Idol Quickies: June 30, 2010

Some (obviously stupid) chorus line/dancer named Angel Reed is probably pregnant with Constantine Maroulis’ child. They met on Rock of Ages. Their monthly expenditures on ineffective hair products will likely cost more than diapers. This is wrong on about 1000 levels, mainly because one should never have a child with a sleazy scumbag who has coerced teenagers into having sex in uncomfortable places (and not the back of a Volkswagon). Why anyone would have sex with that vile loser is beyond me (He has mouth fungus! And his own friends PISS ON HIS MOUTH FUNGUS MEDICATION! This is not someone with whom you want to knock boots) and why you would do it without making him first wrap his member up in a Kevlar condom?

Sure, hard-core Glamberts think their behavior has no effect on what people think of them outside the Idol Bubble, however, The Washington Post found their psychotic barrage of comments in Chris Richards’ review of Adam Lambert’s DC show hilarious enough to devote an entire post to their insanity on their Click Track blog. Like us, Richards’ really enjoyed this one:

His energy, his band and dancers, my fellow fans’ energy – what a great love bubble! I wear both my Crocs and my glitter proudly.

And the hits don’t stop coming!

As an addendum to my previous post, I also find that the majority of bashers fall into three categories: homophobes; fans of other “Idols” who have not been as successful; men who are threatened by the way woman go crazy over this fabulous gay man. If you even try to say Adam does not have an incredible, unbelievable, once-in-an-era voice, you have no credibility and are laughable.

Larry King announced his retirement yesterday and 100 sad, washed-up trainwrecks shed a tear. Who would now be the ones to interview them? Let’s hope Piers Morgan (Britain’s Got Talent / America’s Got Talent) institutes a bit of class if he is, indeed, the man who takes King’s place. Although I’m still unconvinced it won’t be Ryan Seacrest, as Ryan Seacrest will be broadcasting to the masses 24 hours a day at some point in the near future.

Kelly Clarkson will not be playing Minneapolis on Lilith Fair. If you’re of Nordic heritage and have a whimsical Northern US accent and were planning on attending the 90s mellow-girls-with-guitar revival festival, please wipe the tears from your Birkenstocks. (Although if I had a ticket to that show, I would likely cancel it as that shrill little midget Dixie Chick is taking her place.)

Michael Sarver is doing something music-related for the Special Olympics. Take note, former Idol contestants. If you dig that Jesus fella and hustle hustle hustle, you might get a modicum of work after the show.

Michael Lynche got a haircut. Thought you should know.

Josiah Lemming got a booty call. Thought you should know that, too.

Jason Castro ate some chicken. He’s a big Tweater. I wish he would just cop to taking a big bong hit sometime.

Our beautiful La Princesa del Mariachi Allison Iraheta is filming a video for Don’t Waste the Pretty! Here is a behind the scenes sneak peak.

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