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Twaining Day: AI 9 Top 6 Shania Night Recap

2010 April 27
tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
by TopIdol

At least once every American Idol season, disaster strikes…well, at least one that effects me. My DVR always shits the bed and I discover this upon arriving home after the show is finished. And then I have to scurry around the internet trying to piece together chunks (Thanks, Rickey!) or find a live stream. But the magic is lost and it is never as enjoyable as me sprawled on my sofa in front of the TV, Oskar roaming around, camera beside me, Macbook on my lap…

Alas. Shit happens. And sadly, tonight’s pimp spot goes to this season’s resident screecher, Siobhan Magnus. But I guess if you’re doing a night where Shania Twain provides the songbook & mentoring duties, its going to have to be when there’s only six contestants left, as you might only be able to name six Shania Twain songs if asked. Although I will admit a couple of things — I totally owned The Woman In Me and I watched the Biography on Shania Twain a couple of years back and after those two hours, I had a new found respect and admiration for the determined Canadian gal who got to where she is by actually working very, very, very hard and supporting her siblings along the way.

Shania is gorgeous. Still is. So it pains me that she appears to be trying for a Jackie Collins sort of look. And hey, I love Jackie and worship her sister Joan Collins, but you know, Shania…I thought the ridiculous crushed velvet and sequins were left firmly where they belong in 1998.

Lee DeWyze
Still The One

Lee gets an automatic 50-point deduction for choosing Twain’s worst song. Still The One is the staple of every horrible wedding you’ve ever been to. It’s the staple first dance of anyone who gets married and lacks a personality or soul. It’s a grating song, so its not like soulless people getting married ruined it, a la Etta James’ At Last, but Still The One screams David’s Bridal bridesmaid gowns awash in pukey soulless-lavender pathos as their wearers get teary eyed because not only are their dresses and updos too tight, but their friend is getting married and they are not. So they toss back yet another white zinfindel in that nondescript function hall somewhere off Highway K in St. Charles, MO.

If you’re still reading and I haven’t offended you because I described your wedding reception, let’s check out the rest. Lee DeWyze is David Cook lite with an odd, Danny Gokey twist. Perhaps its the looks or the register? While Lee entertains me every week because he always looks miserable and as if he is about to blow chunks, there has been nary a shred of evidence leading one to believe this guy could be a huge star. Lee’s performances are nearly always pitchy. When he goes for that gutteral sound, it almost seems a bit forced, and he tends to spin out of control into goat vibrato territory before recovering. It’s not terrible, as in some ways, its an improvement over a horrible song, but does it reach out and grab you?

David Cook may not be much different from any generic pop-rock singer out there, only time will tell. But its odd when I listen to Lee and think to myself, what would this sound like if David Cook sang it? Randy kicks things off by telling Lee Still The One is one of his all-time favorite songs. Why oh why does this not surprise me? In Randy’s world, an obscure artist is Lisa Lisa (and the Cult Jam). Randy also gets to say pitchy, and then tell Lee that he made it his own. Ellen digs him and tells him he couldn’t look cuter because this just enhances her friendly-lesbian cred across the U. S. of A. Kara DioGuardi tries to create a moment for herself by referencing just how far we’ve come, and once again, Simon simply dials it him by offering him any opinion of real substance.

Michael Lynche
It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing

Big Mike is a technically-gifted performer, so its difficult not to just wish he would do something genius. But he’s also a bit of a cheeseball, a friendly chap, no doubt, but somewhat hammy and given his Idol performances, a bit lackluster when it comes to displaying any definitive sign of originality. Shania sort of tells him the same thing, but…in her nice little Shania way, of course.

I’m not familiar with the song, but it fits Big Mike quite well. It fits nicely with his R&B tendencies, and I don’t totally hate it. But there’s just always something missing? And that something missing cannot be cured by a nearly spot-on falsetto. (Yo. Who is Shania’s blond friend?) Randy, naturally, because he likes putting people in boxes, thinks Lynche has found his vibe or something. Big Mike reminds Ellen of Luther Vandross, causing me to wonder whether or not anyone ever tells a white guy he reminds them of Luther Vandross…of course, I was thinking he was a big Vandrosstic during his performance. Kara utters out some scripted shit about Shania connecting with the music, still trying for her moment. Simon thinks he was wet. And girlish or something. Simon associates wet with girly. I could go there, but…

Shania cried a little big when Big Mike sang. It is interesting to note Lynche’s vocals seem to have garnered enthusiasm from several of this year’s mentors, including Twain and Adam Lambert.

Casey James
Don’t

Another song I’m not quite familiar with, but Casey admits he didn’t show anyone anything new last week. I don’t know if this is different per se, and it gets a little goat-like here and there, but it may be the most distinct and genuinely moving performance thus far. I feels a bit heartfelt, in fact. It was…good! Give Casey James more songs about breakups. And then release some of that body from his flaxen locks o’ Texas.

Randy says he has something new in his wheelhouse. Randy got that word from his word-of-the-day desktop calendar last fall. Randy thinks it was his best performance so far.

Artists don’t hide the good, the bad, the ugly. They show it all.

Kara. Shut up. Quit trying to make fetch happen! Jesus christ, can you imagine spending an evening in a contained space with Tyra Banks and Kara DioGuardi? That just crossed my mind for whatever reason, anyway…Simon agrees with Randy about it being Casey’s best performance. He even tells Casey to go down and kiss Shania. That’s my boy, Simon. Turn the knife a little deeper in the back of the bitch sitting next to you. PAULA SITS THERE DAMMIT.

Crystal Bowersox
No One Needs To Know

Crystal has been a fan of Shania since childhood, which is really not shocking, given Shania’s astounding success and songwriting/guitar-strumming prowess. Obviously, Crystal had Shania sign her guitar, most likely with one of those XXXXXXXL Sharpies over Miley Cyrus’ signature. Its safe to assume Crystal has a very diverse musical taste, given that she’s an actual musician. Of course, only two of the remaining contestants have not played instruments on the show, so I guess the others might be kind of musician-like, too.

Crystal is wearing a mini-dress, which leads me to believe Idol is trying to sex Crystal up. Seacrest is kind of douchey and references Shania’s big shiny white teeth to Crystal when she speaks highly about her glowing aura. I would like to believe Seacrest is a douche, but I think he just might say things without thinking. We also learn Crystal has a boyfriend she wants to man-up and give her a ring one day. Oh honey, as long as you don’t wear David’s Bridal.

Shania is big on getting the contestants to think about how the song applies to their lives. This makes me like Shania a little bit more, as this is the single most important element in any sort of performance.

Crystal’s take one of Shania’s fluffiest of hits is cutesy in its own little Crystal Bowersox way. Flanked by four musicians, she also benefits from not having the atrocious backup singers. The judges think she’s good, but…its not their favorite performance. Crystal talks over Kara, which I would typically advocate, but it kind of rubs me kind of the wrong way because she describes her other performances as being big and that this one was not. Bigger isn’t always bigger. Sure, I wholeheartedly agree with her, but you know…hell, I don’t know. Are they tearing her down a bit to “shake up” the competition? Simon says she has a lack of conviction this week and talks about a coffee shop. Yeah. I think that’s what they’re trying to do, make Crystal seem semi-vulnerable. Yawn. Damn. My lack of Tivo made it impossible for me to get a decent shot of her boyfriend’s t-shirt which may be one of the most subtly witty and endearing calls to action I have ever witnessed in the Idol studio audience.

Aaron Kelly
It’s In The Way

The longer Aaron survives in the competition, the more everyone hates him. This makes me feel bad for Aaron for whatever reason, because no matter how trite his song choices may be, or how amusing it his to watch him circle the microphone around his mouth while singing, I still can’t hate on this kid. It would be like kicking a defenseless puppy dog. Aaron delivers a decent vocal on a very-Aaron song. He is adept at phrasing and all that good stuff.

Randy says wheelhouse again. That desktop calendar is really expanding his horizons. Ellen talks about how its going to be really hard this week, you know, to send anyone home. Because everyone assumes Aaron will be going home, and hey, sixth place wouldn’t be a bad finish for the now-17-year-old kid. He also changed the words in the song so they wouldn’t say make love because he was dedicating it to his mom. AWWWWWW…The judges universally praise him, as to lull his fans into a false sense of security so we all wave him adieu tomorrow evening.

Siobhan Magnus
Any Man of Mine

Taking one of Shania’s biggest hits, Siobhan starts off decent, granted she’s wearing a shredded up Laura Ashley bedspread, it kind of works. Towards the middle, however, after she did some lap around the audience, Siobhan basically drives off a cliff. The arrangement is terrible and she starts going in and out of pitch. Oh. And the last 20 seconds were pure screeching. At one point, she sounded exactly like Adam Lambert, and I likely noticed this because I was typing in another window. What the hell, Siobhan? That could have been an almost-enjoyable song and then you had to screech in a song which was never meant for such vocal theatrics, regardless of how you arrange it. What was the point? Because you could? And then when she recovers, still looking like a crazed medieval beast who just pillaged your serfdom and feasted on your babies, she launches into yet MORE vocal gymnastics. I half expect her head to spin around as she spews projectile green vomit upon the backup singers, the judges and Seacrest.

Randy thinks its awesome. Because Randy would think such a cacophony of village ravaging is as awesome as Journey, Gladys Knight and Mariah all rolled up into one. Especially because she’s dressed all punk-country.

Way to pull the Shania Twain into the station.

Ellen, that was stupid. But I kind of smiled. I have no idea why, but I did.

GUESS WHO’S BACK???

Kara, why can’t the spirits from the Indian burial ground underneath your house trap you in the static of my TV forever?

Oh, Siobhan, I am trying so damn hard to like you. I want to, I really, really do. Can’t you just stop screeching? Hey, at least Simon mentioned it. Someone needed to, because really, sweetheart. It was that bad.

Bottom 3? Might be tough this week, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say:

Lee DeWyze
Michael Lynche
Aaron Kelly

Going home? Aaron or Big Mike. Neither one of them were bad, but only 6 contestants remain. Of course, Casey James’ wavy hair could signal the end of days for him, too — keeping up with the tradition of Idol’s resident long-haired skeeve Constantine Maroulis. Hey, I said he should have laid off on scrunching his natural curls.

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from → American Idol

  • Burgundy LaRue

    I thought Michael and Casey were good. Aaron gave it his best. Lee was muddling it up as usual. Crystal wasn’t totally on. And Siobhan–bless her heart, she’s so confused right now. She doesn’t know right from left at the moment. Siobhan deserves to go, but Aaron or Michael are looking prime for the boot.

    The judges sort of did that faux-praising bit with Crystal like they did with Melinda a couple of times before she was bounced out in the Top 3. It just feels that Crystal’s heading for a ‘surprise’ exit in a couple of weeks.

    Then again, most everyone think that in this soft year, Crystal has enough in the tank to beat anyone. I’m not so sure, but we’ll see.

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      I didn’t watch Season 6, but didn’t Melinda have more talent than everyone else combined?

      • Nich

        Melinda was amazing. She could sing just about anything and actually sing it well. She really should have been in the final 2.

      • Burgundy LaRue

        Oh, yeah. If going by pure vocal talent, Melinda may arguably have been the best contestant to ever be on the show. I imagine her as what Jennifer Hudson would have done on Idol had she had more control of her voice during Season 3.

        But she wasn’t commercially viable at all. Average looks, dressed frumpy, nearly 30 years old, and a pure R&B singer. There was nowhere for her to go in terms of pop or even HAC radio. She would have never worked as the Idol champion. Melinda would have been the female version of Taylor Hicks.

        • wino

          very true. despite her pure, lovely voice, Melinda was a true back up singer. she just didnt pop on stage or have the appearance of a solo artist. sometimes it works to your advantage to be terribly dorky and/or frumpy and experience a make over (ala clay) but poor melinda was stuck being average. on a show like this, you either need to be visually enticing or interesting, in addition singing well.

      • Mithra

        Melinda’s CD is really amazing. This is on of my favorite tracks:

      • sybiltrelawney

        Melinda has so much talent I actually forked over hard earned U.S. dollars to listen to her perform at Feinstein’s in NYC a few months ago. She may be the best vocalist ever to come out of Idol. Incredible voice, magnificent phrasing, sweet personality. Unfortunately, she did not look like the producers’ vision on an American Idol — in fact, she’s short and a little pudgy and doesn’t have much of a neck.

        And so, after a while the judges began to do the old “ho-hum another solid Melinda performance, you’re always great, but it wasn’t my favorite….” Only Simon stayed on her train til the end. The difference is, in season 6 the producers had what looked like a marketable alternative: Jordin Sparks, cute, bubbly teen with a decent enough voice, Disney tie-ins, etc. This year, what is the producers’ more marketable alternative to Crystal: Lee? With his grunty, half-note flat performances? Simon said that Siobhan sounded like she was in the middle of childbirth, but to me Lee was the one who sounded like he had just been told to push. Can’t wait to buy his grunting-through-Hinder album. Not.

      • et

        Melinda is *exquisite*

      • jukejoint

        I agree with Sybil — Melinda was never the *only* one who stood out and the judges never considered her head and shoulders above everyone else. She was awesome, but there were people who loooooved LaKisha, who had some very good moments, too, plus they pimped Jordin BEYOND BELIEF. Early on, they also pimped Chris Richardson, who was never very good. (“Nasally is a form of singing.”) All of the Ford commercials, usually a good indicator of who they’re pushing, had Jordin and Chris front and center. But they also kept playing up some Melinda vs. LaKisha Battle of Divas which I don’t think anybody but the show bought into. Then they tanked LaKisha when they decided they wanted to be rid of her by giving her an unflattering “I’m not listening to the mentors” edit.

        Plus Blake was the one who really stole the spotlight with “You Give Love a Bad Name.” I didn’t like Blake much and I can’t stand beat-boxing, but he got a lot of favorable buzz for that one.

        Don’t forget that that was also The Season of Sanjaya.

        So, no, I don’t think Melinda was a Crystal. She was more of an Elliott, the one with the good voice and unassuming personality who seemed much beloved by the judges until it was time to clear the decks and bring the chosen one(s) in for a landing on the finale.

        The one who seemed to be a frontrunner all season without much competition was Carrie, although Bo was HUGELY better than any of Crystal’s supporting players.

        • Burgundy LaRue

          I liked LaKisha a lot that year. She was a tough-cookie of a sweetheart and had the coolest grandma to ever be on the show (“Grany always rides shotgun!”). But they gave her that stupid ‘not listening’ edit, which so wasn’t true. Often, you would see her with a notebook at the mentor sessions, jotting down advice she was given. But

          Chris Richardson should have gone for the country route–he would have fared much better that way. The couple of times he sounded decent is when he sang with a twang. He could have been marketable as a one-man Big & Rich. But he stuck with the R&B/pop mode which caused a lot of people to call him Justin TimberFake, which is true.

          That was a weird season because outside of Jordin, no one was truly commercial. And even she had problems on that end. LaKisha might have worked as an Urban AC singer a la Angie Stone, but everyone else was too niche-y. Kinda like this year.

      • dresden

        yes, yes to the 10th power. s6 was when i slowly started to realize idol is not and was not a real singing competition, when a singer of her caliber couldn’t win the show. all that bs about her being unmarketable fell flat to me. kat mcphee had the looks according to this theory, has proved to be unmarketable, as were bo bice, blake lewis, brooke white, kristy lee cook and a host of other folks the labels just seemed to want to take a quick shot at after their runs ended. i liked jordin, never understood what anyone saw in blake lewis as a viable recording artist, neither held a candle to melinda, and both are now struggling big time to find a niche and an audience for their music. i think if they had tried, 19m could have had sold melinda and produced a hi quality release that would have found an audience. she had more goodwill and interest i think than jordin did, but hey – water under the bridge now, another wasted opportunity by tptb.

        • margie

          I didn’t watch Melinda’s season but she sounds great.

  • w.dark

    I hate that I know this – but I think Casey was wearing Constantine’s wardrobe from Top 6 elimination night. Same fluffy, curly hair. Same white shirt snad faded jeans. Hopefully the same voting outcome. :D

    Also, Shania Twain night should have been a complete trainwreck with this group. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so — it was still a snoozefest. This has to be the most boring season ever.

    • w.dark

      snad? WTF was that?

      AND

  • Nich

    Throughout Lee’s performance I kept thinking that David Cook could have done this 10x better(probably would have done it if S7 had Shania Week) and then I started wishing I was watching David Cook do it. I understood where he was going with it but he never got there.

    Aaron Kelly put me to sleep this week. So boring.

    • et

      I understood where he was going with it but he never got there.

      That’s how I felt about it, thanks for saying it better than I did. Ha! I could see why that *could* have worked but… just didn’t.

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      Maybe Cook would have done to Shania what he did to Mariah. Always Be My Baby should be released as a single. Still love it. And I LOATHE the original.

      • dresden

        hahaha, we’re opposites ti. mariah’s was, is and shall remain boss. cook’s…. nice karaoke cover, not in the same league for me. he’s a nice guy, but there’s something in his vocal tone that just doesn’t move me. an atonal quality that works on some tunes, not so much for me on this song.

      • Nich

        I wish they had kept the string section from the live version and used it in the ITunes recorded version.

  • jukejoint

    I actually watched the shows and… I loved Crystal’s performance. It reminded me of those folky-country girls in the 70s with their peasant dresses and their long, untidy hair… Nicolette Larson, for one. (RIP Nicolette, gone too soon.) There was this two-cats-in-the-yard-life-used-to-be-so-hard feel to it. (Note to TI: I loved Bonnie Raitt in the early days of her career when she kind of straddled this country/folk/blues line that got her into trouble with record reviewers who would be all, you’re outside your niche! Pick a niche, damn it! But she had pure country like Louise or John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery and pop like Two Lives and then some folk/pop/alt that would break your heart like Jackson Browne’s My Opening Farewell, and I just loved her up one side and down the other. Crystal’s voice is very different — none of the “raw urgency” that was a running joke between me and my husband about why I loved Bonnie Raitt so much — but there’s something there that is reminding me of Bonnie, nonetheless.)

    So, for me:

    1. Crystal. She hasn’t been the be-all and end-all for me before, but I kinda loved this week’s performance. A
    2. Casey. Good enough for #2 in a lackluster week. B+
    3. Big Mike. He sounded fine and I don’t get why Ruben Part Deux is not what they want when they pimped the first one SO hard. Things change, I guess. A future in Ain’t Misbehavin’ on the road awaits Big Mike. B
    —-BIG GAP—-
    4. Lee. Eh. Pitchy, dawg. A lame attempt to be David Cook doing “Always Be My Baby” fell flat. Literally. D+
    5. Aaron. He was also pitchy and I’m sorry, I just can’t handle the fug teens being overly sincere and way too presh. If there was a “wet” performance last night, this was the one. D
    6. Siobhan. HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE. Screechy, insincere, pretentious, self-indulgent, bratty, unpleasant, unlistenable-to. HAAAAAAAAAAATE. F

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      Why the hell did Siobhan do the lap around the audience? I didn’t get it.

      • jukejoint

        Because she felt like it and she has no internal censor and it was all “Look at meeeee!” which is her #1 priority.

        HAAAAAAAAAATE.

        • deez

          HAAAAAAAAAATE.

          Me too, Jukejoint. Sick of Siobhan. She’s not interesting anymore, if she ever was. Her look has gone from nerd-cool to contrived bullshit, and who is telling her to screech at the end of every song? Is it her idea to capitalize on the “Adam didn’t win and now it’s all about him” backlash that the show has going on, or is she ignoring advice? Whichever is the case, everytime I look at her I want to a punt a kitten.

          • deez

            ^^actually “punch” a kitten…punt could work though.

          • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

            Better visual.

          • Pandora

            No, not a poor little kitten! How about punting/punching a squirrel? A chipmunk? A ferret?

          • Nich

            She used to be quirky with her song choices and her wardrobe but now she’s only quirky with her clothes. Her song choices are for the most part as bad and boring as Big Mike. And no, her rambling 20 minute long answers to the judges don’t count as quirky to me. Just irritating. She was awful last night. That song has a lot of attitude and power behind it and she sounded like she was singing it at a beauty pageant.

          • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

            There is one song Siobhan NEEDS to sing. If she does, I might vote for her. Because it would work perfectly with her voice…until she would screech, of course.

          • auntieaimee

            She certainly has the hair for it.

    • dresden

      bingo – the nicolette larson reference for me does fit. i’d throw in a few shades of bonnie bramlett too. she is definitely a throwback to that era of the female folk/rock singer. i was and am still partial to janis ian, but i think crystal lacks her subtlety.

  • http://princessleia04.livejournal.com SarahBeth

    Ugh. Could last night have been any more boring? Although TI, I do agree with you that I’d love to hear what David Cook would have done with Lee’s song. I think people are getting real tired of Idol this season because my normally busy and snarky twitter feed last night was pretty quiet during the show. Which doesn’t happen often.

    Sibohan needs to GTFO my tv. Although she’ll probably make it to top 3, which means we’ll have to endure a hometown visit (which means the TV stations in Boston are going to be all over that shit). I’m actually pretty pissed that Simon didn’t call her performance last night (which was a hot fucking mess at BEST) indulgent. That’s what it was.

    I’d love to see her in the B3 along w/Aaron and Big Mike.

    • margie

      I liked Casey last night. Lee overpimped as usual. Fell asleep through the others .

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      I actually thought about that last night. I’ve never been to an Idol hometown visit! This might require a field trip to witness the hilarity.

  • et

    I didn’t end up missing the show but I should’ve missed it and just read TI’s recaps :) . I love ‘em.

    Lee, Lee, Lee. While I think he could’ve made the cougars swoon-y with that song, he just flat out didn’t sing it well. He sounded constipated and he really *can’t* hold onto the pitch to save his life. I still don’t think he’s very cute, either. But again, he’s short so… it blinds me. Pretty eyes, though.

    Big Mike really does have a very nice voice… but I don’t like watching him perform. He does sound pretty Luther Vandross-y, or Reuben-y. I think he’s out of time, though. I’m ok with either Mike or Aaron going at this point.

    I liked Casey. It wasn’t his *BESTPERFORMANCEEVER* like you hear from the judges but it was good. He does well looking all serious and pretty and stuff. I actually like his voice and I think he’d do well with a sort of country/rock vibe (Keith Urban-y, as someone else said) but he’s got to keep that bleating under control. As soon as the goat vibrato comes out I cringe. I don’t know if he has the fanbase to survive if people were worried about Lee, I suspect they split the cougar fans :)

    I give Crystal props for doing something a little different, and country-fied. It was good, but was a little meh for me. Just didn’t really go anywhere. And she should please not talk to the judges so much, Brooke did that and it made me want to tape her mouth shut. I still love you, Mamasox, just… shh!

    Aaron is too cute to beat up on but he can go home now. He’s got a nice voice but there’s just nothing exciting about the guy. Puppy boy.

    OK, it’s official, I just do NOT like Siobhan. I didn’t like that, at all, and I hate the scream tacked on the end just because. It isn’t even a *pleasant* scream, it makes my cat scared.

    That just was not very exciting. I mean, there were no real trainwrecks (the only one I just did not like was Siobhan, everyone else was varying levels of eh to good) but it was a big ball of meh. We’re at top 6 now, peeps! Do something exciting!

  • Mary

    Soibhan needs to get off my TV. I can’t believe I was rooting for this girl. She was so karaoke, even Shania was like WTF!

    • Mary

      TI you are totally right about Aaron. If you diss him, its like kicking a puppy. I felt the exact same thing about Archuleta in S7.

      I thought he was the best tonight, and I awweedd when he said it was dedicated to his mom.

      I actually thought the worst performance tonight was from Crystal and Lee. I HATE when the judges tell Crystal “not your best performance but I still love you and your awesome” or whatever shit they say. Just say IT SUCKED LIKE SHIT!!

    • Mary

      I just noticed someone posted the Kris and Allison thingy on the other thread lol, I am so behind on info!!

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      I’m deleting the top part of that since it’s already known and being discussed in another thread. I will also be mentioning it in my Idol Quickies post if I ever get a chance to do so while at work today. Thanks.

  • Verbally Dyslexic

    I just watched the episode.

    Lee – what was that crappy arrangement? He was melodically lost and just resorted to shouting the song in the end. The overpraising by the judges made me want to throw a shoe at my tv! Were they listening to a different audio feed from the rest of us or something?

    Big Mike – Ruben 2.0

    Casey – he was good, but the goat-vibrato has got to go.

    Crystal – I’m really meh about her now. She is the best among the pack, but her musical stylings bore me.

    Aaron – He is the vocal equivalent of Kenny G.

    Siobhan – If you want to break someone’s spirit or turn them into soulless killing machines, force them to watch her live performances non-stop for a week. Her quirkiness is limited to her fashion sense, and she has zero sense of music arrangement, or musicality.

    Shania, you’re a beautiful woman, but the lion king hairdo is no good.

    But Kara probably took one look at Shania, then went home and cried herself to sleep because she’ll never be half as beautiful even with the lion king hair handicap and never have a successful singing career like Shania’s.

    • Dickory Dock

      Ha! Shania’s hair was sort of a mess, wasn’t it? Very I-just-got-this-damned-perm-and-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-it.

      The goat vibrato sorta bugs me, to be honest. BUT!! I’ll take a little Goaty Warble in the voice over the UNNNNGH Grung Holler any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

      God, how sad is this season? It’s like Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich all over again.

  • Dickory Dock

    I sort of didn’t hate last night’s show as much as I thought I would. It was pretty ballad heavy, but then what else were the dudes going to pick from her songbook? Most of her upbeat stuff is all faux! female! empowerment! so there really wasn’t much of a choice but to go all ballad-y on our asses.

    Lee – Sweet Jesus, every damn one of his songs sounds like a funeral dirge as sung by a tone deaf sufferer of chronic constipation. Pitchy, grunty, strained. Do you know why his studio recordings sound so much better? BECAUSE THEY EDIT THAT SHIT OUT. And yet the judges cannot get their heads far enough up his backside.

    Mike – Yeah, he has a decent voice. I agree with Kate123. He bores and enrages me, too. And he comes off an arrogant git.

    Casey – Forgive me, but I’ve developed sort of a soft spot for Casey. I get the impression that he’s not been coasting on his looks, but rather that he’s just happy and still surprised to be there. He hasn’t been competing because he’s all, “Wow. I can’t believe I’m here and get to play in front of millions of people. Sweet, dude.” I also don’t think his rock performances are contrived, it’s just that he isn’t BROODY and his hair is so … fluffy.

    And yes, shoot me if you must, but I do like Keith Urban (in spite of his being married to a woman with a plastic face), and Casey could do a similar style of music. Sort of country-blues-rock.

    Crystal – She went old school country. At first I thought it was meh, but on second viewing, it was pretty good. Had sort of a Hank Sr. vibe to it, with a slight yodel in her voice at times. Not her best, but still good. And come on, boyfriend! Make her MRS. MamaSox already.

    Aaron – Oh, poor lad. He was pitchy but he is so damned EARNEST it’s hard to knock him. He does, however, look like a very tiny 47 year-old lesbian. It was his best by a mile, but still not OMFG Awesome.

    Siobhan – Oh, please girlfriend. Really? That was painful. And the judges, well they virtually said “I like it. It’s got that it’s-a-cruel-world-let’s-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience” which … yeah.

    I hope Mike or Lee go this week. Please, TV gods, how about it?

    • auntieaimee

      Did you notice that Casey made eyes at the camera a few times? I think he may lurk here. :) Anyway, it worked, ’cause my mom said, “He is kind of a good looking guy, isn’t he?” Heh!

      • Pandora

        Hi, Casey! *Waving*

      • et

        LOL, Hi, Casey! My mom loves you :)

      • Dickory Dock

        It’s funny. None of the Idols this year know how to make sweet, sweet lurve to the camera. David Cook was good at it. Adam did it, but it was more of a dark-back-alley schtupping. Kris did it, but it was more of a flirt than a promise. (I will not discuss the greasy one from season 4 since that was more like being brutalized.)

        But yeah, Casey was better in this respect last night.

        And is it really only “cougars” who like him? I suppose all the tweens like their boys short, hairless and with a non-threatening worm of a petseleh; like wee baby moles. Or the Imp of Hades.

  • auntieaimee

    I think Lee might be tone deaf. He started out way off key, recovered a bit and then went off key a few more times. He was just terrible, and the tone of his voice is just not pleasant. His rasp sounds really forced and his upper register is nasally and sharp. I’m not getting the love for this guy at all. If I heard him in a bar, I would leave.

    I thought, vocally, Mike was the best. But he’s got an ego and people don’t like that (a singer with a big ego, imagine that? That, like, NEVER happens), so it may be the end of the line.

    • dresden

      i think you may be right about lee being somewhat tone deaf. i haven’t heard a performance from him yet that stayed consistently on point pitch wise. don’t know why they are going overboard praising him, when it’s obvious to even the most untrained ear that he has some fundamental problems that need some work correcting before i’d consent to spend a dime on anything he recorded.

      mike sang well, has a tone that is smooth and pleasing, but for some reason is coming across arrogant [boggles the mind], and thus looks vulnerable in the popularity contest idol really is. it’s a shame that this show is such a transparent popularity contest, because based on a singing contest, he’s be in the hunt every week.

      aaron had what i think was his best performance. country def is his bag, and i think it would serve him to just stick to songs in that vein, or let more of that side come through, instead of whipping back and forth trying to please these schizo judges.

      casey is taking baby steps to get out of the rut, and the shell he’s in performance wise. this guy to me – if he were a little looser, more willing to use the stage, has the right ingredients to be a contender for the finale. his voice is more than servicable, killer guitar skills, possesses that blond/blue eyed tom petty/surfer boy/gregg allman-esque look that still markets well. i really want to see him give a say ‘damn the torpedos’ performance just once this season. it could change everything.

      siobhan… i want to like her. she has a great voice, but just doesn’t know how to control it, when to restrain it, when to let it rip for maximum effect. i thought she was behind the beat in the first few bars, and it just threw the rest of her performance off for me. when she went for her trademark scream, i had just lost interest in the whole song. one thing though – it was pretty lively, and a needed uptempo number in another sea of boringness that are these song choices.

      not crystals best night for me – song choice nor performance. something was just disjointed about the whole arrangement, but compared with the other contestants, she still stands out from them overall. i like her singing style, just not sure she’d be someone i’d purchase a full cd from.

      • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

        There is an edit option up to 10 minutes after you post your comment. I go in and fix them when I can, but there IS an edit option so I would love it if people didn’t keep asking for an edit button. Thanks.

        • dresden

          didn’t know that – thanks for the heads up ti.

        • Trish

          Really? I’ve never seen an edit button on this page. But I will stop harping on it if you say so!

        • Sandy

          How do we edit our comments? When I post a comment I do not see an edit button, just the reply button.

          • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

            I’ll figure it out. I added a widget for it awhile ago, but I’m typically on my comments screen in a different view from everyone else. Ugh.

    • Pandora

      They might have to break out the Auto-Tune on the Idol tour for Lee’s sake, if they intend to sign him to a contract.

      • dresden

        truer words were never said. on principle i detest autotune – you call yourself a singer, you should have worked out fundamental problems like pitch, and finding the note and hitting it consistently. no singer in a live setting is perfect, but [insert samuel l. jackson voiceover] got-dam, lol. it’s the same disconnect i have with taylor swift – the studio is obviously covering for a ton of vocal issues that her singing live cannot hide. and it is on the road, on tour, live performances where artists nowadays make the majority of their money, not from sales of their studio cd’s.

        • Pandora

          And there are only three this year who can actually sing on pitch consistently: Crystal, Casey, and Mike. I don’t think any of them has missed a single note yet, as opposed to our dear friends Lee and Katie, who are lucky to find one correct note in three.

          I wonder if there’s another parallel between Lee and Gokey: they are pimping him so much that they really have to sign him, but it will be a kind of WTF do we do with him? How do we find a label that wants him?

          • Burgundy LaRue

            I still don’t get why so many people hate Mike. If his singing isn’t your cuppa, fine. He’s been called arrogant and I can see why the whole pick-up bear hug may be too much. But the guy can sing and is consistent, which is more than I can say for most folks this year. At least I don’t worry if Mike is going to miss 75% of the notes in his song on any given week.

            If it were just about singing ability–I would have Mike, Casey, and Crystal do a month-long competition, crown a winner, and give all three contracts. Really, they’re the only ones whose album I would considering buying at this point–Casey, Mike, and Crystal–in that order.

  • Lucky

    I tried to watch, I really did. I put the tv on, watched Shania’s package and then almost broke my neck lunging for the remote when I saw the Lee was the first performer. Why does he irritate me so much? I think it’s the memory of his singing that douchey Hinder song and that god-awful Fireflies shit.

  • Kathy

    At Last was totally my wedding song. But I picked it because it truly is my all time favorite song lol :)

    I think Big Mike is toast. I hope so. It isn’t that he’s bad. But one hour after the show each week I can’t remember his performance to save my life. Bores me to Tears. He did sound Luther-like. I think Mike is gone for 2 reasons.. 1. I think Aaron grabbed lots of votes last night because he was good and the mom thing- oh I just wanted to hug him and put him in my pocket. Oh that sweet little thing. I voted to save him, I could not help it. I am a wimp. 2. Casey’s cougars will vote their butts off because of his bottom 2 appearance last week. Being in the bottom 2 and not leaving can really boost someone a few more weeks. Unless there aren’t as many cougars as I thought and then he’s toast.

    I would still love for Siohban to be in the bottom 2 just to wipe that stupid smirk off her face.OMG those screeches. At least Adam screeches in key. Good Lord. Listen chicky… if you do it every week only because you can, its a gimmick. No better than Constanine’s infuriating pout into the cameras. I always wanted Bo to knock him on his ass. Lee was even pitchier than usual. I always think I kind of like Lee until I think him beside other contestants I’ve liked before and he is not even close. I liked Crystal but agree that I wasn’t crazy about her talking bit after the song.

  • pootle

    Worst. Episode. Ever.

    I don’t know why they bother mentioning Aaron’s age when he continually fails to show any youthful energy. The judges are just reading scripts now, rather than watching performances, because Mike and Casey were better than Lee and Siobhan.

    Crystal was ok. She’s ok. She doesn’t really interest me, but she’s like a refugee from the days when the show had talented people on it.

  • Jean

    When Kara kept saying “sassy” after Siobhan, while Simon was trying to talk, I got a Molly Shannon as Mary Katharine Gallagher vibe. “Sassseehhhh.” “Supa-starrr.” … No? Okay.

  • burnthis

    I’m getting tired of all the ragging on Casey’s vibrato. It’s a perfectly acceptable vocal technique — and bought Eddie Vedder many nice houses. He has a great voice — especially compared with Lee who couldn’t find the right note with a diving rod, a sherpa and a GPS.

    • muzikizmi

      burnthis, I totally agree with you. Lee’s amount of vibrato doesn’t bother me nearly as much as Lee’s inability to carry a tune. I can NOT STAND his singing in the cracks between the keys of a piano. Maybe he developed that ‘skill’ by not having a guitar tuner?

      • muzikizmi

        Obviously, I am not bright enough to figure out the edit feature, and since my post make no sense, I will have to explain. It should read ‘Casey’s amount of vibrato’.

  • Kate123

    I actually really liked Crystal’s performance which surprised me because I kind of hate country music, but she made interesting choices with how to sing the song and there were nuanced variations in phrasing and with the notes…it didn’t blow me away or anything but it was definitely interesting.

    With Casey, I thought he did well…but I think ‘Jealous Guy’ was still his best performance.

    Lee…all I can hear are his pitch problems and that song ughhhhhh…it’s just one of those songs that every time i hear it I expect some generic male voice to come on and be like “The best of today’s Country music, 99.5 FM CJKX Radio.”

    Big Mike somehow simultaneously enrages me and bores me.

    Every time Aaron performs I kind of forget what song he did and all I can focus on is how freaking adorable he is. He sooo does not act like a normal 17 year old boy…I only really know one 17 year old guy right now, and it’s my best friend’s brother and he walks around calling himself “a fuckin’ boss” all day.

    I’m actually pretty glad they didn’t really criticize Siobhan (except the giving birth comment) because if they did we would have had to hear her try and defend herself for 5 hours.

  • wino

    oh, Siobhan screamed AGAIN….how creative. i understand sticking to a certain performance style/trick IF it is well received. but when you are off pitch and shrilly, why keep it in every fking song? unfortunately, she has yet to hit the B3 and until that happens, she will continue thinking america appreciates her wailing. the bytch is starting to grate my nerves……speaking of which, can Scott Savol 2.0 just go home already? (thanks Jukepoint for that ref!)

    i miss Squirrel Boy, especially after his charming and surprisingly insightful interview w. Slezak.

  • Jean

    “And then when she recovers, still looking like a crazed medieval beast who just pillaged your serfdom and feasted on your babies, she launches into yet MORE vocal gymnastics.”

    You crack me up, TI. So glad you were able to find clips and post a recap – yours are my favorite recaps to read.

  • mozart4898

    Seriously. What. The. Hell.

    The judges tonight made me want to off myself.

    Lee was bad – it wasn’t a bad song for him, but his actual performance was just all over the place.

    Casey was eh…Casey to me. I wanted to reach into the TV and smack him when he said “I don’t think I’ve sang yet.” Yeah, no shit, it’s a SINGING competition (or at least they’d have us think it is), and you’re getting through on your hair, your eyes, and your guitar playing, and maybe 1 halfway decent performance. Tonight wasn’t as good as the ever-compared to “Jealous Guy” and that performance itself wasn’t as good as it would have been if someone would have amputated that goat that lodged itself in Casey’s throat.

    Mike was actually quite good, I thought (probably the best of the night IMO) but all over the internet world he’s hated – and the judges were mostly lukewarm to him.

    Crystal’s performance was nothing more than a total change from what she’s done before (which is what a lot of people have wanted to hear from her) – and the judges kinda knocked her down for it too (although allowing for Randy and Ellen saying it wasn’t her best but still good). I can’t imagine her not being safe but she’s going to get knocked around for a performance that was probably the most stylistically accurate of the night (in that she went country, for a country week). Not everyone likes country, I get that. On to next week Crystal – go back to doing your thing.

    Aaron was decent but wow do TPTB not want him going home now all the sudden. I guess if you’re planning to have him go country it wouldn’t look good to get eliminated in country week? He was decent like I said but the song just didn’t seem believable from him. Nice voice but I think song choice, like it has been all seasaon, was bad.

    And Siobhan. Words cannot describe that. She was just plain awful – pitch was all over the place, then when she left the stage to walk around she and the band almost split tempo and crashed and burned. She comes back front and center and then screams…and then SCREAMS. Then she breathes, and SCREAMS again. I’ll allow that somewhere in the last line or so she actually sounded pretty good but a couple notes didn’t make up for the other 3,276 she assaulted my ears with in the preceding 1:55. VFTW couldn’t have a better poster child at this point. AND THEN THE JUDGES FALL OVER THEMSELVES PRAISING HER. Ugh, I swear, it just makes me sick.

    Siobhan should have been on her way home as soon as the echoes of the last scream died off (probably a few hours away still). But instead, either the best of the night (Mike) or the kid who doesn’t pick the right songs but was far from the worst tonight (Aaron) will probably be going home. Lee is the only other one deserving of a trip home after tonight, but neither he nor Siobhan will go, I’m sure.

    /end rant

    • http://princessleia04.livejournal.com SarahBeth

      Tonight wasn’t as good as the ever-compared to “Jealous Guy” and that performance itself wasn’t as good as it would have been if someone would have amputated that goat that lodged itself in Casey’s throat.

      OMG I actually had to put my coffee down because I was laughing so hard at this.

  • PokyID

    OK So… I have been a faithful reader of your blog since last season. I dvr the show then watch it as I read your take on the show. Tonights show… One (kind of word) GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I Cannot Stand Shoovin Angus!!! Two Words come to mind. Dirty Wh_re! Can I buy an “O” Pat? I’d have to say Kara Dirty-bag-lady fits this category as well. It’s funny to watch Simon watch her as she talks. He is surely thinking OMG will this tramp EVER SHUT HER MOUTH! For the first time I thought Aaron was good. Casey ehhh… I shouldn’t have read the “goatlike”. That reminded me of my dad. Not into Big Mikey either. Simon has him picked for broadway. Lets see… the others, meh, just ok! Uhm can’t get over this Shoovin Angus tramp though… I think I will have Night Mares over her eyebrows!!!!

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      You watch the show as you read my blog? Holy shit. That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you :)

      Wonder if Shoovin knows Colonel Angus?

      • PokyID

        I ABSOLUTELY read along!!! Who the hell is Colonel Angus? Hmmm time for a google!

  • jukejoint

    I think Michael Lynche will go home. He should’ve gone last week, but they’re off by one because of the save. I mean, Tim should’ve gone (not because I don’t like him, but just because that would’ve been the Nikko Smith Memorial Replacement Candidate Slot) at Top 9, then Katie at Top 8 (Nadia Turner 3rd Girl slot, although Nadia was a hell of a lot better than Katie), then Michael Lynche in the Anwar/inspirational guy who wore out his welcome slot, and then, this week, it would’ve been Andrew Garcia in the Constantine Maroulis “He seemed like a front runner for a little while but then we decided he was a douche” slot. Or maybe Casey and his flowing locks will take the Constantcrap slot, as TI suggests.

    I’m still gonna bet that Michael will be flying home to visit his baby, though. But maybe he’ll be #5 Scott Savol Lumpy Guy. Aaron is definitely #4 A-Fed. If I have to accept Siobhan as #3 Vonzell, I will do that to get rid of her. And that leaves Lee as Bo (although he really isn’t good enough to hold Bo’s hair when he throws up) and Crystal as Carrie Who Everybody Knew Would Win It From Day One.

    Ever noticed how often the winner has a “K” sound in his or her name? Kelly KlarKson has three of them all by herself. Plus Karrie, HicKs, SparKs, KooK and Kris. Only Ruben and Fantasia won without a K sound. Maybe Klay AiKen should’ve won after all. Or, you know, Kristy Lee KooK. But Krystal has one so she’s good.

    • caspar

      Every winner has had an ‘A’ in their name. Thus, Lee cannot win. Which is good, because:

      Worst of the night really should be Lee. How many different keys did he sing in, anyway? I’d love to see what a musical transcription of that mess would look like. And then the red-faced grunting, and the side mouth.

      According to posters on MJs, Lee and Sio are an item. Isn’t she a head taller than he is?

      Someone on TwoP proposed a thread name for Sio that I think is funny: ‘Floats like a butterfly, sings like a B-’

  • J

    Has dial idol been accurate this year at all? They currently have Lee and Mike flipping back and forth between last and second to last. I hope his fans are voting for him and not being lazy because they assume he’s safe.

    On a side note, who the hell is voting for Aaron? He’s in first?

    • mozart4898

      If you look at the raw data for Aaron, he’s not getting that many votes on Dial Idol, but what he does have are a lot of busy signals. That increases his score so that’s why he’s that high. In reality he’s got the second least votes on there but a crazy high percentage of busies – so they figure there’s a lot of others calling and that bumps his score higher. Odds are he’ll probably be safe since all those busies are showing up, but he could still be bottom 3. In fact there’s not a single one among them I’d be shocked to see in the bottom 3 tomorrow (there are a couple that don’t deserve it though, and one of them is likely to go home).

      People have pointed out with how many votes are done by text now they figure Dial Idol isn’t as accurate. Plus, people really don’t get that many busy signals any more unless you’re using a landline (I don’t really know why, but I know it’s true – seen that myself) and most people use a cell phone.

  • CayKat

    All I have to say is this my dearest TI:

    I love you for the ‘Mean Girls’ and the ‘Poltergeist’ references. Tying those two into this recap, and BOTH in reference to that horrid Dioguardo bitch… *sigh, you are brilliant :-)

    That is all.

    • http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

      CAROL ANNE!!!!!

  • deez

    OH NO!!!!! That T-shirt gives Crystal an advantage!! None of the other contestant’s significant others (or Aaron’s mom) had clothing with such a blatant message. This is obviously unfair. Mr Bowersox- to- be, you better watch your back!! KERRY KOLSCH HATES INJUSTICE,and if she weren’t googling articles about Kris Allen, she would be all over this right now!!

    • summersnow

      At least it’s not as blatant as that Katy Perry bitch flashing Adam Lamebird on her cape during her AI performance last year. Hmmm wonder why KKK never think that as unfair?

      • deez

        C’mon, but…he DESERVED that recognition.Katy Perry is one of his peers, not some neighbor trying to raise $$ for travel expenses. She didn’t give out free phones!!!

        (You know, that probably was the most blatant thing, as far as pimping goes, EVER done on the show…ON THE FREAKIN’ SHOW! and KKK ignored it, lol!)

        • Pandora

          KKK ignored everything outside the rules/norms/fairness that favored Adam. Because that was all DESERVED and that silly Chris Alien was only there to take up stage space anyway, you know they should have skipped the whole top 12 and gone right from the semifinals to crowning Adumb as the winner because he had the highest Google trends and everyone knew right then that his album would go gold in New Zealand and Andorra and Liechtenstein; even if in each of those countries it only takes 10 units sold to reach gold it’s a really really big deal when it happens and everyone should bow in the direction of the glittery goofball.

          • margie

            I still don’t see how AI allowed her to do that. My gosh it was so blatant who they wanted to win. I never seen anything like that on Idol ever. I still say Adam was a plant.

          • Pandora

            Adam was definitely a plant.

          • dresden

            lambert was the plantiest plant that ever was planted. the king of plants. he dyes his hair black to keep his roots from showing. they should create a brand of seeds and sell them to garden aficinados at home depot.

        • Nich

          Seriously that was SUCH a turn off and I hate that it was allowed.

  • DeeDee

    I agree-Big Mike or Aaron. Lee should go home but won’t. As a casual viewer of AI over the years, I never paid any attention to the show manipulations before. Last year cued me in to how this show works, and this year it just seems so disgustingly obvious. This may have to be the last year I watch this. Of course it could just be that I couldn’t give a damn about any of these people.