Where do oldtime singers go when they die? The American Idol Finale

2010 May 26

Crystal Bowersox (aka Ellen Barkin's younger sister?)

Is this it? Is this…the end? Well, although I doubt any of us will ever want to watch it again, it was nice spending Season 9 of American Idol with all of you. Tonight, almost every other former Idol contestant is in the house not because they’re naming Crystal Bowersox or Lee DeWyze as the new American Idol, but because its Simon Cowell’s last night on the show. So this isn’t about crowning the next singing superstar (HA!), its about ensuring Simon Cowell is sent off with a proper tongue bath & circle jerk. And then Lee DeWyze will win because even though Crystal blew him out of the water last night, we all know by now a woman can’t win this damn thing.

There was only a 2% difference between winner and loser this year. Seacrest obviously deferred to the percentage, seeing as the total vote tallies are likely fairly pathetic compared to past seasons. Crystal and Lee are also wearing school uniforms, which will obviously be part of a cringe-inducing final two theme in the vein of boxing (season 7) or guyliner-vs.-guy-next-door (season 8, but was that even a theme?). Tonight, we will be treated to performances from Idols new (Kris Allen) and Idols past (a Kelly Clarkson — Fantasia duet is obviously the most anticipated). Carrie Underwood will once again be lavished with undeserved praise. Oh. And a bunch of people our parents age are gonna rock out like its AARP Idol. Bret Michaels is tonight’s “surprise” musical act — he’s gonna sing with a hole in his heart and an iffy brain stem. He can do it. (Side note, Bret Michaels may now be tied with Henry Rollins for appearing on the most random TV shows, although the latter did appear on Unsolved Mysteries so you really can’t top that one. Sorry, Bret.)

Ah…the school theme is realized. Orianthi is playing Alice Cooper’s School’s Out while the TOP 12 sing. Siobhan Magnus uses this chance to show midriff. I am reminded Lacey Brown is one of those very dull girls who thinks dumping Kool-Aid on her hair will make her interesting. And then a bunch of other people come out, who may be…?

OMG. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Casey James. Casey introduces Alice Cooper (aka Scott MacIntyre’s buddy!). I want to see Alice Cooper and Aaron Kelly hug. It might just make all the sense in the world right now. All of this was so very weird, yet so very American Idol.

KRIS ALLEN
The Truth

Performing his latest single The Truth, last year’s winner and his equally attractive band (I really hope the bassist does not get confused with Constantine Maroulis tonight. Poor guy.) get to be the first of tonight’s musical guests. It’s not the best I’ve heard the song done, and its not the best Kris Allen song, but hey, this guy could have likely wiped the floor with this season’s batch of middling contenders. And it really is incredible to see how far he’s come as a performer in only one year. Look at him work the stage. (Hey, I am admittedly a Kris Allen FAN. Not a TARD. I do not obsess over how Jive is marketing him or whether or not he gets to appear on American Idol more than once a season.

SIMON COWELL TRIBUTE MONTAGE

Wow. Look at Simon from 9 years ago. Is it age? New haircut? Both? Oh PAULA PAULA PAULA ABDUL. I love you so much. Oh Kara DioGuardi, why do you always make me look at least one of your shoulders? I don’t like you, or your botoxed shoulders.

Let’s face it. For all the times you’ve wanted to smack the guy, the show is Simon Cowell. It’s why it was such a phenomenon. Seacrest is merely a talking head. American Idol WAS Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul.

SIOBHAN MAGNUS & AARON KELLY &…THE BEE GEES
How Deep is Your Love

In the “we have to stick them with someone” category of tonight’s show, Siobhan and Aaron duet to a Muzak version of How Deep is Your Love before the Bee Gees join them. I am pissed I see Barry Gibb’s chest hair but NO FUNKY GOLD MEDALLION. I want to hear him talk about these CRAZY CRAZY TIMES. Bastard. I can’t hear Aaron much because Siobhan is drowning him out. Siobhan Magnus, I’ve decided something tonight. I really kind of hate your voice. Next please.

MICHAEL LYNCHE & MICHAEL MCDONALD
Taking it to the Streets

Oh jesus. Taylor Hicks Michael McDonald and Big Mike. This is worse than the 102.5 KEZK, the easy listening station my mother listens to if driving somewhere in the morning. They are paired with one another because they are both cheesy and named Michael. Big Mike is wearing his wallet chain. Michael McDonald sounds like he’s about to hock up a Danny Gokey hairball. Michael McDonald, I think you may have been good at one time but you sing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough and that enough for me to write him off. (Don’t you remember that irritating Verizon commercial from early last decade?)

DANE COOK IS NOT FUNNY

Dane Cook roasting Simon Cowell while strumming a guitar. Dane Cook might have a big dick or something, because that might be the only thing to explain his rise to stardom. The bit is dreadfully unfunny, until some favorite “bad auditions” of seasons past come out. The I am your brother guy, that Mary chick (I think), Tatiana del Toro, some others, and…NORMAN GENTLE!!! NOOOOO! Just as Nick Mitchel (aka Norman) is about to speak, this Ian Bernardo (?) guy keeps going and as soon as Norman gets the mic, we’re on another commercial. I’ve also already forgotten Dane Cook was there.

TOP 6 GIRLS & CHRISTINA AGULIERA
Beautiful/Stronger

Oh how cute. All the loser girls get to sing Beautiful / Stronger Christina Aguliera medley. The wardrobe department cut the budget this year, which explains why Paige Miles and Katie Stevens were stuffed into two of Adam Lambert’s jock straps. Siobhan Magnus almost falls in her stilettos. I giggle. Crystal Bowersox made me almost like the lyric she sang — but Beautiful is such a shit song. Katie Stevens gets to introduce Christina, a once-fledgling pop princess, now an almost has-been before the age of 30. Xtina is desperately trying to be edgy by attempting to look like a Eva Peron-Princess Leia-Betty Draper love child foregoing pants because Lady Gaga does not like pants.

Fast-forwarding so I can see a little HALL & OATES! What did Ricky Gervais do to deserve going on American Idol? Oh, I see. He’s friends with Simon Cowell. I can live with this, can’t you? Can Ricky Gervais just do the rest of the show?

TOP 6 BOYS & HALL & OATES

Lee DeWyze kicks I Can’t Go For That wearing another schoolboy blazer, this time with a purple heart or medal of honor or something. Awwww. Now here’s a sight for sore eyes! Timmy Urban! It’s the most ferocious boys in the bunch. They will take your lunch money and then kick you in the shins.

Awwww! Casey James and Tim Urban kick off Maneater. This is so much better than the girls. So much better. Casey even gets to solo with a little goat vibrato on the chorus! Oh Hall & Oates. I was first introduced to you by my mother, obviously, but I love you so. Long live Philadelphia Soul, dammit! And how sweet. You let all the boys do the ooooh-oooh-oohhhs on You Make My Dreams Come True. That diva Aguliera made the other girls skidaddle almost as soon as she took the stage.

Clearly this show was produced for the menopausal set. Activia and Boniva really missed the boat not buying ad space during tonight’s Finale.

CRYSTAL BOWESOX & ALANIS MORISSETTE
Ironic / You Oughta Know

I must admit. Crystal Bowersox and Alanis Morissette is a rather inspired pairing. And look at Alannis. Damn, she’s beautiful. Kara DioGuardi is totally gonna try and suck her blood after tonight’s show. The Botox is hiding it right now, but she is seething. Absolutely seething at the site of 1995′s Canadian Goddess in all of her stunning glory. Oh yes, Kara DioGuardi. Alanis Morissette is a real-life singer/songwriter. She was permitted to have a career as both! And she’s aging better than you. Suck it, Kara. Go cry in your Open Toed Shoes. There are just No Boundaries as what you will do for eternal youth, but don’t you dare try drinking Alanis Morissette’s blood.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD
Undo It

This piece of shit was written by Carrie Underwood and Kara DioGuardi. It’s utterly forgettable and sounds like Before He Cheats. Carrie moves her non mic-holding arm a bit more than when she was on American Idol, but it still looks a bit as if she lost mobility in a stroke. I know she’s one of the biggest country superstars of the last decade, but…she’s not one of my favorites.

NOW LEE & CRYSTAL GET THEIR FORD AUTOMOBILES

Kris Allen has the honor of presenting Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze with their Fords. He says they have no idea they will be getting a new car. Come on, Kris. Everyone knows this! Oh, I see. They think they’re on their way to a photo shoot. This is all very Tyra Banks!

I’m happy. I’m just glad to be here, you know?

Huh, DeWyze? Where did that come from? I mean, it sounded so…weird. Perhaps there is truth to what that idiot said on that idiotic message board about you being slightly retarded? I kid, I kid. Just don’t give him any pet rabbits.

Kris Allen tells them the custom Ford graphic designs they made earlier this season have come back to haunt them. Yeah. They took those designs and made them their own little cars. How much do you wanna bet they just cobbled a bunch of shit together that day because they were in a hurry? Because that’s what I would have done. And that’s what you would have done.

The final Ford Commercial to My Wish is an equivalent to one of those clip show episodes of a sitcom, therefore, it does not require any commentary.

CASEY JAMES & BRET MICHAELS
Every Rose Has a Thorn

Awwwww…what sweet blond ambition. Our beloved goat and Bret Michaels, hair metal’s biggest fighter! He’s back on stage after being twice hospitalized in the past month and winning that Celebrity Apprentice shit. Please be careful, Bret Michaels. Casey James and Bret Michaels are now the stars of tonight’s show. Really? Bret Michaels’ first performance after a blood clot on his brain stem and discovering he has a hole in his heart (Hey, you just don’t know what some of those Rock of Love girls are carrying…) is on American Idol. With Casey James, the best-ever guitarist in the history of the show. Casey James, YOU WIN.

LEE DEWYZE & CHICAGO
If You Leave Me Now/song with numbers

Oh I get it. Because he’s from Chicago. No Peter Cetera? This looks as if your ne’er do well cousin Fred got shit-faced and decided to sing with the Old Dudes with Horns band in the 3pm slot at the local St. Peter’s Festival. Oh please oh please. Don’t let him do the chorus. Don’t. No. THE KITTY CATS ARE STILL ALIVE BUT NOW THEY ARE IN HEAT. NOOOOOO. THE POOR LITTLE KITTY CAT IN HEAT. SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING. WHY ARE YOU LETTING THAT KITTY CAT BE VIOLATED BY ALL THOSE OTHER CATS. STOP THE SCREAMING. IF YOU LEAVE THIS STAGE NOW, I PROMISE I WILL BE A NICE PERSON.

Oh yes. Just as I thought. We will find out everybody has been dead this whole time. Are you watching this? If I am wrong and everybody is not dead, at least one or two of tonight’s performers will need a hip replacement tomorrow. Please say its not Bret Michaels.

To erase all of that, I need to watch the greatest cinematic use of If You Leave Me Now from my all-time favorite movies, Three Kings.

Some douchebag in a burgundy velvet sportjacket named Matt is holding down the fort in Lee’s hometown of Mt. Prospect, IL. I really don’t care. I want to see more PAULA ABDUL. I WANT IT TO BE THE OLD DAYS WITH CLASSIC PERCOCET PAULA AND SIMON COWELL BANTER. Kara DioGuardi, go away. I want more Paula Abdul, dammit! More Simon-approved fluff…yada yada yada….can’t wait until I can blog about X-Factor, which will be much bigger than American Idol. More people will need to read recaps because more people will be watching. Is it Fall 2011 yet?

Seacrest muses with Simon about his favorite Idol performances — Fantasia’s Summertime, Kelly Clarkson’s A Moment Like This and Adam Lambert’s Mad World. All the batshit crazy Glamberts lighting candles because their lord & savior is on vocal rest right now just creamed their granny panties and ran to their computers to furiously type comments on blog posts everywhere on how this means Adam Lambert is the greatest American Idol contestant of all time.

GENERAL LARRY PLATT & WILLIAM HUNG
Pants on the Ground

Arguably the only watercooler moment of American Idol Season 9, Pants on the Ground just isn’t as good this time around. Even with all the dancers shimmying down to their boxer shorts. Bringing an Ed Hardy-clad William Hung (Trivia: Hung is an avid poker player and regularly makes the rounds in some decent-sized live tournaments) down to the stage, however, makes this one of the more inspired pairings of the evening.

More Simon Cowell tribute montage. But this time, with a lot more Paula!

After 8 years of sitting in between two men with bigger boobs than me, I had enough.

Oh Paula. Can’t we just say this is a tribute to you, too? Because we never got to say a proper goodbye. Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell ARE American Idol. And here she is! She’s on stage! She tells Kara how beautiful she looks tonight with palpable hatred. Kara responds emphatically, of course, that she looks amazing. MORE PAULA ABDUL. Even if she makes a lame joke about having Simon’s baby, its okay. Because its PAULA. And I’ve missed her. She even brings up MC SKAT CAT!!!

Please oh please oh please say Paula Abdul will join Simon Cowell on X-Factor.

American Idol’s not gonna be the same without you, but as I can tell you, it will go on.

She’s choking back tears. I am almost moved. More Simon Cowell montage shit…to Frank Sinatra’s My Way. Does he have his Frank Sinatra handkerchief?

THE IDOL GROUP SING TO END ALL GROUP SINGS
Together We Are One

Kelly Clarkson. Ruben Studdard. Fantasia. Carrie Underwood. Jordin Sparks. Taylor Hicks. (I really did like his voice.) Kris Allen. Where are you, David Cook? Huh? Everyone is now flanked by all other living former Idol contestants who could make tonight’s show. They are all in white. It is pathetic (they even let Constantine Maroulis and Blake Lewis do the big number), yet I am mesmerized. They are essentially thanking Simon Cowell for everything they’ve become. Oh please. But they’re singing to Paula, too. And for a moment, just one moment, my icy heart almost melts at the site of two somewhat-proud divorced parents during the first dance at their kid’s wedding or something.

Ok. It really didn’t melt, and the song was absolute shite, but whatever, it was nice to see some familiar faces. Matt Giraud, I had no fucking idea how much I missed you. Ace Young, you still look pretty. Kris Allen, the only thing worse than sticking baby in the corner is sticking you next to Jordin Sparks.

So is this Simon Cowell circle jerk over yet? Can we name the winner now? No. He’s gotta give a speech!

It’s great to have this little one back.

Damn straight. Simon hates you, Kara DioGuardi. He hates you. He loves Paula.

THE TOP 12 & JANET JACKSON
Trust In Me / Nasty

Janet Jackson is dressed like how one imagine’s Rhianna’s mother must dress if she was borne into the House Atreides. I am falling asleep. Janet Jackson’s song is putting me to sleep. Why is she singing almost exactly like her deceased brother Michael now? I mean, I guess it might work. I’m getting tired. Janet Jackson, can you pop out an adorned nipple or something? Ah, ok. We’ve moved onto something a bit more uptempo and Janet’s bodacious booty could pop out, as could an adorned nipple. Did Paula choreograph this one, too? I have the overwhelming urge to see Fantasia and Janet Jackson on stage, yet I still feel as if its Michael Jackson singing.

I also hope no one in the audience had a seizure. They had those lasers going on full speed again. Hey, is this show over yet? Seacrest just tells me tonight is about Crystal and Lee? Is it? I’ve already forgotten who they were at this point, and we’re just now doing the look-where-they-came-from-omg-he’s-a-paint-salesman-she’s-a-single-mom montage.

Together they took a journey to become something extraordinary.

Anyhow…I have no energy to touch that one. But they did take a journey to sing A Little Help From My Friends with Joe Cocker, a pairing which fits both of them quite well. Lee didn’t get the memo Crystal was doing the introduction of Cocker, whose role may or may not be performed tonight by Sir Anthony Hopkins.

It was almost kind of sweet, I think. I’m sitting on my sofa in oppressive heat as my Goat Love t-shirt sticks to me. I really just want this to be over, even it will be kind of sad to have no American Idol to recap next week.

The moment is here. Lee DeWyze might finally toss his cookies on stage. Please oh please oh please throw up, Lee. Please.

YOU WIN, FRAUEN. YOU WIN!!

Oh yes. Oh yes. It has been proven. The only way you can win American Idol is if you have a penis. A white one, though. Can’t be one that’s kind of tan or anything. Know something, Crystal Bowersox is gonna be just fine. It’s official, folks. Meet your new Paint Salesman Idol.

Kind of anti-climactic after the Simon Cowell Circle Jerk / Geriatric Bonnaroo, isn’t it? Dude doesn’t even get confetti. Oh wait. There are the pyrotechnics. And here comes the confetti! Now just close your eyes and listen to him sing.

Teach me / I know I’m not a hopeless case

Again. I just don’t have the energy to touch that one. But Casey James still got to sing with Bret Michaels. And Crystal Bowersox & Alanis Morissette. The show’s biggest moments, ironically, were at the hands of the second and third runners up.

Whatever. I still say everyone was dead the whole time. Now let’s discuss why women are incapable of voting for other women on worthless reality TV shows. So go wash down your Boniva with a glass of Franzia White Zinfandel while you play The Boxer for the 1031st time, Lee DeWyze fans, I hope you’re in the mood to buy his album in bulk come November.

As for me, well, I’ll still be around recapping some other shit TV (and really good TV come July). I hope you’ll still visit. Is our time together really done for the year?

Spread the word. Do it.

Dickory Dock

This post is mostly dead (mostly) but I didn’t know where else to put this.

Goat Boy and La Princesa:

Lauren

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
et

Aw! Beloved Goat Boy! La Princesa!
auntieaimee

Cute picture.

jukejoint

I just saw some pics of the finale red carpet, and Taylor Hicks was there with this snippy little “actress” named Crystal Hunt, who was memorable on “Guiding Light” for playing a bratty little Paris Hilton kind of chick, for hitting the Daytime Emmys red carpet with a bitchy attitude and a tiny dog under her arm (who brings a dog to an awards show who isn’t blind?) and for stinking up “One Life to Live” as the awfulawfulawful Stacy, who came to town to try to steal her sister’s boyfriend/husband and was so hated and so BAD at it (usually the bad girls are quite beloved, but she was just terrible at anything remotely resembling acting) that fans were begging the folks in charge to kill her character off and put viewers out of their misery and they actually did it. She dropped down down down into an icy pond, dropping off her Who’s-the-Daddy baby before she sank completely.

So THIS is what Taylor Hicks is reduced to. Crystal Hunt. Huh.

Burgundy LaRue

Eh, I kind of liked Crystal during her run as Lizzie on Guiding Light. She was a spoiled, selfish little princess–which is what I expected from someone raised by the Spaulding clan. But her turn as Stacy on One Life to Live was really bad. The flaky writing for the character didn’t help, but she still didn’t deliver the goods. That year was plum pitiful.

Not surprised that she would latch on to him, though. She broke up with her finace a while back. Taylor’s got some Broadway/musical connections that he can use to get her some work. And rumor has it that Taylor has been smart with his money–I don’t see her going for a broke guy. So if Crystal can figure out a way to live comfortably through Taylor, I see her staying with him for a while.

rockpaperscissors

Lee looks like a cardboard cut out in the first picture. LOL
jazz

I hope this isn’t off-topic,. but remember that Glambert who was so down on Kris a couple of days ago because his voice might have been worn & stated something like, “true singers NEVER need to rest their voices, they always perform for their fans no matter what,” blah, blah, blah? Wonder how she felt when she heard Adam stayed out of the finale because he was resting his voice?

ross

Good one.

Of course, she now I’m sure she feels that “True singers ALWAYS need to rest their voices. The fans come second to preserving the voice.”

saskin

Here is what I don’t get; Allen fans are usually very smart people but can they not see that the proper etiquette in such situations is to get very very concerned about Lamberg? You know like “OMG if he cannot just sit with the audience for 2 hours and get on stage to pretend to sing for 45 seconds how is he going to be able to keep up with the tour?” or “i was thinking about buying a bunch of tickets for his show for me and my family but after reading that he needs vocal rest even before the tour, i am not so sure about buying them anymore, I think shouting that much is doing a number on his vocal chords.”

ross

^That is brilliance, right there.

muzikizmi

Yep. True brilliance. Glambert always needs vocal rest to get him out of doing something he doesn’t want to do.

There is no way he and his giant ego, could have worn the white suit, to sing with the other runnersup. If laryngitis was really the issue, he could have lip synced. I’ll bet if he did, all of the Glamberts would have sworn that they heard his voice, and that it was so powerful that it drowned out everyone else.

Nope, he didn’t want a non-spotlight role. Remember last summer when he was on vocal rest for three weeks, because he didn’t want to hug his sweaty, smelly fans? He would have rode that excuse all summer if he could have gotten away with it.
vtu

Oh, come on. I like to snark on some of the ridiculous things Adam does as much as the next person, but this is going a bit far. The guy has a brand to manage now, and part of that is being seen as the biggest thing to come out of idol in years. Not participating in the group sing was probably more about PR than about ego. Look at all the press he got for not being there. Can’t really fault the guy (and his PR team) for having a successful strategy.

wino

are the demographics for Idol similar to Dancing with the Stars? meaning tweens and cougs? i find it disparaging/odd/sad that Dancing viewers can award women the trophy, yet Idol fans are immune to the vagina. wtf.

On The Edge

Oh please…they weren’t voting for Nicole Scherinzinger (???), they were voting for Derek Hough. They’re still voting for the hottest peen…it just depends on whether that peen’s attached to one of the “stars” or one of the pro dancers.

wino

ahhh, true. brooke burke also won…with Derek. hmmm, kristi yamacoochie was partnered up with one of the young guys during her season when she won. forgot that with that show, the true stars are sometimes the dancers themselves.

jukejoint

Derek Hough, Julianne Hough (who had the race car driver and the Olympic gold medal ice skater guy Apolo Anton Ohno), Mark Ballas (who had two different Olympic gold medalists, one Kristi Yamaguchi and the other Shawn Johnson, both of whom had huge fanbases coming in) and Cheryl Burke have each won Dancing with the Stars twice. They represent 8 our of 10 Dancing champions. But Cheryl hasn’t won since season 3. The first year was Alec Mazo, who is a total hottie but since then has always been given so-so partners or not even cast. He got a soap star that first year, and the show was new and things were weird and she won because she benefited from Insane Clown Soap Opera Posse. So I don’t think he really counts. The only other winner is Kym, and she won because they gave her Donny Osmond, who has Insane Clown Mormon Posse and Insane Clown 80s Puppy Love Posse.

I used to be very into Dancing with the Stars, because I like the Russians like Maks and Anna Trebunskaya, but after they introduced the Wonder Triplets (Julianne, Derek and Mark) I tuned out because the judges pimp them (especially Julianne and Derek) to the max.

The other thing that’s different about Dancing with the Stars is that the judges’ scores are at least half of their total will-I-be-booted-or-not equation. Somebody told me that in the finale this year, the judges were like 3/4 of the total, so that’s how they finagle women “stars” winning. Year 1 it was a women, and then not again until year 5 or something. If they had kept with the 50-50 judges-audience equation, I have no doubt Evan Lysacek would’ve mopped the floor with the Pussycat Doll.

They do what they need to do to get the result they want, just like American Idol.

Burgundy LaRue

I can’t figure out for the life of me why Dancing With the Stars manipulates their voting. At least with Idol, their wanting a successful star that can sell albums/singles beyond the show makes sense. With DWTS, the winner gets a tacky trophy and a few guest spots on morning talk shows. That’s it. A star may be able to get an endorsement here and there, but that doesn’t help the show in any way. Actually, some of the pro dancers have become bigger celebs than the actual stars.

They totally rig things when it comes to the non-sports women on the show. I still contend that Warren Sapp had beat Brooke Burke during S7–the guy appeared to be more popular and had pulled in more viewer votes. But they had one last dance scored by the judges and you could tell by the voting that they knew exactly what Brooke needed to win. Brooke was a better dancer than Warren, but has the personality of a wet paper towel. Combine being a decent dancer with better charisma, and it stands to reason Warren could legitmately win. But they really wanted another non-athlete with XX chromosomes as champion. Kristi Yamaguchi had won the season before, but that was a no-brainer and she was the fourth athlete in a row to win. They needed to break up things. Still, it makes no sense to basically rig a show that bears no fruit beyond the show itself.

MissMyEm

Just to say I attended the Finale on Wednesday. Didn’t care who won even if I thought Crystal should have. I’m also not concerned about their careers. I am a Kris fan and I thought he was fabulous. He looked good too. Too bad they didn’t announce The Truth as the new single off the self titled CD. But…really…I’m not surprised.

As a dinosaur myself, I enjoyed seeing Alice Cooper who wore make up back in the day when it was cool. Joe Cocker, The Bee Gees, Michael McDonald, Hall and Oats…it was a nice touch.

Bret Michaels brought the house down. Bret, who nearly died a few weeks back and is still sick (please take care Bret) found the time to make the show against his doctors orders. Bret’s kind of like the mailman…neither rain, sleet or snow…or a strained throat will prevent him from entertaining. It might not have been the smartest thing for him to do, but it was the classiest.

Loved seeing all the former Idols on the stage together. And I loved seeing all the Idols past.

I am not very fond of Simon Cowell so all the Simon love made me want to hurl, especially the segments with Paula Abdul. And how did Rickey Minor feel without even a “we’ll miss you too buddy”? Maybe Rickey likes Kris too much so he’s lopped together in the “he who shall not be named” category.

And a word about the off camera stuff. Whatever anyone is thinking…in the audience…most of the signs were for Lee. Lee got the most screams and applause. During the commercial breaks, Corey the warm up comic, asked several people who they voted for. Everyone he talked to said Lee.

Casey, Mike and Lee singing live, sound exactly the way they do on the television. The rest of them actually sound better.

jazz

AI really doesn’t seem to appreciate true muscians, huh (e.g., Ricky Minor)

Nich

Now Lee is getting compared to Elvis? What did Elvis ever do to deserve this? Ok don’t answer that.
carmine2008

I was reading the threads over at MJs and there are some Crystal/Lee shippers over there after Mamasox broke up with her (hot) boyfriend.

Federer’s Nose

Aww… I like fanwars better than shipping, except when it gets dragged on for too long (ahem). Come on, Season 9, where’s the fireworks?

saskin

Can we now have Bowersox, DeWyze and James on the banner instead of season 8 people? You know, to move on. This Lamberg/Allen thing is boring me to no end. Even though it is fun to make fun of the fans of the former.

Pandora

No LEE banners! There’s no Gokey, so please leave him off too. Crystal and Casey, sure, maybe even Timmy, but no Wheezy.

Nich

I think I know why there aren’t any crazy Crystaltards (do girls get tards?) vs Leetards wars. Check out the Casey thread on TWoP, it seems like they are all Goattards! To which I say…why the heck didn’t they vote him into the final two?? Can they be lazier than Kristards? Is that possible?

et

Aw, Goattards are lazy? Poor Beloved Goat Boy! And poor thing if he has some fun BSC-ers, the tour should be much excitement for him!

carmine2008

High on a hill with a lonely goat-tard
Yodele yodele yodele hee hoo!!!

Was that Sound of Music reference intentional? Hahaha.

the tard king

Dane Cook – the Lee Dewyze of comedy.
jukejoint

Sooooo… When does Kris get a platinum plaque for Live Like We’re Dying? Or did Jive just have the UPS guy drop it off at his house? Or maybe Jive is too cheap to order those big platinum albums and frames and ladeda.

I was just remembering them bringing out dancing girls to hand Cook his platinum plaque on what I think was the finale.

et

Who? What platinum plaque? Who?!
justpeachy

I thought Kris presented it to him at one of the results nights. But my memory’s not always reliable.

leastofall

Kris presented it to Daughtry on Top 4 results night. Remember Ryan saying ‘To Chris from our Kris… ‘ or some shit like that.

justpeachy

I stand corrected.

justpeachy

Or rather, I sit in front my of computer corrected.
leastofall

LOL!

jukejoint

I’m totally confused. Why would Kris Allen give Daughtry a platinum plaque for Live Like We’re Dying?

ladymadonna

I lashed-out on Twitter last night when they didn’t see fit to find time to present Kris with his Platinum plaque (hell – he didn’t even get a few words with Seacrest about passing on the crown, or even a handshake). But then I checked the RIAA and it turns out ‘Live Like We’re Dying’ hasn’t been certified yet, so there’s no plaque to present.

(Note – RIAA certification is not automatic. The label must apply and pay for an audit of the Soundscan numbers before Gold/Platinum/Diamond certification will be granted. Some labels are too cheap or it’s not a priority and never even bother applying for certification – for instance Archie’s Crush is technically not Platinum even though it has sold close to 2 million copies).

As for Cook – the dancing girls handed him his Platinum plaque for the Magic Rainbow when he performed on the Fox New Years Eve special in Vegas. He was certified for his album in January but they waited to present the plaque in order to make a big deal of it on Idol (Look! Idol winners sell millions of records!!). So he got his album Platinum from some pretty girls pulled from the swaybot pit when he appeared on Idol last April to sing ‘Come Back to Me’. He has also been certified Platinum for ‘Light On’ but that plaque was not presented publicly. ‘Come Back to Me’ is about to go Gold too, but if RCA even bothers certifying it I’m pretty sure it will be handed over at the RCA offices with a handshake and a quick photo op.

ross

Kris didn’t need a platinum plaque presented to him (though that would have been nice), but I actually expected to see a brief intro film, with Live Like We’re Dying playing in the background, or at least some mention that it went platinum. Predictably the next day, all the lazy journalists were out, saying “Has Kris Allen even sold any music since he won?” Stuff like that. If AI bragged that the previous year’s winner has been doing well, I can’t see how that would hurt AI. It would only make AI look credible.

deez

Best “duet” of the night:

Nich

Love it! Was she on stage? I thought I saw pink hair but I wasn’t sure.

MarkC

Yep, that was her.

auntieaimee

Aw! Allison looks fantastic but she should not lose any more weight. She’s a little wisp of a thing now.

Pandora

Yeah, let’s hope they don’t push her to become a lollipop-girl like Carrie.

Destry

Agree, I love her to death as she is. Looks really hot in that pic (so does Kris of course)

Kathy

lol Deez, I just came to post this very pic heh Great minds.
leastofall

ADORABLE! Such dorks! Love it! LOL @ Daniel in the background, or at least I think it’s him, Kris’ younger brother.

deez

Have you seen Daniel with hair? I found this @IDF (lololololol…no wonder he opted for bald)

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Ok…let’s at least kind of cool it on the Kris Allen stuff, mmm-kay? I know he was on the finale and everything, but…

deez

sorry [/tard]

Lauren

I love this picture so much. If my Kradam avi wasn’t too epic to touch, I would totally use this picture. Alli and Kris are so beautiful.
et

Oh jeez, they are so cute. Love them!

Destry

They really are. Someone mentioned in another thread that because Orianthi is a stronger guitar player than singer, Allison and she should pair up and form their own band. I think that would be a badass dream come true, mixing Allison’s husky rock voice with Ori’s sexy guitar.

Lauren

Yesss! That would be pretty awesome! Rocker girls unite!

nerdgirl

LOL at Kris wearing some sort of Hugh Hefner style jacket. Just say no to them stylists! Allison looks terrific!

sj

That jacket is tragic.

Rach

Lee singing “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?” Reminded me of Season 7′s David Hernandez singing something along the lines “…to be bold and NAKED in your eyes.” He totally gave some crazy smile after he said naked. Does anybody else remember that? It’s ironic because Lee is pitchy and David is a gay stripper. Ha.

Sandy

I remember that with David Hernandez. I couldn’t help laughing when Lee sang “What would you do if I sang out of tune?…..” How appropriate for him.

Burgundy LaRue

Yeah, I remember that–at least David H. caught the joke. Lee can improve, but yeah–he’s got some work ahead of him.

summersnow

I saw the photo of Kris singing and thought to myself: the return of the sidemouth. I think he and Allison have the most attractive bands out of all Idols with bands.

I’m not sure whether anyone here ever heard of Kurt Nilsen, the first and only world idol who actually defeated Kelly Clarkson for the title. Coincidentally, he also covered Hallelujah and Beautiful Day(the song that won him the title). He’s not your usual idol but his voice is a rare gem.

Hallelujah with other singers (can’t be embedded):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2NEU6Xf7lM

Beautiful Day:

Paulie

Someone on my Twitter feed also mentioned that the guy who won Asian Idol sang Beautiful Day. I guess that song is the kiss of win(?), much like some songs with “Home” are kisses of death…

deez

Ugh. I don’t really care for Lee, but after reading all the reviews from critics (who also felt the need to point out last year’s “undeserving” winner) I’m starting to feel a little sorry for the droopy dude.

Almost every single Glambert @ MJ’s is saying Lee>>>>Kris this morning. One of them even said he was more creative. (pretending to like Droopy is one thing, but c’mon!! ya’ gotta somewhat stick to the truth here.)

No, kris is a good technical singer, but in terms of vocal tone and giving an interpretation with originality, Lee>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Kris.

Which prompted the post of the day:

Kirsten:
05/27/2010 at 1:01 pm

I really can’t argue with some of that. When it comes to originality, Lee has definitely shown that he can find more original places off the musical scale to sing. Kris is so boring. He just uses the same old notes that we’ve had for centuries. Lee invents entirely new notes and keys on the fly. He also doesn’t believe in being hedged in by such stodgy things like melodies and lyrics. Why bother to learn them? People need to be more free thinkers. Think outside the box. One thing for sure, no two Lee concerts will ever be the same! You won’t even recognize the songs from one time to the next.

et

Kirsten is fricking hilarious. Her posts make me laugh my ass off. That was definitely the post of the day, A++++.
jmom376

Kirsten is always so funny and has the perfect responses for the current situation. LOL. She is awesome.

deez

She needs to pay us a visit!!!!!!!!

DeeDee

I love, love, love Kirsten! She is hysterical. Why doesn’t she come here? Someone needs to go over there and issue an invitation.

CayKat

That is one of the dumbest comments I have ever read in relation to this show.
summersnow

What’s so funny is that I notice a few glamberts on mj blog were rooting for Lee and they talked about how he actually “improved” over the weeks, emotionally connected to the lyrics blah blah. I always thought they dun like boring, bland white guys with guitars and prefer more exciting performers in glittery suits that can hit the highest notes ever.

deez

Lol!! I read that one as well!!!!!
I’ll bet most of you have already read it, but just in case. here’s Slezak’s recap:
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20312226_20388826,00.html

Blue Eyes

That nasty Popeater guy, Rob Shuter, who made the story up about Adam, is the biggest shit-stirrer! I went into his Twitter account and he keeps tweeting Taylor Hicks frauen about a nobody actress Taylor took to the finale, so he can get them riled up. What an asshole!

http://twitter.com/NaughtyNiceRob

Pandora

I thought that a singer’s range trumped everything, according to the doctrine of glambertia? In which case, Lee’s 4-note range was obviously the bestest ever, right?
ross

I wonder how much they’d like Lee if he had beat Adam.

Pandora

He would NEVER be able to beat Adam! Adam has more fans than anyone in the history of music! More people will vote for Adam than any other contestant ever!

Oh, wait.

Mithra

I don’t know about that. Lee is now getting Elvis comparisons. From Rickey’s:

I don’t know about Crystal, but I would date Lee in a heartbeat! He is so damn cute!!!!! My mom said he reminded her a little bit of Elvis, and I remember thinking he does have an Elvis-like quality to him in his looks. The girls seem to scream over him a lot, that’s for sure.
et

Oh, no, Elvis again? Haha.
deez

Old, fat, drugged out Elvis? Maybe.

Rach

If Lee had beat Adam the world would stop turning and the trees would burn down. Lee would probably then be assassinated, and after being decapitated, his body would be paraded through the streets and his head put in a museum. All this done by the Glambos.

Lauren

I think if Lee had beaten Adam, I would be a BSC Glambert. I was okay with Kris beating Adam because he is talented and both of them deserved to win, but Lee can’t sing. I think it would drive me insane.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

GLAMBOS! GLAMBOS! GLAMBOS!

I think we have a winner.
Rach

Yay! What’d I win!?! Tell me it’s a lifetime of peace & happiness….or a lifetime supply of Milk Duds.
et

Yay, GLAMBOS! See, nice Glamberts? Now we can differentiate between you and the HIVE!

Rach

My brother saw Lee stuttering about something and exclaimed “1 million sperm and he was the fastest?”

jmom376

This made me laugh really hard… My son always gloats that he was a winner before he was even born because he was the fastest out of a 1 million sperm. My teasing response is usually I guess everyone else was sleeping at that moment.

deez

UGH!!!!! Crystal and her BF have broken up! Frauen @ MJ’s are in a tizzy! Oooooooh!!! Crystal and Lee! How romantic!! ……barf.

(hmmmm, the “I love You, Crystal” from Lee???? Didn’t really think much of it last night. GAG…if true.)

et

Did you watch the interview with Crystal? Kinda made me want to hug the girl, especially when she said she’d hoped he would be at the finale but he wasn’t. Hey selfish Tony? Whatever the reasons for your breakup, you couldn’t come to the damn finale?!

deez

I’ll have to go listen to it. I got waylaid by the commenters who already have Lee and Crystal in a committed relationship.

et

Haha, but they HUGGED! Lee said he LOVED HER!

No, it’s a sad little interview, I really did want to hug the girl.

MarkC

*sigh*

I did feel bad for Crystal though. Talk about an ugly time for a breakup.
jukejoint

I also feel bad for Crystal, but she’s better off without Guy So Selfish He Books On Her Big Day. Maybe he can look up Elliott Yamin’s skanky girlfriend, the one he dumped five minutes after the season was over because he found an LA quasi-model he liked better.

I think Crystal goes better with Casey or David Cook. The latter of which has probably never met her. But, hey, she’d be a major step up from his usual icky chicks.

It seems like most of the smart, talented women who front their own bands end up hooking up and breaking up with someone in the band. And then they end up with someone way better looking and smarter later. So, you know, Crystal, hold out for somebody good and don’t jump for the first (Lee) lump (Lee) who (Lee) crosses (Lee) your path.

Not shipping! Not shipping! Making fun! Not shipping!

saskin

I thought Lee was dating Siobhan. What is he? Casanova?

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Lee must be hung like an elephant.

et

*Octo-peen*, TI. Did you miss the discussion on Octo-peen? I mean, who can resist THAT?!

(Ew)
deez

Oh I think there’s already a thread on the “Leenis” @IDF. (I read that somewhere)
et

Good God, a Leenis. I think there should be a law against talking about these Idols’ packages. It just… no.

Rach

I saw a list from Lee and it said 25 things you don’t know about Lee.

Here are two from it.

23. I don’t have a girlfriend, but wouldn’t mind one

25. I am romantic

So he thinks he’s a cassanova. LOL
Other highlights from the list were

4. I have an English bulldog named Capone
14. I’m not allergic to anything
16. I like to play poker

deez

Poker? Uh-oh, TI…you may get to meet Droopy.

suew

haha, got a laugh outta me. I thought he was dating siobhan too, but then she said she had a boyfriend. Maybe the girls are just falling all over themselves for him, breaking up with boyfriends, etc. for the chance to be with him.

Incidentally, I did see him at the AT&T store in chicago (up close) and afterward he COULD NOT have been nicer to everyone. Comes across as very genuine, down to earth, also very good looking (imo).
nerdgirl

I thought he was dating Andrew and they were gonna have Gokey-babies?

http://8sourcandy.wordpress.com/ 8sourcandy

I was hoping she hooked up with Melissa Etheridge and Tony was her beard. I am such a GAYTARD! lol!

Kate123

My mom is 42 and even she had no idea who some of the performers were last night, so I really really had nooo clue. I loved Crystal/Alanis though and I was excited to see Kris.

I missed Casey though, so I’ll have to google that performance.

I was annoyed that Lee won, but then he started sort of crying and I’m a huge sap for that kind of stuff. W.e. I think Slezak is totally right that this year it really doesn’t matter who wins because people are going to buy the albums based on the music, not the titles.

Burgundy LaRue

I’m a sucker for the crying and happy dancing, too. Every year, it happens. At the end of day, all jokes aside, I wish all of them well. 97% of the folks that try out for this show are decent people who are just trying to make a go out of what they love to do. It’s hard to begrudge anyone that. Even ones who seem angry and need serious voice coaching.

BettyBlue

I just watched the group sing and of all the winners, I thought Kris has the most pleasing voice. Maybe something is wrong with my ears because based on that performance, I’d put Taylor Hicks in the top half.

sj

I don’t think there is anything wrong with your ears. I thought Taylor sounded good too. Plus, he’s aging well – looks good. I’ve said before, I don’t know much about him, didn’t watch that season, only discovered this under-idol world last year, so I’m free of bias, just know what I’ve casually heard. I’m starting to pull for him.

I thought Kris looked and sounded great. It was a kick to see all those winners up there. Missed David Cook. Maybe there will be another opportunity for them all to get together again. Maybe the response to last night will give some producer a bright idea…
leastofall

Kris indeed sounded amazing in that group performance. I love the tone of his voice; it’s sweet, soothing and so melodic. Also now that I’ve watched his ‘The Truth’ performance again, I loved it. When I watched it live online, I was too nervous/excited to really form an opinion. The sound problems at the beginning and just the way they snubbed him afterwards really ticked me off but I watched it again, it was really good.

Also I think Cale looks HOT with all his hair chopped off!

sybiltrelawney

“What would you do if I sang out of tune,
Would you get up and walk out on me?”

Yes.

Lucky

That’s exactly what I did. I turned the tv off at 9:57 because, as I texted my sister, I did not want to see that out-of-tune douchebag get his crown.
deez

My God, I can’t wait to read tour reviews this year. I remember how some of these “critics” ripped Kris (who sounds like a choir of angels in comparison) a new one, so I can only imagine how they’ll feel about Lee if he continues to deliver the ear-rapings.

I bet Casey’s set will be awesome and fun, Crystal’s will sound great ….then, ugh…maybe the band will play really loud.

LittleMissCynic

I think we can all agree that the highlight of the Finale was Timmy’s line in Maneater. Oh, Timmy. It was great to see you again. I only wish they would have let you do the slide.

And also, the Idol winners/past contestants montage left me feeling a little verklempt. And then I realized that I have wasted 9 years of my life watching this stupid show. I’m only 20 so that’s like half of my life! Seriously, why have I put myself through this kind of torture?
auntieaimee

As far as the group numbers went, I thought Timmeh sounded the best out of the guys. WTF? What a weird season this has been.
suew

I just don’t see people mustering up the enthusiasm for fanwars for these two. Crystal’s fans don’t seem to be on the fantard level of Adam or Kris.

Speaking of which, Kris’ performance last night was kinda boring. Looked great and sounded great, but very vanilla.

Whats with all the old geezers as guest stars? They couldn’t get anybody current?

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Perhaps American Idol has accepted its fate of being the talent show of choice for middle-aged women?

Hall & Oates are great, and they’ve been experiencing a bit of a renaissance for the last couple of years or so (I would love to see a H&O night on the show), but come on, Chicago? The Bee Gees? Joe Cocker? While I’m the first person to say Western cultures often have a disdain for their elders, this is American Idol. It’s not a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony or anything of that sort.

TankieGirlie

Did that seem like a GRAND finale to anyone else? Like in FINALE?

I think they are lying about holding auditions for “next season” lol

FreeDavidCook

It did have a filling of the Last Great Hurrah, like this was the end. Perhaps over the summer they’ll make a quiet announcement that they’ve shelved the show. Except I don’t think 19E is quite ready to kill their golden goose yet. A lot depends on how much successful money grubbing whoring potential Lee has.

Lucky

You know, I’m a middle aged woman and even I didn’t want to see those jokers. Except for Hall & Oats, love those guys. One of the first concerts I ever went to, 1982 (I was 15) in Radio City, was a great show.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

My 62-year-old mother couldn’t believe they had the Bee Gees, Joe Cocker and Chicago on there! She doesn’t even watch the show! I was telling her about it and she couldn’t understand why they would have such older acts on there.

But doesn’t it just feel like they were catering to what they think women of a certain age want to see?

FreeDavidCook

I was horrified/amused to see that the once good looking BeeGee Bro had morphed into the ugly one and the ugly one had morphed into the better looking one. Even for frau pandering the acts were old, Chicago, the BeeGees and Joe Cocker started their popularity in the 60s.

ross

Looked great + sounded great = boring? Yeah, some people feel that way about stuff if it doesn’t have some twist. I’m over that kind of thing, I just want good music done with taste and intelligence.

jazz

I thought Kris’ performance was good (even with Ryan talking over the opening), and he was the only reason I watched. TI’s recap of the show was much more entertaining than the show itself.

I was so sick of how they disrespected Kris this year that I think I’m finished with this increasingly-boring show! (Is that too much of a ‘tard statement?)

ross

That was in ref. to:

Speaking of which, Kris’ performance last night was kinda
boring. Looked great and sounded great, but very vanilla.

So many people don’t sound great. I’ll take “sounds great.”

jazz

Me too, ross. Give me “sounded great” over lasers & body-part grabbing any day!

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Speaking of lasers, was I the only one creeped out by Janet sounding WAY TOO MUCH like Michael?

et

No, TI, I was too – it was like she was channeling him or something, it was bizarre.
jukejoint

If I said “Back in bowl! Back in bowl!” would anybody get the reference?
jmom376

I am glad that I am not the only one who thought that. I am on cough medicine with codeine, so I thought I was hallucinating. It was really creepy to me.
vtu

LMAO, Jukejoint. I love “All of Me.”
Destry

I had to look up from my homework to make sure it WASN’T Michael singing. Have they always sounded that much alike? Creepy

CayKat

Ross – I agree wholeheartedly

On The Edge

I just don’t see people mustering up the enthusiasm for fanwars for these two. Crystal’s fans don’t seem to be on the fantard level of Adam or Kris.

Are you kidding? Forget fanwars, everyone’s too busy “shipping” Crystal with Lee.

Anyone else think she should’ve leaked the breakup Tuesday before voting? I think she could’ve gotten the sympathy vote…sure it’s not on the level of a dead wife, but still…

Dickory Dock

Haaaaa! God, those Danny Gokey jokes never get old. I am not being sarcastic, either. He was so fun to mock.

Blue Eyes

TI, great recap! My favorite parts were also Bret and Casey’s duet, Crystal & Alanis’s duet and when Paula came out and paid tribute to Simon. Joe Cocker was pretty good too for an old guy.

Worst part is when Lee sung with Chicago – that was a total trainwreck. They also had too many old artists, who were popular back in the 70′s and 80′s. Yawn!

If I were to grade the show, I would give it a C. It was lacking any kind of real excitement.

Burgundy LaRue

What’s funny is that in terms of production value, this was the best finale ever. It looked good, very professional. The stage was set up well and most everything was hit on cue.

But the lackluster guests dragged down the show. Bret, Alanis, Hall & Oates–they did their job. Kris was good and Carrie was solid. The Idol winners’ singing to Simon was corny but sweet. Joe Cocker sounds great to be pretty darn old.

But talk watching AM Lite Rock Radio come to life. The Bee Gees, Michael McDonald? I still can’t figure out what Janet and Christina were singing for the most part–though hearing ‘Nasty Boys’ was fun. But for all the talk about contestants being current and relevant, why does Idol always saddle them with the oldie-goldies who are willing to take their money? Just so old-fashioned and plays right into the whole cougars-for-Idol motif.

What a bore.

saskin

Great recap. As usual. I couldn’t even bear to watch Paula. It broke my heart. Stupid Idol. I am so sorry to hear that she won’t be coming back.

Is there any fanwarring over the results?

Rach

It’s all one sided at MJs. It’s open season on Lee and I don’t really see much fighting back. I couldn’t take it over there. *shudder*
et

The bad-Glamberts (I’m trying, good-Glamberts, I’m trying – can’t we come up with a special name for the hive?) are so busy defending Adam and dissing Kris that they haven’t had time to stir up any trouble.

But yeah, it’s very onesided, there aren’t many Lee fans on MJs or they are just (probably wisely) keeping quiet. I don’t think it’ll last, though, really. There was not a lot of passion for this season.

Rach

I know! So much frickin’ Kris bashing. Does MJ realize that all the Kris and Lee fans aren’t gonna stick around? But whatevs. I’m glad I found Top Idol. My blood pressure doesn’t spike as high. Heh. My doctor would approve.

sj

I go over there now and then for headlines and news. I try to keep away from comments, sometimes I peek, but I feel like I’m not doing myself any favors doing that. Even reading the headlines I feel like I have to keep one eye out for danger and then I get off as fast as I can. It’s weird. Sometimes I read MJ’s twitter and I often get the sense that her jaw is clenched. It’s grim.

Pandora

And that means that the Adam-Kris wars will last for yet ANOTHER year, doesn’t it?

et

At least MJ just left them in that Adam drama thread to feed on each other. Nasty beyotches. Still a bit mystified that the known nasties like tiger92 (I pick on her, I know, but I cannot stand her) and alaadam and Tess and this Planet Fierce eejit have never been banned. Now, granted, I think Lee was not so much a good winner, but I do feel sorry for his fans because clearly he has some – he won!

The Season 8 fan war will NEVER end. Idol will be off the air for 5 years and they’ll go into X-Factor or Can Your Robot Sing? threads and bash Kris, haha.

Rach

If I was MJ I’d ban Tess, tiger92, gangreen29, alaadam, and BornToBeWildAFL. I assume the AFL stands for Adam f’ing Lambert. Heck I’d ban everybody but tierbee *wink*, and all the Archie and Cook fans… they can get along. I just realized I’d be a horrible blog runner. Kudos to TI.
jmom376

ET: I am with you. I still scratch my head and wonder how they haven’t gotten permanently banned yet. I guess they know how to play the game better than the fans of others. You can pretty much say anything you want about the contestants. You just can’t point out the stupidy of other posters.
et

tierbee is *awesome* — and pissed off today, so has put herself in time out from any thread that says “Adam” in it. Not because of Adam but because of tiger92 and alaadam and Planet Fierce and borntohavetoolongofascreenname. And others. Those who should have been banned for baiting long ago. It isn’t even *fun* to argue with them because they are just nasty. I like you snarky TI blog peeps. And I feel bad for MJ, I really do. But the hive, it is a-stirring!
et

Rach, I think you should run after them with your brain-head and scary eel-like mouth and chase all the Bad-Glamberts away. And I will follow you waving my SHOO TROLL claws.

But jmom376 (who appears to be saying – VOGUE!), you’re right, they do play the game well. So I guess even though they are nuts, they aren’t entirely stupid
ross

Now, granted, I think Lee was not so much a good winner, but I do feel sorry for his fans because clearly he has some – he won!

Don’t you know people who win don’t really have fans? I thought we learned that last year. They have casual fans. And runners ups have haters. These haters are who really vote for the winner. Please pay attention. People go to a lot of trouble to repeat these things over and over for a year.
ross

Runners up. Runner ups? (Aka, losers.)
Rach

I would but my monster just happens to be a coward. He puts up a good front though. He’s kind of self-concious about his brains being *on* his head. But those Bad-Glamberts better watch there backs I’m running out of places to put the bodies.

Anywho, I’m glad Lee won.
Burgundy LaRue

Rach and I should put our super brains together to destroy all of the Bad Glams. Factor in Rach’s sharp teeth and my claws, those nutcases wouldn’t stand a chance!
et

But Kris got the HOMEPHOBES and the Christians and the CHIKINS! What did Lee get?! PAINTERS!
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

PAINTERPHOBE
et

Sigh, I am a Painterphobe. I prefer WALLPAPER INSTALLERS!
jukejoint

Did you see all the discussion at MJs about what a paint salesman is? I’m like, people, please! It means the guy who puts it in the whirly machine and sticks a little paint fingerprint on the top and rings you up on the register. Like paint store clerk. Paint mixer/ringer-up guy. Guy who sells the paint by ringing it up on the register and taking your money.

How hard is that?

PAINTERPHOBES UNITE! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR TARPS!
ross

I knew one of them, once. I didn’t agree with his lifestyle but he didn’t bother anyone and kept to himself. Then I saw Lee DeWyze on American Idol and I started to understand that paint salesmen are just like the rest of us. Soon I was speaking in their ‘jargon’, and even hanging out in paint stores, like any other hip person. I know there is a lot of prejudice out there, so all I can say is, if all paint salesmen were as beautiful, inside and out, as Lee DeWyze, it would be a better world!!!And Crystal Bowersox really is a no-talent skank!!!Thanks for listening!!!
deez

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Pandora

I am a painterphobe and I’m proud of it.
Nich

I prefer wood paneling in my home. None of that sassy paint business, thankyouverymuch.
et

Hmm, I might have to dump my wallpaper installers and go for wood-paneling-putter-uppers. ANYTHING but painters. I’m a hater, you know.

(Why am I imagining that first sentence set to the music for “Real Men of Genius” for the beer commercials?”
et

We need a book. A book about SuperBrains defeating the Glamhive. For sure.
ross

But Kris got the HOMEPHOBES and the Christians and the CHIKINS! What did Lee get?! PAINTERS!

Lee got the religious right wing nuts who would never vote for an unwed mother. Also, the people who are *scared* of anyone with diabetes. You will read this. Be prepared.
Destry

LOL! That’s why I didn’t vote for her. Diabetes freaks me out.

Burgundy LaRue

I propose that we call the sweet, normal Adam Lambert fans HONEY GLAMS. All the others? Whatever nasty term that pops up in our heads is fine by me.

Rach

Hmm. Maybe 2 super brains could work. My monster just needs some coaxing. I’m liking Honey Glams….

As for the Bad Glams well they need help.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Sacrificial Glams?

ross

I propose that we call the sweet, normal Adam Lambert fans HONEY GLAMS.

That’s cute. Let’s call the sweet, normal Adam fans that. All eleven of them.

Pandora

Do they have to fill out applications? And do we here at TI get to decide which ones qualify as normal? (Lauren, you’re the Queen Honey Glam)

MarkC

I’ll admit to being one of the people who really ripped Lee a new one over at MJ’s (I’m just Mark over there), especially on the finale thread itself. Was decidedly not happy about the win, but have backed off a little, and I did end up writing some stuff in defense of the WGWG winners who are also getting bashed over there. (Kris in particular, no surprise)

It’s a weird argument space to be in, trying to defend some people who everyone is putting in that same category while bashing the remaining one in the category. In the end, my appreciation for Cook and Kris’s accomplishments on the show override any negative feelings I have about Lee’s win.

Have to say, though… that note about some guy named Ty being the next winner of the show was absolutely hilarious.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

MJ said she was staying out of that thread today b/c she couldn’t take it. I don’t blame her. I couldn’t deal with the likes of Tess and Tiger92. I’m sure it will get even more exciting the longer the inmates run the asylum, so for entertainment, just keep checking back to the Adam Lambert vocal rest scandal thread on MJs.

auntieaimee

It takes hundreds of posts to say what a non-issue it is, apparently.
saskin

I just did that. That tread is ridiculous. MJ must be an angel. That is all I can say. Obviously they also invaded the finale thread and turned into Lambert/Allen fanwar zone.

Lee vs Crystal; nothing at all. Zip. Zilch. Actually some are shipping those two since apparently Crystal announced that she broke up with her boyfriend a couple of days ago. Soooo different than last season. Bummer.
Pandora

I went and looked. The last post I read was from Q3, I believe, suggesting that tickets are not available all over the internet for Adam’s “sold-out” concerts. I’m tempted to register (I forgot what my login was there, it’s been so long) and post a link to the craigslist page for the DC show, with dozens and dozens of tickets for sale.

Lucky

Fantastic recap, as usual TI. It certainly was a shitfest except for Kris, Bret & Casey and Hall & Oats. I also enjoyed all the Idols coming back. Lee sucks ass and his performance with Chicago was embarrassing to say the least. Thanks alot stupid frau!!!! Looking forward to your Mad Men recaps and hell, I’ll even read recaps of shows that I don’t watch because you are awesome TI!
Mithra

Pauler’s tribute was so awkward and strange. Just like the good old days. Am I the only one who for a brief second thought when she said near the begging “To sir, with love” that she would break into what would have been a most craptastic spectacular serande?

Bret and Casey – the highlight, but I was on the edge of my seat worrying that he was going to keel over.

Adam has been tweeting spin control and now saying he was NEVER asked to be there. Yeah right. He probably saw the cast of nobodies outside of the winners (Michael Johns?) doing the tribute, that he conviently became “ill.” In this case, I kind of can’t blame him.

Kathy

Great recap as always. Mithra I too was worried the whole time Bret was singing. I kept thinking no screaming, no screaming! Bret with Casey and Kris were my highlights. I actually liked seeing almost all the winners together and then Simon speaking but then I’m kinda mushy.

Pandora

I didn’t even watch the crapfest. I went to a Pilates class and decided to watch last week’s episode of Friday Night Lights instead.

But it’s obvious why Lee won: the name. Three syllables. Can’t have more than that if you want to win American Idol. Think about it… Kris Allen (3); David Cook (3); Jordin Sparks (3); Taylor Hicks (3). Americans don’t have the attention span to pay attention for longer than three syllables anymore.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Fantasia…

Burgundy LaRue

It’s not so much the syllable count as much as does the name have K and/or R sounds with in it. Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, Cook, Kris Allen–all have those distinct sounds to their moniker. This season bucked the trend–because with k/r theory, Crystal Bowersox fit perfectly. Lee DeWyze sounds kind of plain next to the other eight champions.

Burgundy LaRue

However, the 3-syllabe theory coming into play during Season 5–just as the undersexed soccer moms took over the show? Maybe not an accident?

Burgundy LaRue

How did I manage to spell syllable right the first time and whiff on it the second time?

Pandora

Lee DeWyze sounds kind of plain next to the other champions.

Oh how I love the double meaning of this, Burgundy.

jukejoint

Somebody somewhere commented that the last three winners’ names can be found within Kristy Lee Cook’s name. So a) it’s all her fault, and b) look for somebody named Ty to win next year, since that’s the only bit left after you take out Kris, Lee and Cook.

caspar

Lee DeWyze is the first winner or runner up with no ‘A’ in his name. (His real first name isn’t Leland, I hope?) (Bo’s real name is Harold, BTW).

jukejoint

I wiki’d him. His middle name is James. Does that count?
Rach

Lee’s real first name is actualy Leon. Sadly no ‘a’. Unless its Leaon. haha

http://www.detailsinthefabric.tk/ Shosh

The big question remains:
Will you still cover next season?
Dickory Dock

This recap needs to be bronzed and put on my mantle. Good work, TI.

Seeing Casey’s enthusiastic intro of Alice Cooper made me wish for a Casey/Crystal finale. It would also seem Casey James has some sort of alergic reaction to the top four buttons on any shirt he wears. That’s OK, Casey. At least you don’t have Lee’s moobs and pot belly.

Kris Allen is adorable.

I was sort of hoping the Bee Gees would come out in white leisure suits, be joined by Casey with his curly hair and a white blazer, and do The Barry Gibb Talk Show.

The less said about Big Mike, the better.

Ricky Gervaise is a genius.

Hall & Oates! I cracked up at Timmeh and Casey getting the solos for Man Eater. Timmy, we’ve missed you.

Suck it, Kara. Go cry in your Open Toed Shoes. There are just No Boundaries as what you will do for eternal youth, but don’t you dare try drinking Alanis Morissette’s blood.

Ha! Alanis Morissette and Crystal were awesome. Meanwhile, Kara seethes off camera.

Casey and Bret stole the show. There is not much I love more than overwrought hair band power ballads. Work it, Bret Michaels. God damn, but Casey can play the guitar.

Lee sang with Chicago and I almost we myself laughing. That was so very, very bad. Even their warbling couldn’t make him sound good in comparison.

Seeing all the past Idols and Paula was so fantastically cheezy. Elliot! Anoop! Matt! Brooke! Bo! KELLY! Kris! I will admit it brought a tear to my eye.

But Kris did look like a 7th grader next to Jordin. That was all kinds of awkward.

And so, the rise of the House of Peen is unstoppable. Tuneless Lee takes the prize. Meh. Fitting end to a shitty season.

Kathy

Yes this for sure cements that the peen is unstoppable. You could always say before that the Davids and Kris and Adam were all talented and that is why they made the finals rather than the girls of the season. But for Depitchy to beat Crystal? Nope, a girl will never win again.

Blue Eyes

No, a girl will never win. I still say next season will be the last. No one will watch this show without Simon and Paula. There’s no way they can replace them.

Did anyone catch the scowl on Ellen’s face when Paula came out? That was hilarious!

jukejoint

I didn’t like Chicago even in the 70s when “Color My World” was the theme of my prom (that and “Nights in White Satin” were the theme of EVERYBODY’s prom in those days) and my freshman year in college, my roommate was obsessed with them and played their music non-stop. I think we were already up to Chicago X by then, which was about IX too many.

If the intent was to go straight to the heart of the Boomer generation, they blew it. I HATE CHICAGO.

I’m sure they only picked them because of their name and they thought it was cute to pair them with Lee.

By the way, I saw somebody pose the idea that nobody from Chicago can sing, and I just want to say that a) Lee is from Mt. Prospect, not the city, and b) Jennifer Hudson is really from Chicago. So there is that.

Pandora

Isn’t Mat Kearney originally from Chicago? He can sing too.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Color My World would have been PERFECT for Lee b/c that dude could not sing a note, either.

jukejoint

I just realized that even though “Color My World” was the theme of my prom, I wore a black and white dress. Rebel!

Federer’s Nose

I guess this is where the Kris fans are lazy stereotype came from but that was the first time I heard the new version of The Truth (it’s that one, right?). I was singing along until that choppy part stopped me, and I did not love it. He sounded okay there, but he looked great.

I did not know who the hell almost half of the performers were (the old ones, of course), so reading your post help me identify them. Ricky Gervais was great, as always. Paula’s segments was… awkward.

Much as I’ve come to dislike Simon in the past years, I kinda felt sad watching his montages. I love the idol winners singing together coz I love cheese. And really, they had to stick Kris next to Jordin???

Lee’s winning moment also brought a lump in my throat, eventhough I’ve been pretty much apathetic about this whole thing (leaning a bit towards Crystal, but fine either way). Yeah, I’m gullible like that. And before I forget, I totally love it that they didn’t gloat on vote totals. And ditched the coronation song. And the one time trophy too.

Great recap, TI! See ya next season (hopefully)

summersnow

I’m not sure which choppy part you refer to but TPTB actually made him shortened the song, so maybe it does not flow as coherently as the full version? Anyway for those not familiar with the song, I think they would not notice.

Federer’s Nose

Yeah, I mean… it was my first time hearing the radio version and I was so used to singing the second “Trying to be perfect…” chorus that I was silenced when it never came. That’s why it was choppy to me. But I agree, the general crowd won’t feel anything wrong with it.

nerdgirl

I didn’t watch either, thank you for the recap, TI. I feel like I was there, only better. From screen-caps, this season look like bunch of misfits, except for Casey, who looks right at home next to Bret – Rock of Love: Casey James? I would watch that.
deez

Of course:

tiger92:
05/27/2010 at 1:56 am

I loved Cook- voted for him. Hate the sound of Kris’ voice. Like the sound of Lee’s voice. Wanted Crystal to win this year.

My hubby is a huge Cook fan. He shouted “Where’s David” tonight when the winners came out to sing. lol
He never cared for Kris and never wanted his cd or downloaded any of his songs.
He loves Lee and wants his Slumberland cd for Father’s Day. He says Cook, Lee, then Daughtry are his three favorites.
He also enjoyed Casey this year and said he might be interested in his music.

Hmmmmm…all 3 WGWG, one of whom sounds like a croaking frog, yet Kris’s voice is the one that invokes the hate (now, be sure to throw in that Mr Tiger hates him as well)…what could it be?

et

Oh, gee, I thought my buddy tiger92 was concerned about Kris out of love

rollingmyeyes

Yep, she’s been at it all day. Rumor is that Lee is signing with RCA. I wonder how Tiger, Tess, and friends will feel once Lee starts getting more of the resources that used to go to Adam?

Miz

RCA is going to have an even bigger job pushing Lee than they did Adam. He doesn’t have that ‘novelty act’ cachet.

suew

hes just been signed w/ rca

ross

Hating someone’s voice is normal. So what do you do? Ignore it, and ignore them. Let them and their fans alone. Not obsessively go after the person on a daily basis, because you never got over your humongous case of sour grapes.
Miz

Well if your HUSBAND hates someone then it makes all your vitriol credible.

ross

Thank God her husband hates Kris. Can you imagine if he was a Kris fan?

jukejoint

Insecure sexist women often try to boost the value of their opinions by attaching a man to it like a gold star. My husband agrees with this opinion.

et

Kinda like, “Look, see? I have a husband!”

summersnow

Oh that Tiger92. Yeah she’s another “concerned” glambert like Tess. I hope she can just be honest with herself and simply say that she hated Kris’s voice becos he won over her favorite.

Destry

Dude, do NOT go against that woman! She will bitchslap you halfway to kingdom come and back with your tail between your legs.

I tried to disagree with her once, and the whole thing ended up with me weeping bitterly

Destry

although I think I’m just preaching to the choir here

et

If you’ve read enough of my posts you know that I *LOVE* tiger92. Love. Heh. That creature is loathesome.

the tard king

I’m astonished that she found someone stupid and/or masochisitic enough to marry her. Mercifully for him she seems to squat at mjs 24/7.

TankieGirlie

Bahahaha I know you saw but Bwahahaha

kmkolsch

WTF Bret Michaels did not win
…American Idol?

13 minutes ago
via web

Retweeted by you AHAHAHAHA
et

And TI, your totally awesome tweets made the show much more bearable. Well, because I was reading your tweets instead of watching, of course.

Great recap, love it. That pic of Casey in his schoolboy jacket is priceless. Aw, Beloved Goat Boy!
songkat7

Love your recap, TI! Brilliant!

Really, really wish that Crystal had won, but I wasn’t surprised.

What a weird, weird finale. The performances seemed rushed, Lee sang in the key of Lee, Crystal shined brightly, Alanis is awesome, Casey and Bret were amazing, and the end was hilarious because not only did Lee look like he was going to hurl, but the poor guy didn’t even get the full song sung before the show was cut off.

I feel kinda bad for Lee. The judges/show/producers were not honest with him from the get-go, and now because so many in the media thought Crystal should win it, I’m thinking Lee’s going to suffer in the press.

Meanwhile, being from and in Chicago, I’m inundated with Lee’s win all around me. And yes, I have tickets to the Idol Tour (my first) which this year has been moved to the United Center (TheHouseThatMichaelBuilt) in anticipation of Lee’s win (the United Center even tweeted a congrats to Lee tonight). It’s going to be interesting.

Dickory Dock

I can’t muster up an ounce of sympathy for Lee. He seems sort of douchey and totally willing to get on his knees to service whomever to get the win. And he bought into his own hype, which sort of made me dislike him.

Like this guy here?

Is a total douche. That is the exsquisite Mama James and the precious Baby Bowersox and the Giant Douche DeWyze.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

MAMA JAMES HOLDING BABY BOWERSOX??

I just fell in love.
Trish

Oh, I love that photo! I’ve always thought Mama James and Crystal would really hit it off. They should duet together and let Casey accompany them and back them up!
et

If Lee isn’t a douche, he surely photographs like one. It’s like he went to the Constantine school of “how to make douche faces for pictures.”

Awww, Mama James and Baby Bowersox! Aww!!

Dickory Dock

Well, if it quacks like a duck, &c. Lee isn’t as skeevy as Constantine, but he may be as douchey.

By the way, I know how to spell exqusite. Just so you know.

There was also a picture of Casey with Baby Bowersox on his lap. They were both giggling. It was sweet. That James family seem like decent folk.

jukejoint

Is our time together really done for the year?

Noooooooooooooo!

Please don’t make me actually do some work or go to bed on time or cook dinner for my husband or clean the litter box or any of those other things I sloughed off so I could make snarky comments here.

Although the cat will be much happier if I go back on litter box duty.

But SYTYCD starts in like a week, and I never could resist Pasha. I’ll be baaaaaaaack. Sorry, kitteh. You’re going to have to ask Dad.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

SYTYCD starts TOMORROW.

And I’m sure I’ll have plenty to post about once the frau wars pick up steam during the tour. And all those post-Idol interviews to giggle about…

jukejoint

Pasha! We will be together again tomorrow!

I do really hate Nigel, though. And I kind of hate Mia Michaels, too. She’s gonna be bitching about whoever dances with the “stars” she doesn’t like, and they don’t have any ballroom judges now, so whoever dances with Pasha and Anya is probably dead in the water. But at least they didn’t bring back the odious Lacey Schwimmer as a “star.”

I see stormy waters ahead for me and SYTYCD.
jukejoint

I actually booed Nigel. Really loud. When his face came on the screen at the SYTYCD tour.

And I met Jaime and Sara and the blonde chick whose name I don’t remember and the horrid Lauren. We were at the Mall of America shopping before our concert and so were most of the girls on the tour that year. Later that same day, my niece was in love with Pasha so we stalked the buses at the arena and she got her picture with him and we saw the adorable Jesus and DANNY TIDWELL, too.

The next time I went to the tour in Milwaukee, and half the dancers (Courtney, Kherington, I don’t remember who else) were checking out of the hotel when I was in line to check in. The tour sucked that year, though.

So, you know, my SYTYCD stalking activities are much worse than anything I ever did for Idol.
songkat7

I’ve never watched SYTYCD, may do so this year, so I’m glad you’ll be here. And of course, I’m looking forward to the post-Idol fun we have in store for us.

Mithra

This would be the season to start watching as that screaming moron has been demoted off the judges panel. I never watched BECAUSE of her. I saw her on the first Idol Gives Back screaming to donate, like one ear piercing screech that went on and on… and changed the channel like MANY people reported they did as well. Brilliant move Idol… I also got a bit of it when I was at a friend’s house and they had a marathon of shows on MTV in the background. If that bitch is on less and has her fat mouth duct taped, I may start watching and not just catching a clip every once in a while at Rickey’s.

Blue Eyes

The season was so boring, I doubt there will be any frau wars.
et

Oh, yes, we’re going to have fun with poor Lee and his talk show visits and interviews and all that.

And I do like SYTYCD but there’s plenty to make fun of so yay that you’re recapping that.

Because TI, I have become addicted to your blog, so you aren’t getting rid of me so easily

Legend

“Kris Allen, the only thing worse than sticking baby in the corner is sticking you next to Jordin Sparks.”

OMGoodness, TI! This had me laughing uncontrollably. Its exactly what I was thinking!

jukejoint

I knooooow. I saw tiny Kris, huge Jordin, tiny Carrie and huge Ruben (in that order) and I thought, why not put Jordin in the middle next to Ruben, and let Carrie be next to Kris? Or stick Jordin way down on the other end by Taylor and leave the small people on one side?

I just looked at the picture again and I see what they did. 8-6-4-2-1-3-5 If Cook had been there, he would’ve been down on the end next to Taylor on the odds side. But it’s a really stupid way to do it if you ask me. Maybe that’s why Cook didn’t show. He didn’t want to be stranded on the end next to Taylor. Put me in the middle like the headliner or I don’t show, baby! (Just kidding. Really. I don’t think Cook would ever pull a diva fit. Maybe he didn’t want to be on the same stage as KimberMee though.)

anasazisibes

NOT a fantard, but Cook was at a charity event in KC for kids with cancer. Better excuse than vocal rest.

Blue Eyes

I was laughing at that too! Poor Kris looked like a tiny baby next to her. LOL!

deez

We’re Not Worthy! We’re Not Worthy!

You’ve outdone yourself tonight TI with this most awesomest of recaps!!!!

Crystal was doing the introduction of Cocker, whose role may or may not be performed tonight by Sir Anthony Hopkins.

OMG!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA DEAD RINGER!!!!

Janet Jackson is dressed like how one imagines Rhianna’s mother must dress if she was borne into the House Atreides.

BEST LINE of 2010!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!

THE KITTY CATS ARE STILL ALIVE BUT NOW THEY ARE IN HEAT. NOOOOOO. THE POOR LITTLE KITTY CAT IN HEAT. SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING. WHY ARE YOU LETTING THAT KITTY CAT BE VIOLATED BY ALL THOSE OTHER CATS. STOP THE SCREAMING. IF YOU LEAVE THIS STAGE NOW, I PROMISE I WILL BE A NICE PERSON.

Jesus Frakking Christ. I set the world record for sustained cringe during this performance. My ears need a root canal.

The wardrobe department cut the budget this year, which explains why Paige Miles and Katie Stevens were stuffed into two of Adam Lambert’s jock straps.

Very, VERY apt description, don’t they have the right of refusal over wardrobe choices? Hoo-boy.

There was only a 2% difference between winner and loser this year. Seacrest obviously deferred to the percentage, seeing as the total vote tallies are likely fairly pathetic compared to past seasons.

Yep. This is the first time I can remember that totals weren’t smugly announced.

Other points:

Casey Rocked
Kris & KAB looked gorgeous, and sounded better on second listen.
Dane Cook ….ugh.
Crystal, YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
Ricky Gervais would be a good judge, lol

He’s also better than Lee.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Deez, however did you know that’s my favorite extra on The Office DVD??

And pssst. You abbreviated Kris Allen Band. Tsk tsk.

deez

Whoops, my bad, let one slip thru…. you have NO IDEA how many times I’ve caught myself!

Lamberkitten

Rickey Gervais was at the American Idol finale? Paula and the Simon love-fest aside, there’s my reason for tuning in tonight.

sodagrape

With a Little Help from the Frauen – by Lee DeWyze

What would you do
If I sang out of tune
Pick up the phone
And vote for me?

Lend me your ears
And I’ll grunt you a song
And it will be in the key of Lee

I get by with a little help from the frauen
I cry with a little help from the frauen
My career will die with a little help from the frauen…

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

BEST SONG EVER. Thank you, Sodagrape
Lamberkitten

LOL! “And I’ll grunt you a song”. LOL!
STLCin

What AWESOMENESS befitting a truly incredible recap! Kudos to you both!

blacklisted

Thanks for the recap. I guess I didn’t miss anything. I checked out Cale’s haircut and Andrew’s sexy self. I’ll have to actually listen to the performance tomorrow along with Christina Aguilera’s. At least that girl can sing.
http://8sourcandy.wordpress.com/ 8sourcandy

Great recap TI, “tongue bath & circle jerk ” was my favorite part and Tim Urban giving an “air” blow job was a great screen cap!
anklitas

Kris-Adam duet >>>>>> Lee-Crystal. The latter pair couldn’t harmonize at all, maybe it’s Lee’s fault. Dude can’t sing in tune at all.

Love Ricky Gervais! Who can’t forget Seona Dancing? Sooo pretty.

“Oh, and Kris’s tweet to him cracked me up: “Congrats Lee! Have fun.” So much said in just two words.” – Hah, I was laughing at his tweet, too. Good luck, Lee. You deserve it.

summersnow

The ruined Falling Slowly duet has already proven that Lee can’t harmonize at all. Heck he can’t even sing in tune.

Pandora

Maybe he can’t hear either.

lostbrigade

My favorite moments of the night in no particular order (since it’s not like I cared strongly or anything) were Bret and Casey’s duet (Bret looked really happy to be there, so it was sweet) and the Idol winners song (which was cheesy but the good kind of cheesy I like from this show). Kris’s performance was good but seemed rushed from start to end, probably partly due to them performing the radio edit version I’m not used to.

I thought the exact same thing about the cars. I bet they just threw together some tacky ass designs and were horrified when they found out those are the cars they’re getting. Maybe that’s why neither seemed too enthused about the gifts.

Crystal deserved the win more, but I can’t work up any righteous anger at this point, since I like her but I don’t love her, and I don’t think she’d benefit more from winning than she will as a runner-up.

Lee has three modes: slack-jawed apathy, nauseousness, and crying. Seriously, those are the only emotions he can express at all. My hope is that either he sells fewer albums than Kris and takes that “title” away from him, or else he sells more than Adam and the Glamberts have a new punching bag. I’d bet my money on the former.

Oh, and Kris’s tweet to him cracked me up: “Congrats Lee! Have fun.” So much said in just two words.

lostbrigade

Oh, I’d also like to add that Paula looked great, and at first I was like, “Wow, being away from Idol did her a world of good! She actually sounds coherent and sane!” But the more she talked, the more the illusion unraveled, and it was the good old crazy-ass Paula we’ve come to know and love over the years.
Destry

To me, Lee always looks like he’s just come home from the dentist, loaded on novicaine, and numb in the face.

et

He does always seem to only have half a smile, like the other half of his mug is frozen.

lostbrigade

I noticed in the very first shot with Seacrest between him and Crystal, Crystal was smiling and looked excited and Lee had this really blank look on his face as he stared into the camera, and then it was like he forced himself to try and smile.

Mithra

I think with Lee, is that he’s a stoner, but the kind that really shouldn’t smoke when he has to be in public because he gets weirded out. Unlike Casey, who’s just chill, or Castro, who’s just retarded.
Blue Eyes

I agree, Lee looked stoned or was on something to calm his nerves, maybe. He looked catatonic to me.

loveyourground

Funny…I made the comment that the Lee/Chicago duet is what I’d expect to hear on the radio while I’m in the dentist’s chair getting a root canal or something, ha.

summersnow

I can’t stand that smirk on his face. Makes me wanna slap a bitch.

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