American Idol 11: Top 7 Song Spoilers Imply Most Overdone Theme

Since American Idol has a TWO F**KING HOUR time slot, they’ve finally decided to have the contestants move into doing TWO songs. Tonight’s theme for the Top 7 Redeux is Now & Then aka Just About Every Overdone Song Ever.

On American Idol, bad things come in twos.

As it seems to have always been “leaked” this season, a photo is posted via Twitter of the band’s set list with no contestant names attached. TWO Lady Gaga songs. TWO Alicia Keys song. (Oh, Alicia Keys. Like Boardwalk Empire and Peter Weir, you are just one of those things that’s good in theory and not in practice.) Also TWO Marvin Gaye songs into the “Then” category for good measure.

Now

No One by Alicia Keys
I Believe by Fantasia
Rolling In The Deep by Adele
U Got It Bad by Usher
Born This Way by Lady Gaga
Fallin’ by Alicia Keys
Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

Then

In The Midnight Hour by Wilson Pickett
A Change Is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke
September by Earth, Wind & Fire
Son Of A Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield
Try A Little Tenderness by Otis Redding
Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye
Let’s Get It On by Marvin Gaye

So let’s play what contestant will sing what:

Joshua Ledet
Safe bet Joshua is doing Fantasia’s I Believe, especially after last week’s birthday shout out. He’s gonna try to capitalize on his “Mantasia” reputation as much as he can during these remaining weeks in the competition. Joshua is an incredibly powerful vocalist and has proven he can own songs-that-aren’t-ballads with last week’s rendition of Bruno Mars’ Runaway Baby. But let’s face facts — Joshua will at best finish in 4th place, likely 5th. There is no African-American vote on American Idol – we all know what middle-aged women and these mythical “teen voters” go for, and its not a soulful, pulled-from-the-choir black man. (Or he’s the one doing Usher, since you know, he’s the “black guy.)

As much as I wish Joshua would sing Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacher Man, its a safe bet he will be taking on Earth, Wind, & Fire’s September. But let’s face it, Joshua would be close to perfect on ANY of these tunes.

Jessica Sanchez
This season’s resident mean teen girl almost went home in last week’s “shock elimination” (spare me) which culminated in the judges displaying poor acting skills as they plead with America to vote for the souless, robotic teenager who knows nothing about “hard work.” Even though she doesn’t connect with any viewers with a modicum of taste, Jessica isn’t going to start working hard now, at least when it comes to showing another side of herself because there just isn’t one. So look to Clove to bust out one of the worst, most overplayed & overwrought songs of our time, Alicia Keys’ Fallin’.

If the 16-year-old even attempts Dusty Springfield’s ode to banging a preacher’s son, the judges will likely not call her out for doing material she can’t possibly connect with. This is a bit of a conundrum but Jessica may likely be doing I Heard It Through The Grapevine a la Gladys Knight and The Pips.

Colton Dixon
This one should be somewhat easy. Colton plays piano and likes to screw with the tempo to “make things his own.” He’s also not going to do anything too risque given he LOVES JESUS. Alicia Keys’ No One seems like the safest bet.

Same goes with Colton’s “Then” choice — we can definitely rule out Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, since Colton LOVES JESUS. Which also means he won’t be doing Dusty Springfield. Maybe Otis Redding or Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Gonna Come? (The latter of which should never be touched by a talented female in her mid to late-20s who is in danger of leaving because middle-aged women do not like her — remember that awesome Lilly something or another? Glamberts still think Adam Lambert owns this song.)

Phil Phillips
Speaking of doing the same thing week in and week out, Phil does risk finishing second to Colton Dixon in what is really just a WGWG Battle Royale if he doesn’t do SOMETHING different. If I were P2, I would be the one doing Adele’s Rolling In The Deep. You’ve already heard this song way too many times by way too many people. It’s still a great song, but…Rather than one of the obvious girls doing it.

For “Then,” you can pretty much picture Phil doing Wilson Pickett’s In The Midnight Hour, but…I’m gonna go with Let’s Get It On. This should keep Philsy safe for a few more weeks, and its a smart move considering his obvious fan base.

Skylar Laine
Oh my Skylar, I love you so. So I would REALLY love to see you put a little honky tonk into Lady Gaga, doesn’t matter which one, but…Bad Romance is my favorite.

Now this one could do Dusty Springfield. Can she? Pretty please? Only her or Elise should be allowed to touch that bad boy.

Hollie Cavanaugh
I have no idea about this one because I keep forgetting she is on the show. But maybe she should sing Born This Way as an ode to her WTF Lubbock via Liverpool accent? But listen sweetie, do not slow it down all a capella like because that SOOOOO did not work when you attempted Pink.

Even more stumped for “Then.” Try A Little Tenderness? Heard It Through The Grapevine? I GOT NOTHING.

Elise Testone
Oh Elise, you and Skylar are the last 2 girls I actually like, but I fear neither of you are not long for this world. Also wondering about the chances of you doing Lady Gaga after singing Lady Gaga last week. And you did do Adele earlier in the season…so will you attempt some god awful Alicia Keys?

Please do Dusty Springfield. Please own this bad boy a la Season 5′s Nadia Turner. (Every season, I have to make a mention of Nadia Turner because to this day, she remains one of my all-time favorite contestants.)

Gotta run. Catch ya later. How long do you think you will be able to sit through this nonsense tonight?