so sure about the giant “text messages” looming in the background. NappyTabs are good people.

1980s British Hair thinks Jakob will make the Top 10 and that Ashleigh has grown at a much faster pace than he ever imagined. When Mary talks, I wonder if she has a hearing problem. Homegirl never uses the microphone. She just yells. Shankman tells Ashleigh he didn’t believe in her, but he has now seen the light.

(Didn’t they say Ellenore was next? Or did I imagine this?)

Karen Hauer & Kevin Hunte
Broadway–Spencer Liff
If My Friends Could See Me Now–Sweet Charity (2005 Broadway Revival Cast)

Karen & Kevin had a rough time of it in rehearsals, as Broadway dancing is more difficult than it looks. They’re dancing to the Kathie Lee Gifford for Carnival Cruises song. Hip Hop dancer Kevin impresses me with his ability to be super light on his feet. While I’m a fan of Karen and she maintains a fun and playful demeanor throughout the routine, she doesn’t do as much for me as Kevin does in this routine. Overall, I found the routine a bit underwhelming.

1980s British Hair may have been thinking the same thing. He didn’t enjoy cute & cuddly Karen–he prefers sexy & smoldering Karen. However, he thinks she brought more humor to the performance than Kevin. The other judges agree. And Kevin has really sparkly shoes.

Noelle Marsh & Russell Ferguson
Fox Trot–Eddie Simon
Baby (You’ve Got What It Takes)–Michael Buble

Is choreographer Eddie Simon wearing a rug or is this just a bad angle or a bad hair day?

I like Noelle and Russell, even though I think Noelle is BFF with Mollee Moron. This routine marks the first time they can actually fox trot on stage together, as Noelle’s injury forced Russell to dance with choreographer Melanie Lapatin when they originally drew the fox trot during the Top 20 week.

Michael Buble’s music does nothing for me. Russell and Noelle are almost too controlled, perhaps? But I don’t know much about the doc trot. I think they have “nice lines”, though, and I think they have an adorable chemistry together.

The judges all love it, mainly because Noelle is a cute and wholesome white girl and Russell is an affable black dude with dreads–a SYTYCD power couple! On a side note–Mary’s drink looks as its barely been touched and I don’t think it was refilled during the commercial break. Boo Mary Murphy! Drink faster!

(We’re almost halfway through with the show and still no Moron Mollee. Do her and Nathan always get to dance as in one of the final spots?)

Channing Cooke & Victor Smalley
Jazz–Tyce DiOrio
Blackbird–Bobby McFerin

I like Channing. Wow. I have a photo of my niece wearing a very similar cat costume when she was 4. Little kids dance recitals make me ill. And all the makeup! Yikes. It’s just not right. Tyce Diorio doesn’t seem to be particularly bitchy this week. I only like him when he’s not bitchy. Hmmm…he gets a little bitchy, but almost in a fun way. I bet he’s getting laid. He strikes me as someone whose mood depends on whether or not he is getting any.

Channing and Victor get to play around in a birdcage. They’re quite good, actually. I don’t understand why Channing isn’t the pimped out “bubbly blond” when she’s so much more likable and charming over the beloved Moron Mollee. And Victor is great, too. The song, meh, but the routine (and pecking) was good stuff.

1980s British Hair says Channing never looked like she enjoyed herself until now. Oh, come on. He also tries to bring Victor down by telling him he’s already awesome but needs to grow more. I am annoyed. I like these two. And they deserve to be on the show much, much, much more than Moron Mollee & Nathan AND Mary Murphy’s earrings. (OMG. Why is she not drinking? So not fun. She is so boring and scripted, so subdued, when sober.)

Kathryn McCormick & Legacy Perez
Paso Doble–Tony Meredith
Pursuit–Ka (Cirque du Soleil soundtrack)

It turns out Kathryn’s mother ran a dance studio, so Kathryn has been stuck on stage her entire life. Legacy was a rebellious child whose father bribed him to dance with him at family parties. During rehearsals for Meredith’s paso doble from hell, Legacy’s pants rip.

Legacy is dancing sans shirt. This should be good for a few votes, right? I think its fairly good, if a bit over dramatic. Legacy and Kathryn seem to be giving it their all, as apparent in their very intense facial expressions.

This is the best I’ve seen Kathryn dance and hell, Legacy doesn’t even lose his once the dancing stops. The judges are into it. And Mary is still not drinking her cocktail.

Some segment on Dizzy Feet…which I would think was cool if it didn’t involve Katie Holmes. I can’t support anything with a $cientologist’s name attached to it, sorry guys.

(Well, well, well. Down to the final two dances…and look what couple is GOING LAST?? You’ve got to be kidding me.)

Ellenore Scott & Ryan Di Lello
Contemporary–Travis Wall
Your Ex-Lover’s Dead–Stars

The son of ballroom dancers, Ryan was forced to spend his youth in bunny ears. This is by far the best music of the night. Cheesy background, yes, but great song. I like these two and do not want to see them go home. Both of them are powerful, the dancing is very strong–especially considering the number of lifts in the routine.

The judges like it. 1980s British Hair even says Ryan is the best ballroom dancer to ever do contemporary. Mary gushes over former contestant/choreographer Travis Wall. If crazy Mary was properly drunk, she would stick them on the HOT TAMALE TRAIN. Dumb bitch is saving that shit for Moron Mollee & New Moon Nathan. Wait…wait…she’s tearing up…do it, Mary, do it…put them on the train. Walking on tall cotton is not the same as the hot tamale train.

Mollee Gray & Nathan Trasoras
Hip Hop Jazz–Lorianne Gibson
Bad Romance–Lady Gaga

Moron Mollee says she was a complete diva when she was growing up. Jesus christ, I hate this dumb kid. Their routine is choreographed by the chick with the pink headphones. I totally remember her. She’s cool, but now that we’re end at the show I realize that it is yet another week without the awesome Sonya Tayeh.

I actually love Bad Romance. Not a Gaga fan, but I fraking love this song. So it totally disappoints me these idiots are dancing to it. Honestly, they’re just not that good. Mollee is way too young to convey anything but teenage emotion to anything, and the same is partially true for Nathan, although I prefer him to Moron Mollee. This whole routine is completely dull. There were no wow moments. It was like two children playing dressup.

1980s British Hair tells them they were soooo much better than last week. Perhaps, but that’s not saying much. I have no idea why 1980s British Hair is blowing smoke up her ass by complimenting her on her commitment and talent. Oh for frak’s sake. I have no understand why Nathan’s maturity is called out but Moron Mollee is praised. And then Crazy Mary calls them the dream team. This is absolutely ridiculous. I know I can’t be the only person who thinks these kids suck. At least Shankman gives them a bit of criticism…but not really…

Sigh…this is just stupid. Why am I still watching this crap?

THE RESULTS SHOW!!!

See, SYTYCD producers & judges? America hates Mollee and Nathan! That’s why they landed in the BOTTOM 3. And yes, Mollee (dressed like a streetwalker) had a great solo, but sending home Channing [over Karen] on the basis of personality was stupid. Is showing personality acting like an idiot? Because Moron Mollee flits about like a 9-year-old, which I find neither charming nor “personable.” Alas. Sad to see Channing go. And then the judges sent Kevin home because the dreadlocked Russell will fill the black quotient for the Top 10.

Spread the word. Do it.

Two hours of CAT DEELEY!!! Whoo hoo. She is such a goddess. Zelda Fitzgerald could not have even pulled off such stunning looks in her Parisian ex-pat days with F. Scott.

Okay. I’ve already decided I will hate Caitlin, who dresses kind of over-the-top skany in comparison to the others. And maybe Kayla. Because I hate “bubbly blond chicks” on these shows. Oh. And maybe Randi. Hell, she even spells her name with an i.

There should be only one blond on this show and her name is CAT DEELEY.

(I also want to know why Mia Michaels hates poor Brandon so much…perhaps I will have to wait until next week)

I have new babies!

And she said it without a teleprompter! And it was charming! Seacrest, please study this goddes intently and try to learn something. You can detect genuine enthusiasm with each vocal inflection.

And yay! Adam Shankman is here. And hell, Crazy Mary isn’t even pretending there ain’t rum in her drink. Christ, I love it. Each judge is sitting there with a plastic highball. Ooooh, And 1980s British Hair is looking more like himself than he did with that borderline crewcut he was sporting during Vegas Week.

Adam Shankman has already downed his drink and I may now have to see Step Up 3D because not only are Katee and Joshua in it, but TWITCH has a HUGE ROLE.

Ok…recap of auditions and stuff to that Fray song…Gotta admit, I’m still pissed about Natalie getting the boot. But as one TI reader suggested, she will most likely be one of the ones with a huge focus during the fall season, as it appears they built up a lot of this season’s cut dancers as potential big stars for this next round, so…

Jeanine & Phillip
Mad (Ne-Yo)

I already like Jeanine because she is a brunette with a relatively normal, strong-girl body. They’re doing a hip hop (lyrical hip hop) from Tabitha and Napoleon. I actually really like a lot of the choreographers on here, well, all except bitchy Broadway Tyce. Phillip is goofy looking in that big-earred, goofy way which somehow works for white dudes doing hip hop, but not for white dudes who just dress like they can do hip hop.

His popping and locking or whatever you call it is kind of insane. I think anyone paired with him would find it difficult to match each move exactly. He’s just to clean. Every move is just bam-bam-bam. But I like Jeanine, and she’s keeping up better than most people.

But I will totally admit to hating the song. But yes, I love Cat Deeley.

Adam Shankman says its freaking unreal and says Jeanine held her own, despite her complete and utter lack of hip hop experience. I am such a sap. I love it when Shankman gets all moved by the dancers. I want to invite him to a dinner party and drink a bunch of Chilean Malbec with the man. I want him to try and teach me how to do some dancing and then laugh at me while saying, girlfriend, you got it all wrong. And then we will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Crazy Mary is on fire. Now fill up her cup! Bitch needs more booze! If anyone ever meets Crazy Mary, I want you to call me and put her on the phone. I want to hear how loud she speaks on a phone because the woman is unable to ever speak in a quiet voice. I bet they don’t even need to turn on her mic at the judge’s table. She is the personification of a crazy beautiful drunken megaphone.

Asuka & Vitolio
Hot Honey Rag (from Chicago)

1980s British Hair so outs himself as a little Asian girl fetishist whenever Asuka take the stage. NOOOOOO. Asuka & Vitolio are doing some dance choreographed by Broadway Tyce. I’m not denying his brilliance as a choreographer, I’m just not inviting him to my fabulous dinner party with myself, Shankman and a case of Chilean Malbec.

Broadway Tyce isn’t being as bitchy tonight. But his complete bitchy queen routine during the auditions made me hate him for the time being. Plus sometimes I just get so bored with that ragtime crap. Alas. I won’t judge…yet…I did enjoy Chicago. Actually, I liked the movie more than the stage version I saw in London in 2000, but I digress…

Asuka & Vitolio are engaging, entertaining and endearing. Plus, I’m comforted by the fact we’ve now seen more racial diversity than witnessed in the Top 12 of American Idol. Oh, and Vitolio spent part of his childhood in an orphanage. In Haiti. And yet, I don’t think he’s started a charitable organization which he’s silently promoting with hand signals. His back story was hopeful and triumphant, and nothing more than a peek into this guy’s life. I did not feel force-fed all sorts of tragedy in that minute-long biography.

Okay, okay, okay. I’ll try to stop giving you every reason why SYTYCD is a superior show to American Idol. Let’s hear what the judges say. And more importantly, let’s hear Cat Deeley spout off more awesomeness.

I do agree with Shankman’s comment about it being artificial. For some reason, I think all of Broadway Tyce’s dances may be artificial. Technically, it was great, but yeah, I’m seeing where they’re coming from. I’m even seeing where Crazy Mary was coming from. OMG. ALL THE JUDGES ARE SAYING THINGS WHICH MAKE SENSE AND CAN BE USED TO HELP IMPROVE THE DANCERS. No one said, you can dance the phonebook dawg!

Yeah, I had to compare again. Just bear with me, ok?

Karla & Jonathan
Poker Face (Lady GaGa)

Karla admits to having professional experience and touring with Wicked. Maybe she hung out with Adam Lambert. Personally, I find it nice this chick up and admitted some parts on Broadway and a national tour. That shit’s just a no-no on Idol.

Karla & Jonathan are doing the Cha Cha to Lady GaGa. Yeah, that shit RHYMED!  (I wonder if Lady GaGa will watch this and cry because it is not as ARTISTIC as she believes everything associated with her music should be.) Jonathan has those big blue eyes young girls go nutty for, yet I think just look girly and obnoxious. Sorry, I don’t like my men looking like puppy dogs. And Jonathan is a complete eyefucker, and that stuff just always skeeves me out when I’m sitting here all safe and comfy on my West Elm sofa (Product plug! Can I get a discount?). I feel the need to pull up the blanket just a bit further to protect me from all that VD in HD.

They’re good and it was fun. It was kind of cool when he spun her around like one of those music box dancers. The edit of Poker Face felt unfullfilling, but that crap happens when you have to make it under 2 minutes. At the end, I wonder if she is winking (in character!) or just got something in her eye. Jonathan eyefucks the girls in the front row. Because he wants the vote of all those who find that Zac Efron kid simply dreamy.

Apparently, Jonathan already has a voting bloc of sign-making sickos. Or they are family and friends. Hmmm…not sure which is more disturbing.

Shankman thought it was really good, even if he thinks their frame dropped a big. OMG I just love it so much when these judges talk technical. He spouts off some other technical criticism.

It’s earplug time.

Yes, 1980s British Hair knows what’s up. As does Shankman. Crazy Mary is at least four sheets to the wind at this point. She starts quoting Lady GaGa in her critique, screaming it was rough and fun while cackling. BRING THIS BITCH SOME MORE BOOZE!

1980s British Hair says they exploded with chemistry. Jonathan gives gayboy eyefuck to his Karla and then the audience. They’re both super excited! And how old is Jonathan, because I keep thinking he’s like 17.

Randi & Evan
I Only Have Eyes For You (Jamie Cullem)

Randi (with an I) is dancing with Evan, who I love. They’re also doing a Broadway Tyce jazz dance (yawn), although I’m sure Evan will nail that shit. Randi talks about being a “country girl”. I find her even more annoying. I hope Evan’s brother comes back next season, because you know they would never have put them both through the Top 20.

I guess Randi is married. Clearly too young. (Mormon?) While I think Randi-With-An-I has a great body, some of her moves suck. There is a zombie jerkiness to some of her moves. And I swear I’m not just saying this because she is a blond girl who married too young, might be Mormon and spells her name with an i. She could have been a single, godless liberal with dyed brown hair just like myself and I still would have mentioned zombie jerkiness in describing her performance.

(YAY! Pearl Cream just showed up. He woke up at 1pm, got some action, went to work, went to the gym and now came over to watch SYTYCD. Damn. Wish I had HIS life.)

Randi-With-An-I seems to have a bit of a hunchback. Damn! Her husband John is not in the audience. BOOO!!! HISS!!! I need to see them in matching aprons, dammit!

Pearl Cream: She’s not hunchbacked, she’s just trying to be cutesy.

Me: I hate all blonds on reality TV except Cat Deeley. Hush now!

I really don’t hate Randi-With-An-I. I find it more difficult to hate people on SYTYCD more so than Idol. Awww. Evan’s brother-cut-for-the-sake-of-drama is in the audience with his other brother. Pearl Cream thinks he will have a good career as a choreographer now.

Shankman waxes philosophical about their lines. I am totally pegging Evan and Robert in the Top 4 right now. I will put money on it.

YAY! During the commercial break (well, more likely during Randi & Evan’s dance, since she drinks fast) someone filled up Crazy Mary’s drink. It’s why she starts off a bit calm, just because she’s relieved someone gave her more booze.

Pearl Cream: They need to show someone coming by and refilling it.

YAY! Crazy Mary may have started out calm, but you know she’s just working up into some killer Crazy Mary-isms. She says something about the stars smoldering. And then she goes WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I just love the fact they booze it up on SYTYCD and do not even hide it under opaque Coca Cola tumblers. PLASTIC HIGHBALLS, baby, PLASTIC HIGHBALLS filled with Captain Morgan and Diet Coke.

1980s British Hair continues to cream all over Randi-With-An-I & Evan, and their routine. Beautiful Cat Deeley calls them the juciest little couple and wants to put them in her pocket. Cat Deeley, I love you.

Oooh! Bollywood Dance coming up! Bollywood Dance! Granted, I don’t know if it can surpass the magic of Katee & Joshua’s number from last year, but…Bollywood dancing! Bollywood dancing!

Paris & Tony
Let The Beat Rock (Boys Noise Megamix) (The Black Eyed Peas)

I recall liking Paris from the auditions. Poor Paris was in a bad car accident and couldn’t feel part of her leg for awhile, yet she doesn’t seem to be crying about it or begging me to donate to a car accident charity. Tony was torn between playing college lacrosse and dancing, and maybe getting on the show will convince his dad he wasn’t stupid for turning down that lacrosse scholarship.

They’re doing a hip hop routine. Pearl Cream thinks Tony is sooooo cute. Pearl Cream loves the fresh-faced younguns. I am now craving Captain Morgan and Diet Coke after watching the judges sip such goodness from their clear-blue highballs for the last hour.

Ok. Kind of already loving Paris and Tony, maybe because I liked her since Miami but these kiddies are pretty damn good, especially while forced to wear cumbersome headphones as part of their intense high tops and pleather costume. Even if they were a bit off sometimes, I loved it. I have no idea why, but I liked that shit, maybe because I wasn’t expecting it, perhaps?

Shankman likes it, but gives a few buts…Of course Daddy is gonna have a few buts. SYTYCD Drink Refiller person has not come over to refresh his beverage in some time. This ice is kind of melting.

Shankman finds their costumes distracting. Crazy Mary doesn’t think it will be memorable. She says they were just good. Awwww. Now I feel bad for Paris and Tony. 1980s British Hair agrees with Crazy Mary. Come on! They were the only ones forced to dance with DJ headphones! He tells them their stanks stank.

I think you should vote for them because they were forced to wear garbage.

Caitlin & Jason
Jai Ho (from Slumdog Millionaire)

This chick was clearly picked only for her girl-next-door looks. It’s the only reason I can fathom for taking her over Natalie. Or even Caitlin’s sister! Pearl Cream thinks Jason is sooooo cute, even though he looks like a skinnier, younger version of Tracy Morgan.

I love Nakul’s Bollywood numbers, but this one isn’t my favorite, mainly because of the mismatching of the duo. Jason is a stronger dancer than Caitlin. Period.

Jason is so much better than Caitlin. He is sharper. They’re not always in tandem. In comparison to Jason, she looks as if she is going through the motions. And whoa. They kiss at the end? Or almost? There is no kissing in Bollywood movies.

Cat Deeley is a charming goddess and tells them how beautiful they look. Pearl Cream has never seen Katee and Joshua’s Bollywood Dance, so we pause to watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvRfNq6r_nI

Pearl Cream: THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!

Me: I KNOW!!! Tonight didn’t even compare.

(I know I shouldn’t compare to last year, but…if you’ve seen the above clip, you know what I’m talking about.)

Uh, hello? Shankman thinks they ROCKED??? Yes, Jason was great, but Caitlin sucked. I can’t believe he thinks she did a great job.

All I can say is that I’M GLAD BOLLYWOOD CAME TO HOLLYWOOD. YES I AM WHOOOOOOOO

Ok, Crazy Mary. Slow down on your booze. Her handstand was not that awesome. I thought it was rather shaky.

Thank you, 1980s British Hair, for bringing up the awesomeness of Joshua & Katee, but I still don’t think they brought it as a couple. Jason may have brought it, but Caitlin…?

Tsk tsk, SYTYCD, why are you pimping the mediocre blond chick so hard? PLEASE don’t be like Idol!

Janette & Brandon
Come Fly With Me (Michael Buble)

Ok. I’m thinking this is the golden couple, but I’m not sure after the judges wet themselves over Caitlin, although I’m thinking she’s gonna be the equivilent of Kherington, who was pretty much just a decent partner for Twitch for a few weeks. Anyway, Janette & Brandon are going to do the Fox Trot to Michael Buble. Come on! Couldn’t you have used the Sinatra version?

I give props to anyone dancing in a dress like that, because frankly, it looks difficult as all hell. Neither Brandon nor Janette are familiar with the Fox Trot but I’m pretty impressed, especially by the end when Brandon effortless spins her around from LA to Montana and back.

Shankman thinks they were great and that Brandon finally showed character in his performance.

CRAZY MARY TELLS THE WORLD SHE USES BOTOX. And then goes YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Everyone, including the Goddess Cat Deeley and Brandon & Janette completely lose their shit.

I can’t believe I just said that!

Oh Crazy Mary, I can believe you just said it. Because you’re Crazy Mary and you are also invited to my dinner party but no wine for you. You will only get Captain & Diet. Speaking of, I think you are needing your beverage topped off.

OMG Crazy Mary. You have outdone Paula. Clearly. It’s like the late 1990s and you’re Reese Witherspoon to Paula’s Alicia Silverstone.

Crazy Mary, do you sell lead-based costume jewelry? Because I totally want to buy some now.

Crazy Mary kind of indirectly slams Mia by screaming that anyone who doesn’t think Brandon is talented is crazy. CRAZY. CRAZY!!!!

Ashley & Kupono
Felt Mountain (Goldfrapp)

Yay! Goldfrapp on SYTYCD. A jazz routine choreographed by Wade Robson about crash test dummies. And robot outfits! Yay! Goldfrapp & robot outfits! Well, actually they’re supposed to be crash test dummies, but I like calling them robots better. Because I adore robots.

Pearl Cream: Look! There’s a little doggy!

Indeed, there is a little doggy. And I’m a sucker for originality and robot stuff. I thought this dance was sweet, tender and touching in its own little way. It was cute and quirky. (Pearl Cream agrees, but that it worked more for Kupono than Ashley.) I agree with Shankman — I really love seeing different things AND few network reality shit shows ever put anything like this on stage. Even if these poor kids look like freaks in the post-performance spotlight.

The judges loved it. 1980s British Hair even thinks Ashley managed to be beautiful while wearing a ridiculous costume. He loved the characters and the story they told. Agreed. This may be my favorite routine of the night. It’s nice when ingenuity is matched by talent.

Melissa & Ade
Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx)

Ah yes, Melissa. The naughty ballerina. I remember liking this chick oh yeah, because she is 29-YEARS-OLD. Melissa, bring it. Love you. Ade is awesome because he does his interview and dances with a pick in his hair (He also DJs and goes to Chapman University). They’re doing a Mandy Moore routine about falling in love, which required them to basically play dirty twister.

Cheesetastic song! Damn, when Marx’s piano up and they start grooving on stage, I am sad because Ade is not wearing his pick! Their attire is simple and inoffensive, yet the ensembles are reminiscent of a romance paperback cover or a douche commercial. They have beautiful lines. They are graceful. They appear to have a genuine connection.

But are they, as Shankman claims, special? Pearl Cream and I watch again. He was too busy perusing Manhunt while I was too busy trying to aptly describe their outfits. Ok, the first time around, I did not give credit to the amazing lift. Pearl Cream doesn’t like her permasmile. I suggest maybe she is all permasmiley when she is in love.

I like Melissa and Ade. Plus I love it when Shankman gets all moved. And when Crazy Mary goes WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW.

How much do you wanna bet Crazy Mary is getting hot flashes like every 7 minutes. It would explain a lot of that hot tamale whoooooo stuff. Oh Crazy Mary, when I am a menopausal drunk, I do kind of want to be like you, abeit if only in the privacy of my own home.

Kayla & Max
House of Gypsies (Jum Bah Day)

Semi-skanky looking Kayla has a sob story, as does Max, who is Russian. But we all have sob stories and at this point, I can’t bitch. I just want to see them do Louis Van Amstel’s samba, even though I also wonder if he drinks Amstel Light just because his name is on the bottle.

Kayla needs to lay off the white trash peroxide. Only some people can pull it off and it never works with hair that long. They kind of rock it, but the song is super energetic. Pearl Cream thinks she looks like Paris Hilton doing the samba. They’re good, and she has killer legs, but she’s too trashy looking. I like Max better. And PC thinks her dress should have been red or black. I am inclined to agree.

Shankman loves them and says he believes in God because only God could have created a girl like Kayla. Yeah, well, he’s been drinking, too.

Pearl Cream: She looks like a hot mess.

Ok. We’re laughing our asses off because yeah, she is a TOTAL hot mess. Hey, SYTYCD makeup crew: have you guys heard of WATERPROOF EYE MAKEUP.

Oh Shankman, if there is a God, I soooo don’t want to go to the Hot Mess Heaven where Kayla lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has killer legs…and a butterface. Sorry, but…she really needs to throw some lowlights, oh, shit….

CRAZY MARY HEARS A TRAIN. CRAZY MARY HEARS A TRAIN!!!!!

Oh frak me now. The HOT TAMALE TRAIN has pulled into the station. And I have no idea when 1980s British Hair picked up the Tony & Paris headphones. And clearly the HOT TAMALE TRAIN is here because Max & Kayla are the last couple of the night and CRAZY MARY NEEDS ANOTHER DRINK GODDAMMIT!!!

Yeah…a HOT MESS TAMALE TRAIN.1980s British Hair is totally pimping Hot Mess Tamale. Yawn.

Ok. And on the playback of routines, uh…Caitlin…she totally sucked compared to Jason. WEAK hand movements. Were the judges even watching her? Yes, the dance was awesome but she was sooooo beneath Jason.

Wow. Tonight’s episode made me want to both drink and dance!

And on that note. Let’s gaze at the awesomeness which is Cat Deeley one last time for the evening. Love you, Cat Deeley.

Spread the word. Do it.