And there was a collective yawn: American Idol 12 Top 10 Revealed

Tonight in Las Vegas, tourists with a deep abiding adoration for both Ringo Starr and the Russian Swing can breathe a sigh of relief, as Love returns to the Mirage stage and American Idol returns to where it belongs, next door to the giant Cinnabon emporium called The Grove.

Rather than ushering out all of the 20 hopefuls and sacrificing each of them in front of a live studio audience, the are all divided by gender and held in small rooms, waiting for Ryan to call their names. It must be exciting for those in the audience, but not for those sitting at home.

The first to be called is U.S. Gold Medal Figure Skater Evan Lysacek Paul Jolley. Paul isn’t paying homage to Heart with his take on Alone, but to his best girl Carrie Underwood. Sure, it’s nice, and it’s cool to hear a guy do it BUT why any contestant decides to even try it after Allison Iraheta OWNED it in 2009 escapes me every time.

The next member of the Top 10 is Burnell Taylor who has none of the nasally awkwardness of Steve Urkel, but at least half his wardrobe.

I cannot hate on either Paul or Burnell. They seem like earnest enough dudes with good heads on their shoulders.

Curtis Finch, Jr. is the third guy to go forward. Nicki doesn’t seem too please, but I think she just claps in her own Nicki way, which is slowly and deliberately, but not quite the rousing slow cap found in 80s underdog movies. I have mixed feelings about Finch, Jr. going on, as he IS from St. Louis but looked like a complete arrogant prick during Hollywood Week. Then there is also the whole religion/worship singer/Jesus—every song this man sings is about flying or soaring high and I just wish he was talking about a blunt. While its impossible to deny the power of his voice, one can only stomach the sermonizing so much. His chances of winning? Nada.

Part of me really wants Charlie Askew to go back to high school and have a good life, and I suspect he will, as Devin Velez is the next to be called. And Charlie sort of looks as if he just wants ALL of this to be over. Devin’s voice is nice, and at times, even sounds a bit John Legend-y.

Right now, I’m pulling for a wildcard decision to take both Lazaro Abros AND Elijah Liu. Because Lazaro was a given, but I’m rather disappointed this is the last we will be hearing from Elijah Liu.

While this looks like a male lineup chock full of diversity for all the “right” reasons, it really looks like a proper “melting pot” because Nigel Lythgoe NEEDS a girl to win. And he knows that the women who actually vote for this show are middle-aged white women who do not vote for men of color, even the thought of Latinos often do not sit well with the infamous FRAUEN. But the producers just shot themselves in the foot in their quest for a female victor—Paul Jolley.

Thanks very much guys, you can exist to the side of the stage.

Prick. Well, at least Charlie is grinning ear-to-ear. I love ya, kid. I love ya. You’re gonna have a wonderful life.

I don’t expect many surprises on the girls’ side tonight, but the quick recap of their Tuesday night performances leave me with no unexpected revelations, no nuances I may have missed. It was all quite dull, wasn’t it?

The first to be called in Janelle Arthur. I’m just going to leave it at that and continue to stuff my face with melba toast slathered in goat cheese and topped with calabrese salami. I only assume they’re paying Nicki extra for calling her lady bug, marshmallow, et al.

Candice Glover is next. The grabby swaybots look really bizarro, but not as weird as Janelle bouncing up and down on over by the benches. Go Candice. I like you.

Big surprise. Angie Miller. Angie Miller earns a standing ovation from the judges’ table. I can’t wait until the finale when Paul Jolley totally beats her ass.

Amber Holcomb is a bit of a surprise, and I wonder what this will do to the inevitable Breanna Starr vs. Aubrey Cleland nonsense, as Nicki did not look too pleased.

Can we talk about Zoanette’s hair? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT SEEING YOUR HAIR? WITHOUT SEEING YOU. Especially since Kree Harrison made it. Ahhhh. Kree Harrison, a country Carly Smithson who once had a record deal. Anyway, there are a lot less legs you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks. DO NOT LEAVE ME ZOANETTE. DO NOT LEAVE ME.

Well get this! Next week, the closest runner-up guy and girl get to sing off for your vote and a spot on the tour! Sigh. Anyway. This looks pretty f**king boring, doesn’t it?

As long as I know I have you to watch with me, its all that matters. Oh. And $20 says Paul Jolley is your American Idol 12 CHAMPION.

Well this is