The Masterpiece is Finally Published!

2010 March 22

by TopIdol

The day we’ve all be waiting for is here! Kerry Kolsch’s investigative tome — Adam Lambert: Second to No One — is finally available for download!

Since we always appreciate it when Kerry comes over to visit, I had no problem giving her $11.97. Sadly, I really wish she would have properly cited me in those few paragraphs regarding Pastor Rolex. Lyndsey, Jim and MJ got quoted. What am I, chopped unglitterly liver? (Of course, I’m only halfway through so, maybe Kerry will come through for me.)

I’m really not sure where to begin with this, but I’ve so far read about Adam Lambert’s voice being akin to the mating sounds of mosquitoes, Philip Stein watches (as seen on OPERA) and how Kris Allen is really, really dull. So dull he’s torturesome, actually.

If Kerry’s theory on Google and overall web trends indicating Adam Lambert as the actual winner of American Idol, wouldn’t this also mean Justin Bieber would also be the greatest-selling singer of all time?

According to Kolsch, Kris Allen’s brother, Daniel, had a large part in this sordid tale of corruption, Christianity, and chicken sandwiches in central Arkansas.

And Kris Allen was also aware this was going on, too?

There’s just so much more in this book that I really do not even know where to begin. It’s nearly 500 pages. There are lots of cow photos…Chik-Fil-A cows, of course. I really need to get back to my reading! Especially since I’ve now reached the section entitled:

It looks like such a quaint little town…but so did Stepford

Spread the word. Do it.

kimberly

How does this copyright infringement work say on a downloaded pdf file bought and paid for by a person, becoming the property of that person like a hardcovered book purchased at B&N and then shared with a friend or family member? I wouldn’t call this a legit E-book. I’m going to do some research on this right now. Don’t worry Lauren. Just steer clear of this loon.

Lauren

Thanks. I didn’t actually download it so I don’t foresee any trouble.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

The excerpts of this book used on this site are well within the rights of Fair Use.

If I wanted to send this book out to the masses, wouldn’t I have posted a link to it on my site? Technically, if everyone had it, then I would have needed to post excerpts from it, by which then no one would HAVE to come to my blog to read it. (Marketing! Supply & Demand!)

I would also like to find out where Underpants Press exists? The domain is not owned, and I can find ZERO record of it in Google except via mentions on my blog and VFTW.

jukejoint

There doesn’t have to be an Underpants Press because nothing has been anywhere near a printing press — not even a printer — with this “book.” Clearly there was no editor, no layout, no actual paper or ink used at all.
kimberly

I was curious if she really went through the
copyright process and actually has this “ebook”
registered with
the Library of Congress. What is its ISBN?
Underpants Press is not a legit publishing company.
KK merely did a sloppy pdf file all on her own, no
publisher, no editor,
no marketing. She merely slapped a paypal account
on it and is using
American Idol sites as her promotional tool.

Lauren

That is comforting. Thank you.
erinnthered

Copyright applies as soonas you create a work. The Library of Congress service is just an extra legal protection offered by the US. It’s not required for her work to be copyrighted.

Having said that, it was a huge oversight not to incorporate or file a DBA for her publishing company. That would not look good in a court of law.

I believe sharing on a small scale is covered by the case in the 80s that dealt with blank cassettes and VHS, and mixtapes. Don’t know the name of the case, though.IIRC, as long as the person doesn’t profit, didn’t make it available for mass consumption, and didn’t randomly give it to a stranger – only people known previously – then there should be no legal issue.

Lauren, even if you do download it you are in the clear. Don’t even worry about it. Don’t let anyone scare you.
Lauren

That’s good to know. Not planning on downloading it though haha. Does an internet relationship count as knowing someone? And since I never got the message, it was never technically even given to me.

spinningfasterandfastertonowhere

Plus if you are reviewing a book you can quote passages from the book
kimberly

I’ve clicked on the logo and it sends you to another
page with the same logo. Nobody home. I don’t know
if she has a legit copyright, but she may not have
taken the time to do it or spend the money. There
are forms to fill out and it takes time to recieve it.

I have no intention of buying or reading this so
called book. I will say in all sincerity, if
she thinks she can control the piracy, I think
she’s in for a rude awakening. I’m sure it’s being
passed around on the internet all ready just for
the laughs. Even the BSC glamberts might not shell
out $11.97 for it when they might be able to get it
free. She’s got more worries than Kris Allen fans.
kimberly

Thanks for the information, erinthered. Very interesting. I’ve written multi-chapter fanfiction over the years and have had it hosted on different sites. I probably have one or two stories still out there in the cyber world and people have told me they have printed off hard copies. I can only hope my work is safe, but in reality I know it’s not. ::shrugs::

I’m through with this woman and her insanity. I sincerely believe she will get her just desserts.
Pandora

I’m sure that Underpants Press exists in a corner of Kerry’s living room. Hmm, I wonder if she’ll try to take a home-office tax deduction for it? Anyone have any connections with the IRS?

BettyBlue

What proof does she have? That you claim to download it? Because everything you read in the interweb is true?

Lauren

The only evidence she has is me asking for a download link. I think I even said I was still waiting for the Direct Message to come.

Verbally Dyslexic

She’s just lashing out to intimidate you, is all. There is no way she can take any action against you because you didn’t state any intention of downloading.

Then again, her sense of logic is warped, so she might still try. I wouldn’t worry about it Lauren.
BettyBlue

Exactly! No lawler in their right mind would take a case with evidence as flimsy as an internet posting.

ryo

I think what amuses me so much is: Idol has never been a singing contest. Maybe that’s what it was in the very first year, MAYBE. But over the years, it’s become less and less a SINGING competition and it turned into a game you had to win by combining hundreds of other factors and coming out on top – you have to combine things like being attractive, having stage presence, picking good songs at just the right time, connecting to the audience and not only showing talent but showing growth, getting votes when it really counts, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are literally a million factors that go into it. American Idol was never just a signing competition, and it’s really obvious that a large amount of Adam fans really HADN’T watched Idol before s8 because they have no clue.

And what really makes or breaks an Idol is this, IMO: who can manage to attract the “leftover” votes that come from someone going home. Top 3 week, it was Danny, Kris and Adam. Danny’s voting demographic gravitated towards Kris (cue shouts of homophobia and the usual stereotyping that’s terrible to do to Adam but is perfectly okay to do to the entire “Southern” population).

Season 7, it was David Achuleta, David Cook, and Syesha. Who were Syesha’s votes going to end up going to? The sweet-faced little kid with the voice of an angel or the badass rocker? Top 3 really is the sweet spot, because who goes home, IMO, has a HUGE influence on who wins. If if had been Danny who had gone out Top 4 and then Allison at Top 3, who would her votes have gone to? Probably Adam, the rocker-type. By the end of the competition, it’s all about appealing to the fans of the people who are going home before you are.

Sorry to turn this into “American Idol 101″ but seriously. It’s not rocket science. Go read WhatNotToSing and that explains exactly what happened. At least do a little research into the show before you published however pages of nonsense.

kimberly

I agree What Not To Sing has it pretty much mapped out and lo and behold, even redoing the season over again, Kris Allen won. Which was pretty damn cool to see!

Paulie

But… WNTS is not a reliable source! They’re just compiling reviews from the Internets! And y’all know the Allons must have figured out a way to sway those opinions…

wino

same with season 6, melinda’s votes went to jordin, not blake.

actually, i would go a step further and point out that the makeup of the top 10 really determines the “type” of winner.

season 8- anoop, matt, megan…what happened to their voters? safe to say, they might have migrated to kris. some stopped voting, some split votes, but in the end, it seems kris shared fans w. those of the other guys who sang r&b/soul pop music

season 7- brooke, jason, michael, carly etc….not just syesha. those voters would have migrated to cook moreso than archie in the final

i cant recall all of the contestants from season 6 but season 5, same story. hicks won because he received daughtry and elliott’s fans in the final.

ugh. THIS IS NOTHING NEW! for fk sake, its called COMMON SENSE.
jukejoint

But, see, she doesn’t believe WhatNotToSing because they don’t agree with her preconceived notions. None so blind/will not see, etc. WhatNotToSing actually has data and looks all over the internet to put it together, coming up with reasoned, fairly unbiased and thoughtful theories that take into account all the seasons of Idol, as opposed to just this one, and all the performers and performances, instead of just one guy and one song. And as opposed to cherry-picking from those questionable sources who support the conclusion one had already leapt to before one started looking.

Cheer up, KK! You can always move to Costa Rica with Rush Limbaugh. I’m sure things are “fairer” there.
spinningfasterandfastertonowhere

ryo

You are using logic…lol

After a contentious battle between Adam and Danny do people really believe that Danny fans would switch at the last minute and vote for Adam. If someone claims they were a Danny fan and would suddenly switch to vote for Adam at the last minute is lying. The show PROMISED a Danny vs Adam and their fans were at each others throats online, and no one saw Kris as a threat.

Even Danny said on Larry King Live that the majority of his fans would vote for Kris and at the end Dial Idol showed a 3 way split between Danny, Kris and Adam…so it would make sense, TO NORMAL THINKING PEOPLE, that the majority of Danny’s fans would not want to give Adam the crown after the whole season was a battle for the lead between Danny and Adam.

I never understood how anyone would blame Kris for the fans of another contestant switching to make sure that Adam didn’t win.

Do people really think that David Archuleta fans would vote for David Cook if Archuleta had been voted out and it was a race between Cook and Syesha? If that had happened Syesha would have been season 7′s winner.

blacklisted

So, I just read THE FRUITS OF THE POISONOUS TREE chapter….BORING.

et

Aw, no, it’s boring? It sounded so promising!

blacklisted

It’s basically her regurgitating that the watch parties are somehow illegal and votes from those parties are not allowable under the Constitution and the Bill of Rights! hehe

I just made a pitcher of margaritas and will skim this dreck while I get progressively drunk.

et

Bwah, looking forward to your drunken recap
muzikizmi

Blacklisted, we really appreciate you ‘taking one for the team’. Ya got guts, girl.
Mithra

Does she mean watch parties as in something specific only to Idol, or other parties where groups of people get together and watch a TV show, like the Super Bowl, and that’s illegal?
jukejoint

How is that in any way the legal or Biblical doctrine of “Fruit of the Poisonous Tree,” which under the law is about not being able to use evidence acquired from an illegal search and seizure, and Biblically means your kids are gonna be crappy and evil if you’re crappy and evil?

Once again, I don’t that that means what she thinks it means.

Also, fruit is a group noun and doesn’t needs an S. Just sayin’.

Paulie

That’s creative license, using “fruits”. It’s a subtle shout-out to diversity!!11!!

That or the tree is crazy for producing in-bred stuff. Which, you know, is like the Arkansas trademark. *rolls eyes*

PS: I am curious about the chapter on ENTERTAIMENT (sic) INDUSTRY.
Mithra

I think fruits is a HOMEPHOBIC slur calling gays poisonous.

KmKolsch

PS What more could I expect from Kris’s fans. Are you all from Arkansas?

et

Snort. Are you going to next say “Nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in doo doo?” It would be about as logical as your previous statements.
hotpocket18

Uhm no. I’m from New Jersey, but thanks for assuming that ALL Kris fans are from Arkansas. =)
magnacarta

Actually, I’m from Canada. Arkansas sounds like a nice place though. It seems like Kris does have international fans. Huh.

Also, our copyright laws are different than yours. We can reproduce about 10% of any work without getting sued if it’s for educational purpose. I’m a teacher, and I think your book will teach my kids how not to write.

et

Make sure you use the part about whisking away in a limonene. ‘Cause that’s my favorite part, lol.

magnacarta

Haha, that part was priceless. It did provide me with an opportunity to learn a new word. Yay?

You know what’s really sad though? English is my third language and I can write it better than her.

Paulie

Maybe if you edit the whole stuff you can claim it as your own? LOL. The “book” is in dire need of proofreading anyway based on the snippets. Maybe after editing it’ll be a totally new version!

Assuming of course, that you or anyone would like to be associated with it. Hm.
Lauren

I am frightened that she is going to attempt to bring a case against me WHEN I DIDN’T EVEN DOWNLOAD THE BOOK!

Sorry to sound like a broken record but I need Kerry to see that.
Mithra

Don’t worry Lauren. I think Kerry may be in more trouble for threatening and harassing a minor on the internet. I believe this is illegal, no?

This post and the other sounds rather threatening, and possibly extortion:

You can go to my website and pat for the book or my lawyers will be in touch with you. I can subpoena all of Top Idols data and find out exactly who you are. You can tell your friend you just twittered that she damn well better pay for any copy of this book as well .
Lauren

Hmmmmm, she did curse at me.
But I just realized she said “pay for any copy”. I have no copies so thus I will give her $0 for 0 copies. I wish I had a credit card so I could just send her the money and not have to worry about this.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Lauren, please don’t worry about it. You’re fine.
Lauren

Thank you. I hope so!
magnacarta

Do I want to be associated with a BSC fan of a singer I don’t care about? What do you think?

I am tempted to put that monster through BabelFish and see what goes out if I ‘translate’ it in French.
Paulie

LOL magnacarta. Yup I figured as much. The Babel Fish thing does sound interesting though!

And Lauren, I agree with Mithra that the lawler’s threat is treading the lines of cyberbullying. And while I still wonder how is she tracking the copies (if that IS true), you haven’t received any copy yet so…
Lauren

Yup, yup, I am just not going to stress about it. I hope she finds a way of figuring out who actually downloaded a copy before pressing charges.

ftube2009

Gee Kerry, I asked a legit question.

FACT: You have stated in the past that you are a lawyer
FACT: You are stating you will hire a lawyer to go after people who get your book without paying you for it

All I asked is why hire a lawyer if you are one and you can’t even answer that?? Having difficulty keeping your lies straight?

et

Maybe she’s a *special* lawyer and can only do *special* things (one of them clearly NOT being proofreading).

Paulie

It was mentioned that’s she’s also a chef right? Maybe that’s the specialization, doing torts while making tortes.

wino

Actually, Los Angeles bench. And we sinners love Chris Allon and his evil chicken eating family. This is really a global conspiracy, not just an isolated campaign by the state of Arkansas. I hope you get your facts straight.

EVIL RULES !

all together now….
Sandy

Hi Kerry!!!!! While I have absolutely no intention of actually reading your “book” paid for or otherwise I am certainly enjoying all the excerpts and comments here about it, including yours. I’ve gotten quite a few laughs out of it. I would like to know how the “pat for it” thingy works though. And by the way I am from CALIFORNIA. I voted for Kris because I PREFERRED his performances over Adam’s. Shocker, hunh?!!?

Miz

Los Angeles here. I even knew Adam casually before he was on Idol. Nice guy who I think made some bad choices on the show and some really bad choices since it’s been over. I still preferred Kris Allen’s music and singing and voted for him. I would have been fine with either one winning the contest. I listened to both their albums and only bought Kris’. It’s just the type of music I prefer.

KmKolsch

This is a general message to all of you who so brazenly think it is just fine to violate my copyrighted work. I will go after infringes to the full extent of the law. Marji and Lauren had best go pay for a book or I will have my lawyer track them down with Top Idol’s data. You can have all the fun you want but it crosses the line when you steal from me. Have a great day! KK

ftube2009

Why would you have to hire a lawyer to track them down if you are not only a lawyer, but a crack investigative journalist? Seems like going after them would be a walk in the park for you?

et

No kidding. If you can do enough mystery solving for 500 pages of shit, um, writing… surely you can get your little detective hat and solve The Mystery of the Book Stealing Posters.

(Cue skeery music)
TankieGirlie

Hahahahaha

It’s Orly Taitz.. I am convinced of this now….

Mithra

Kerry, I think Adam’s friend Cassidy should sew you for impersonating him with implied intent by using his name to post there and try to sell your book.
ryo

Good luck with that, really. Movie companies can’t stop people sharing their movies, record labels can’t stop people sharing their music, but one little lawyer from Miami is going to hunt down a blog FULL of blog readers that are basically anonymous and have them prosecuted for illegally downloading when no download link has even been POSTED here. You can’t even prove that the people who said they were going to download it actually did. And you’re a lawyer? Seriously?

Like I said, good luck with that.

margie

Well I will buy your damn book because you scare the shit out of me in how far you will go.
Mithra

I think we’re safer “illegally” downloading it anyway. I was tempted to order it and pay, but then Kerry would have my Paypal information, and that’s a frightning thought.

ftube2009

Mithra – You bring up a very valid concern and it is the reason I won’t buy it. I don’t trust this person with my financial information or my name & address.

Margie – You have nothing to worry about. KKrazy would have to pay a real lawyer, one who is actually licensed to practice law. It is a $12 item. Best she could do is small claims court. But it would cost her a bundle just to find out who you really are. While I believe she is that crazy, I don’t believe she has the money to pursue it or she wouldn’t be trying to become an overnight internet millionaire.

muzikizmi

Seriously, I wouldn’t have it for free, so you don’t need to worry that I might buy or steal it.

Beware of those vengeful texting chikins, though. They have really high priced ‘lawlers’.
blacklisted

Bitch please! What copywrited work? The sack of shit you posted in Adobe?
margie

It’s Margie not Marji…just saying
BettyBlue

I wouldn’t read your book even if you pay me.
wino

while you are out getting a lawyer, also get a life.
Mithra

Kerry, I have a question. When you stated earlier “It was not right and anyone who wants to protect a cheater is not worth my time” – then why come here and waste your time further?
Lauren

Kerry, I didn’t actually download your book. Like Margie said, you scare the shit out of me so I am not even looking for the link. I WOULD go pay for the book even though I didn’t violate your copyright, but I don’t have a credit card and thus cannot.

BettyBlue

I’m sure Sean will buy a couple thousand copies for some of his fellow glamcows. Just wait for the announcement.
isidra

I’m only a lowly law student, but honestly Lauren, if you didn’t break the law, you have nothing to worry about.

If you’re really scared, then you should talk to a lawyer. Don’t give in to her bullying.

Lauren

Thanks. I am deciding between my fear of Kerry and my fear of telling my parents why I want to contact a lawyer…

isidra

Stop trying to bully people into buying your book.

Unless TopIdol was the one hosting the book, her records will do jackshit for you and you know it. Anything less than an admission of guilt proves absolutely nothing about who downloaded it.

To get the information you want, you wouldn’t subpoena TopIdol, you would subpoena whatever site is hosting the book in order to get the ISP addresses of the people who downloaded it. And even then, there are difficulties as a lot of sites don’t keep long-term records of stuff like that. You’d have a much better shot in going after the person UPLOADING as those records last longer and in most court cases it’s SHARING the file, not downloading it, that gets the severe punitive damages.

Of course you can’t bully THOSE people into ponying up 11 bucks for your book.

Lauren

Wait, I hope she subpoenas records of who downloaded the book because that would prove my innocence!

isidra

You don’t have to prove your innocence. She has to prove your guilt.

Like I said above, if you’re really scared, you should talk to a lawyer. There are legal aid centers in most cities who might be able to give you advice for free, and they can tell you exactly what your rights are.

Lauren

I think I am not going to worry about it. I offered to pay for the book I didn’t download if she will give me an address to send the money to. What more does she want from me?
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Were you deliberately quasi-referencing an Adam Lambert song?
Lauren

Haha I thought it might soften her!
Mithra

I don’t think she has the right to coherse you out of your money. Again, you being a minor, this is territory she would be wise to stay away from, but then we are talking about Kerry
isidra

If you DO get any sort of legal papers (I think it’s unlikely, but the lady IS crazy) then you should definitely go to a lawyer. You have rights and defenses, and the lawyer can help you with that.

And honestly, it’s probably a good idea to tell your parents anyway.
Lauren

Thanks guys. I am hoping that she is sane enough to check who actually downloaded the book before producing legal documents.

isidra

(Disclaimer: I’m a law student, not a lawyer. But I’d recommend anyone here who is afraid of Ms. Kolsch’s threats to go and talk to one before doing anything she says.)

Verbally Dyslexic

This is a general message to all of you who so brazenly think it is just fine to violate my copyrighted work. I will go after infringes to the full extent of the law.

I look forward to reading developments on that, Kerry. Maybe you can write a book about it, you upholder of justice, you!
deez

Awwwwww*sad face*! Are you FAILing in your attempt to become an internets millionaire/Tard Queen?

(That reminds me I need to go read about the Sweet Potato Queens!)
Miz

Kerry, I’m sure you are aware that the most you can recover in such a lawsuit is the amount you lost. What are you charging for this digital manifesto? Was it $11.95? That’s small claims court. No other court would even hear this case. You will need to subpoena TI’s records and I seriously doubt that you will be granted a subpoena to go after a teenager who you THINK may have a copy of it.

Oh, Lauren, the kid you’re picking on? She’s a huge Adam fan. I’m sure Adam will be happy to hear that you’re doing this to her.

Lauren

Really? She can’t sue for the cost of a lawyer and court fees and what not?

Adam’s brother is actually reading this book. Maybe Adam himself will contact KK!

blacklisted

She’s gonna have to ‘sew’ Neil for the $12 also given that he got an illegally downloaded copy!

Lauren

You know, I kinda think he did…
Mithra

Oh, this should be good. Neil will probably copy it and send it to Adam, if he hasn’t already. Now she has to sew Adam

kimberly

If they didn’t zap the thread at AO, it would look like Adam Official was endorsing the book. Took them long enough. I only wish they would make some sort of statement against this piece of trash. But, then to acknowledge its existence … From what I read there were people buying into the whole Adam as the top favorite based as her compiled/pilfered internet statistics.

I think this year, the bookies will be far more cautious about twitter trends, google searches, et al. I don’t think they took into account the batshit crazies. In reality, I’d say a small number of industrious BSC fans boosted his stats. I’d also say there were plenty of haters checking him out as well. Too many variables and statistical anomalies skew the results. As far as I’m concerned her data is unreliable. When you have BSC fans voting 90+ times on the VH-1 countdown in one sitting, one can only imagine the lengths Lambert’s fans would go to for his success. Twitter trends take hours and hours of tweeting — diligence is required.

Adam Lambert is a very small cog in the American Idol franchise. He is not the end all and be all as the glamberts believe. Losing AT&T’s sponsorship would be a huge loss for 19 alphabet as opposed to the success or failure of Adam Lambert’s career (which in my opinion is totally inconsequential).

Mithra

Ugh, they zapped it? At least I have one page in a browser still up from this morning. I haven’t read that bit yet, but upon scrolling I see that Kerry is JELLUS of XenaJuneau because they didn’t get the haterz:

CassidyMC:
Re: The New Adam Lambert book, Adam Lambert Second to None
I can not pimp KK’s book because I am not KK. Once again I want to remind everyone to have a cool head. I only read the book and I found it to be what KK said it was. I do not believe American Idol ever intended this to be a voting contest. It was suppose to be a singing contest. What happened to that Idea? When Matt Jordan an AT&T executive chose to promote Kris and hold voting parties sponsored by AT&T for the purpose of bringing in the win for Kris how can that be fair? This is not something Kerry invented she documents how Matt Jordan went from working for AT&T to working for UCA, a school he graduated and Kris attended that held Watch Parties with about 3,000 people. Jordan went to work as a marketing director when he brought in the win for a great marketing tool. Is there anyone that does not get that this was wrong? Why are you attacking me? No one treated the writers of The Meaning of Adam Lambert the way you are treating the mention of Kerry’s book.

summersnow

LOL so this is the crap that KKK has managed to finally come up with after sooooo many months of “researching”? I’m really amused by the way she writes and how she is trying her best to contort every detail into some kind of conspiracy tale. The part about Kris trying to give back his trophy to Ryan really trickles me. But sorry, I’m not paying a single cent to read through this torturous crap. Maybe TI can consider lifting more interesting highlights fom the book to entertain us though.

margie

you can download it free.

Lauren

Where? link?

margie

Can I post that here?

Lauren

Errr um do you have a twitter? You could DM me @lauren722

Don’t want to get TI in any trouble.
margie

sent it Lauren :0
Lauren

Thanks! I am waiting for the DM to come through

KmKolsch

You are on notice that you are violating my copyright. My downloads are imprinted so that I will know exactly who is responsible for the infringement. You may think that you are being cute but you are breaking the law. You can go to my website and pat for the book or my lawyers will be in touch with you. I can subpoena all of Top Idols data and find out exactly who you are. You can tell your friend you just twittered that she damn well better pay for any copy of this book as well .
Errr um do you have a twitter? You could DM me @lauren722
Don’t want to get TI in any trouble.

Lauren

Well alright then guess I am not downloading it.

margie

I didn’t actually download it myself. Someone sent it to me.

ftube2009

“You can go to my website and pat for the book”

Who do I have to pat and how does that work over the internet? Do I click my mouse on a picture? How many times do I have to pat before I get the book?

et

Now I’m imagining a picture of Adam and you have to hold your mouse pointer thingy over his head and a sparkly hand will pat, pat, pat until you have patted enough to get your book . Woot!

KmKolsch

Lauren, you are on notice that you are violating my copyright. My downloads are imprinted so that I will know exactly who is responsible for the infringement. You may think that you are being cute but you are breaking the law. You can go to my website and pat for the book or my lawyers will be in touch with you. I can subpoena all of Top Idols data and find out exactly who you are. You can tell your friend you just twittered that she damn well better pay for any copy of this book as well .
Errr um do you have a twitter? You could DM me @lauren722
Don’t want to get TI in any trouble.

Lauren

Errr again didn’t download it yet.
et

She can go pat for it? Pat what, your head?

KmKolsch

After you pat for it pay for it as well.
Lauren

I didn’t download your book! I got your message before I got a link which I actually never received! I promise. And I can’t. I don’t have a credit card to use for paypal. :/

nerdgirl

Hey, Kerry, I am writing a book about you. Very serious investigative stuff… I already have some interesting pictures …

margie

I have made it this far on the free download…. BUT this cracked me up

“Heartless is a black man’s song that was sung by a whitebread southern boy.”

Oh the irony. Isn’t that stereotyping??

Sandy

That sounds RACIST to me!!!!!!!
et

Heh, she said that in her book? For real? Did she have a problem with Adam singing “Change is Gonna Come?”

deez

AWWWWW!!! DAMMITT!!! I went back to AO for some more LULZ, and the mods have zapped the thread. C’mon now! Hmmmmmm…..*goes to check PF*

muzikizmi

Oh fun! I can’t wait to read your report upon your return.

deez

Zilch. I can’t imagine hwc, Q3, and the gang are ignoring this. It’s probably in one of those special rooms that’s inaccessible to all but the “special” people.

et

Hmm, they must be in the padded room. I went in the padded room once before they locked the padded-room-barred-door to crazy land. Hwc, Tess, etc. all lived in there and it was quite entertaining. And now, sniff, they won’t let me in. Nooooo! (rends garments)

deez

Yeah…To gain “padded room” entry, it told me I had to register, which I was too lazy to do.

ftube2009

Looks like Kerry Kolsch put her house on the market 3 weeks ago. Wonder which of the following could possibly be the reason –

1) Madame is going to realize her love is true, give up mansex for her, and sweep her away to travel the world.

2) She is going to be able to afford a much nicer house after she scams thousands of sparkle cows into buying a book of articles swiped…er…”researched” on the internet. She has written about “making her own wealth”…

3) She is being foreclosed upon because she spent the mortgage payment on Madame CDs which were donated to orphans in South America.

4) It is a conspiracy masterminded by Daniel Allen to harass her into hiding to keep her book from making the NYT bestselling list and being selected by Oprah.

Lauren

Well thinking like KK it would be 4, but 3 seriously seems like it is the most likely reason.
muzikizmi

Could this masterpiece have been the fruit of a psychedelic mushroom experience? Maybe Adam’s most faithful fans wanted to share that part of his self awareness journey with him. That is the only explanation that I can find for the prematurely balding brother, conspiring with chikin cows and cell phones.

Lauren

Pahahaha that is entirely possible. If Adam says drugs are cool…

wino

#4! that fking Allon family is really to blame for everything in this country. didnt get to work on time? the allons are at fault! late w. the rent ? the allons strike again. the health care bill passed and you dont like it? well, duh, everyone knows the state of arkansas was behind that bill along w. the allons.

cb

Uhh, am I correct, this was only a reality tv show and not a presidential election she is “exposing”? Geez, I have laundry more important than this issue. Enjoying the making fun of her though!
w.dark

I have read this enire manifesto. I’ve managed to choke back the tears of laughter long enough to finish this masterpiece.

There’s so much wrong with this “book” I barely know where to begin. Most of it has already been covered – the assumptions, the lack of evidence, the plagiarism, the statistics… and, most notably, the spelling and grammar.

I will actually sit down and write a review at some point. I can’t help myself. I’ve read some horribly indulgent delusions committed to paper before, but this takes the cake. Or the chicken.

A single question remains now that I’m done: How the hell does someone with no literacy manage to become a lawyer? The school who gave her a diploma needs to be investigated.

This was certainly an entertaining read. A “book” about Kris Allen that involves voting conspiracies, Bill Clinton, Opera, chicken and cheese dip. Compelling stuff.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

You forgot about Scottie Pippen, Car Jung and moving the quantum.
wino

oh please do write a review!

Kendra

I live in England, a tiny northern town, nobody here gives a crap about American Idol, Kris Allen is the first musician whose career I have ever felt inclined to follow or care about, unfortunately this has made me aware of the existance of the absolute mentals that come with being a fan of the current American Idol.
I just sit back shake my head everytime I see some ridiculous comment from one of them regarding Kris and instead of replying to them with “seek help” I instead think that at 22 I am way to old for this crap.
This woman is completely tapped in the head and the fact that there are people who buy into her even slightly makes me want to cry and tell them all to seek some bloody help.

wino

hmmm, so England must be a homophobic country too! darn, poor adam is in for a big surprise during his big UK press tour.

seriously, i do question the mental state of this woman. and i wonder if adam’s security team has her name in a special file. i wouldnt be surprised if she was the reason adam cancelled his meet and greets during the idol tour. this lady is bat shyt crazy.

damitman

Im more worried about Kris’ safety actually. Who knows what shes capable of!?

dresden

miley cyrus is the guest mentor this week on idol? i’m gonna watch just to see her advise the contestants on the fine art of pole dancing, the best way to wear skanky outfits while doing so, and how to use autotune to their advantage, lol… if you didn’t know, now ya know – this show is shot to shit, for real. just get this fubar’d season over already – crown bowersox, and be done w/it. i’d miss these lulz, but i’d live.

Sandy

The thought of Miley Cyrus advising Crystal Bowersox on how to sing makes me ill.

Nich

Can’t to see them force Crystal into gushing about how much she learned from Miley cause you’ll know it’s all bullcrap.
Blue Eyes

OMFG! It’s the other way around. Crystal Bowersox can teach Miley how to sing!

wino

the show has always been cheesy and stupid. group performances? yikes. “celebrity” mentors? serves no purpose. wed results show? embarassingly long. i think the only way to save it is replacing simon with a good judge, like sir elton john and removing the fourth judge.

muzikizmi

That’s exactly what Nigel Lithgow said in interview a couple of days ago. I have to agree. Sir Elton John and two other (brand new) judges. Nigel also said he would replace the other two as well. Smart man. Elton John, Steve Lilywhite, and Amy Lee (Evanescense). That’s my dream judging panel.

Burgundy LaRue

Yep, a totally new judging panel is in order. As much as I loathe him, Seacrest is good at his job so I agree with Lythgoe–keep him on.

Pandora

Don’t know for sure if she is the mentor, but she will be performing on the results show apparently.

BettyBlue

From this blog post:
According to Kolsch, Kris Allen’s brother, Daniel, had a large part in this sordid tale of corruption, Christianity, and chicken sandwiches in central Arkansas.

Headline from the previous blog post:
Tim Urban is loved by Christian homeschooling moms & sandwich eaters

Either TI and Kerry Kolsch are the same person (like AML/KNA/Neil/etc is really just one person) or they’ve been hanging out together way, way too much.

wino

LOL, both of those were written by TI , as a way to poke fun of Kerry’s claim. so of course the writting style will be similar. (unless of course, you are kidding too…argh, sarcasm overload for my tiny brain)

oh man, i just love this site.

Nich

There’s also the point where more people were fans of Adam than Kris BUT a lot them weren’t voting. You know how many times I’ve heard “I don’t watch Idol but that Adam Lambert is amazing, I saw some YouTube vids…” Some only watched YT vids of the performances the day after or where in other countries.

Yeah Adam was the most talked about but if those fans didn’t actually VOTE then they are the ones Glamberts should be pissed at and now Kris and his crazy conspiracy.

Nich

Shoot this was supposed to be a reply to Pandora’s reply to wino!

magnacarta

I can’t take anyone who uses ‘glamwave’ and ‘glam-something or other’ unironically.

I think this book will be enough to get her committed.

magnacarta

unironically seriously*

damn, i really wish we had an edit button

wino

Dear Kerry, this is why Kris won:

1) he had a water cooler moment when it counted, with Heartless

2) he took some of leftover votes from Danny, Matt and possibly Anoop.

3) people love an underdog

4) he had a better support system in his community

5) some people preferred the musician over the performer. (i know i did, i live in LA and i voted for kris. in fact, none of my idol watching friends like adam)

that’s it. there isn’t one major reason why Kris won, its a combination of small various factors. in the end, it doesn’t make Kris more talented than Adam. on that particular night, he received more votes. that’s the way the idol cookie crumbles

Pandora

But wino, more people did Google searches for Adam! Of course he should have won. And crazy people, I mean people registered at Adam’s fansites, prefer Adam to Kris, so of course it was only cheating that let Kris win!

wino

of course, silly me. i tend to forget that google searches equals votes. (slaps palm to forehead) stupid! i should’ve went to lawlaw school like kerry.

Sandy

I’m in CA too and I voted for Kris for 4 hours after Final 2. And I was getting busy signals near close of voting. What a shocker! People in Adam’s home state voting for the enemy. I have a few friends who voted for Adam after Mad World and a couple other performances but none of them were still voting for Adam at the finale although he did get talked about a lot(as in I wish he would quit it with the tongue and sceeching high notes).

wino

exactly. adam was being talked about, but it wasnt all good. not everyone enjoyed his singing or performing style. and while he had high moments in the begining (mad world and tears of a clown…superb!), he didnt recapture that magic towards the end. thats what kris did better, he was able to slowly gain momentum and stepped up when it counted. it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out how he won.

caspar

Seriously, they’re allowing this stuff (the cat fighting about the ‘book’)to be posted on Adams Orifice? See, that’s why there are no sane fans- they’ve all been frightened off by the crazy. If I were a Scottish lassie who fell in love with Lambert’s spindly shanks in that kilt pic today, and went on AO, I’d probably back out rapidly and never return.

Mithra

You hit the nail on the head. His batshit crazy fans will kill his career faster than you can say Claylene. He’s got an uphill battle as it is being a bad actor trying to pass himself off as a rock star. The general public seems to have a big enough percentage to support shite though, but even your average culturally illiterate music buyer will see the “Glamberts” and their “Glamily” for what they are. Even Adam’s boneheadedness can only do a fraction of the harm. In a way, he and these idiots are a perfect match.

I also think that Kerry may have written this tome in the comments box here at Top Idol – when it overlaps the sidebar

Nich

This books sounds a little bit scary and a whole lotta sad.

But kudos to her for following through?
deez

Cassidy/Kerry is still fighting @AO this morning. She still insists on sockpuppetry even though everyone there knows who she is:

CassidyMC:
Re: The New Adam Lambert book, Adam Lambert Second to None
@ idolfan Wow, that is really crazy! Why would anyone want to make money? Shame on anyone would who would think of such a thing! You are trying to attack the messenger rather than the message. If you google Kerry’s name you will find that she was Adam’s fan long before any controversy erupted over the Idol win. She defended Adam against the bigots who were calling him names and reminded people that it was a singing contest. Kerry also came to Adam’s defense when the Burning Man “National Anthem” was released by Adam’s brother and the far right attacked Adam as being unpatriotic. Kerry gave them a lesson on the First Amendment and political satire and the issue died. What is the point you are trying to make? Either the book is an accurate account of what occurred or it is not. I do not know how anyone could have won when the other guy is more popular in 49 states. I checked Google Trends for May and Kerry is right. This fan site from day one has always been about five times more active than Kris’s. How come Kris did not move up on trending until May 20th? Adam’s trending jumped on the 19th of May on the night of the voting. Adam’s “A Change is Gonna Come” was #16 in trending that night. Why don’t’ you stick to the facts?

Kerry giving lessons on the 1st Amendment and political satire. Oh my.

*sigh* I guess the rational Glamberts are the ones who post at night. This morning they are telling her how brilliant she is to have uncovered her nonsense. One thing they apparently have in common is the belief that Google trends and fansite traffic=votes. OMG Adam was SOO MUCH MORE POPULAR ON THE THE INTERNETZ!

.

I think the compilation of charts (screen caps) and other internet documentation is really quite compelling in the publication.

I personally saved a few captures from the same source pages because of astonishment during the whole process. First, because I was so excited that Adam had such positive statistics, then – after his loss – because I was dumbfounded.

Everyone has the right to earn money for their efforts – and saying this book should be free is silly.
Everyone also has the right to NOT BUY it, NOT READ it – if that is your preference.
Sounds like an Adam philosophy to me . . . each to their own.

Why sharpen all the claws and start scratching each other’s eyes out. A wee bit unbecoming to say the least. (not sexy?)

Personally, I think this publication has historical value. It snapshots the inconsistencies surrounding an important event that all Adam fans experienced.

Was it fair?
What would be different if Adam had won?
Is it possible this will change the landscape for future contestents?

As for these questions, the authors comments, and possible conclusions – well that’s up to the reader to decide about.

Also, they cannot comprehend that there were other reasons that caused Adam’s lines to be busy. Of course his lines were being jammed!!!! Conspiracy! Let’s not take into account that you couldn’t get thru on Kris’s lines either, lol!!

Oshi:
Re: The New Adam Lambert book, Adam Lambert Second to None
For me this isn’t complicated. If organized fraud and voting abuses occurred during Season 8, then it should be investigated and appropriate measure should be taken – legal or otherwise?

If there was fraud, it is unacceptable. When something is done that is illegal and/or immoral, it can not be tolerated in a sane and just society. It really is that simple.

It is not for us to second guess KK motives here. It is the substance that is at issue. I know there was something seriously wrong that final voting night. I tried non-stop to place votes for Adam and only got a busy signal. I got through about 5 times out of 500 tries.

This is why I will never vote again for an AI contestant, no matter how deserving. I don’t trust the system.

At issue here, at A0, is whether advertising the eBook breaks site rules? Probably so, which is why this thread will be poofed as soon as @RMGed sees it. This Topic is relevant to this site, just not the advertisment and promotion.

Oh yes! How can we forget those damn unfair block texting instructing!!!! (I guess they couldn’t find the exact same ones that were posted on their own site!)

The stories from Finale night are not made up. I was one of the ones who tried to vote for hours and the lines were jammed. I saw the phones that allowed them to vote after the time was up in their area. They were on the KrisAllenNation web site along with instructions on how to use them. Being in the Eastern time zone, these phones allowed people to vote 3 hours longer than me. Fair to me…no. Fair to Adam…no.

Of course there are a few voices of reason there, but the mooing is drowning them out.
Read it before it goes *poof*!!!!! http://www.adamofficial.com/us/node/1351120

(sorry, I know this is LONG)

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Power texting instructions go up on the FAN SITE OF EVERY IDOL CONTESTANT.

I’m sorry people in Arkansas did it better.

After reading half of her tome, I can say that I do see how she could be suspect of such things upon first glance. But if you have some insight into marketing works, or how these towns do rally for a hometown kid in such things, you figure out a minute later that it’s just not true. Fine. She was flabergasted after Lambert lost and was convinced there was a scam. Lots of them were. But I think the majority of them got over it, right?

The book also has a lot of assumptions. For all the citations, there is not a lot of hard proof, and I just think the conclusions could have been drawn better if she felt she had a serious argument. It almost reminds me of when I picked up an Ann Coulter book once at B&N and read a few pages. Or when I turn on Fox News, perhaps. Vitriol doesn’t prove anything.

And in the Tim Urban post I did over the weekend, I link to a news package from the DFW Fox affiliate and it talks about how Urban’s community is supporting him. Complete with an interview with the head of the Chamber of Commerce. So what happens if he wins?

et

I think if Tim Urban wins then Deez should write the manifesto about that in her Harry Potter style. I would vastly enjoy that.

deez

Far too lazy, et !

Tim Urban could very well win. It’s not about who has the most fans, but who has the most motivated fans. (I guess “Who” did have the most motivated fans) That’s selling him somewhat short, though I think. Kerry never took into consideration that the VAST majority of voters don’t participate in AI internet doings. It’s quite probable that the type of person that Kris would appeal to is a laid-back type of person who doesn’t spend every waking hour obsessing on a fansite over someone they will never meet.(just a thought)

There’s nothing surprising going here. Adam’s hometown couldn’t be bothered to do what Kris’s hometown did (there was nothing stopping San Diego from doing the exact same thing, well, except for apathy). NOTHING illegal at all:

there was NOTHING we did at those watch parties that could not be duplicated for any other contestant. We were so careful to make sure no “idol rules” were broken…so much in fact that, at times, it made our job campaigning for local support difficult.

That is from one of the members of the Watch Party Committee. With the same resources, information, and (according to KK) far less people, they outdid the Glamberts! No conspiracy, no evil plot, no corporate shenanigans…just local grassroots organization at its best. Get over it Kerry.

et

A wee little baby manifesto? An essay?
deez

Well OK…but only if it’s nice, and not too expensive.

wino

not only does it happen every year, but Idol encourages it when they film their top 3 hometown visits. for the purpose of storytelling, they try as hard as they can to rally the community in support of EACH idol. guess who always ends up winning? the kid w. the most support. its quite simple. DUH

happened the year before with Cook. go back and watch the tapes. who had the biggest, most supportive group? David did in Kansas. Archuleta had a massive crowd too, but not as impressive. And poor Syesha, she had 10 people lined up on the street weakly chanting her name. Probably distant family members. Jordin…same story (big crowd, big support).

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

And as soon as David Cook won, his alma mater in Warrensburg (Central Mo State U) threw up a congratulations banner on their website.

et

Of course they did. It’s marketing! When you’re trying to market your school/town/whatever, you’re going to use anything you have to draw people’s interest. I guess that’s too logical, though, and seems like logic is not a concept that Kerry can follow. Lawler-ness and all.

Sandy

There were Archie fans accusing Cook fans of cheating too, but I don’t think any of them wrote a book about it.

KmKolsch

Top Idol Your friends are not playing nice. It makes you look bad when your posters are spreading my copyrighted work around for free. Do you think that you can advise them that it is wrong and that I can track them down? This is a soft release of the book, a kind or trial balloon, how do you want to be cited for Pastor Rolex? Then I am surprised at you. You are smart women. You do not see a difference in having a watch party and having one where AT&T gives out free phones and has a stadium full of people power text thousands of times each? It is telling that Matt Jordan did not last long at AT&T after he admitted sponsoring these parties. You can be a little more careful about quoting me as opposed to using quotes in the book. I am a big fan of Bill Clinton, not politically but as an intelligent person and a gifted speaker. I was the one in shock when Sonja Keith said that Kris would make people forget about a 5-term governor and two-term president that is both loved and hated. The quote from the politician about Kris bringing cultural literacy to Arkansas was shocking to me as well. I am also not the person who said that Kris knew all about Arkansas. That was Kris’s childhood friend and Webmaster of KrisAllenation Josh Jenkins.
Since you have marketing friends explain to your brain trust here that 274 million Americans are on the Internet. There is no way that Kris can be underrepresented statistically in marketing research. Marketing data tracks multiple aspect of traffic. It can track the number of people and the number of times the same person went to a location to access data. We can tell every place American Idol fans go on the Internet and there is a direct correlation to these fans and Idol votes. My guy at Hitwise up until Adam had a perfect record of picking winners. As far as Adam having negative interest, that is true, but surprisingly more positive stories are written about Adam than are written about Kris. Marketers are able to calculate negative interest and in spite of what some people think Adam’s negatives are not high. You have people like two of your friends that posted 29 times on my web page using multiple names. Did they not know that I could see their ISP numbers? Much of that goes on giving a false sense of high negativity. Finally you did not have to pay for the book, I did offer you one for free. I will be sure to send you an autographed copy of the hard copy.

Lauren

Kerry, as I have said several times, I did not download your book. When I saw your message, I did not even look for a link for it. You warned me and thus I did not follow through. I was going to send you an email so we could discuss this but I cannot find one on your website. Please respond so I know you have read this. I apologize for my initial intention of downloading the book.

margie

I am so sorry Lauren.
kimberly

Lauren, Please don’t apologize to her. She can’t hurt you. If this is your biggest offense in life, you’re better than most. Don’t try to get in touch with her. You didn’t download it. End of story. Don’t let her guilt you into buying this crap, unless you really want to buy it.
Lauren

I am well aware that she has no evidence against me I just want to talk to her so I can convince her to not even try to bring a case.
I will be applying for college soon and I would really rather never have been to court. Especially since I never even broke the law D:
blacklisted

This stupid bitch is trying to bully two of the nicest posters on this site. I haven’t noticed her going after other people. Margie and Lauren, this heiffer got nothing. Hell, she got less than nothing.

Her fake ass, I’m gonna ‘sew’ over ‘copywright” infringement is a load of shit. I’d love to see her go after the glamtards who are passing along the link. That’s right heiffer, Adam’s biggest fans ain’t paying for this shit either. Why don’t you go after their sparkle asses?

Oh and btw, this dreck is an even more ridiculous read when one is drunk. I hope KKK goes after the person who gifted me the book!
Lauren

I appreciate your support Blacklisted.

I am sure Adam’s fans are downloading it illegally. They download everything illegally! I always see song download links posted to twitter so I am sure they would do it with a book too.

Hopefully, the fact that I didn’t download the book will stop her from bringing a law suit.

You are very entertaining when drunk but be safe!

margie

I bought it so stop.

Lauren

It’s my fault I shouldn’t have asked you on a public blog.
If Kerry wants $12 cash in the mail for the book I DIDN’T download then she can provide me with an address.
margie

Thank you blacklisted. I am getting drunk too now What a Monday.

Again Lauren, TI and everyone else I apologize.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Actually, you quoted the woman as saying Kris Allen would bring cultural literacy to Conway, not Arkansas. Because it was a small town. I don’t dispute that was said in an interview, but it was Conway, not Arkansas that spoke of this cultural literacy.

AT&T representatives have hosted watch parties for a number of contestants. Regarding Matt Jordan, as a UCA alumni who still lived in the area, he probably jumped at the chance to get his new position at the school. I believe you said he worked at AT&T for 7-9 years, correct? Why is it difficult to believe he probably found a better job and wanted to move on from AT&T. Also, the $1.3 million he oversaw was not “hosting $1.3 million events”. He was obviously involved in regional/local media buys, et al. You also mentioned how many of the nearby store managers left their positions in the months following the Idol finale? What exactly is the turnover rate for the retail mobile industry? How does this compare to other places/states/et al? It’s retail. I’m sure full-time employees leave around a year, two most.

erinnthered

For some reason this reminds of the JFK conspiracy buffs’ assertion that one of the ‘conspirators’ was killed because black ice on the road sounds around Dallas sounded too ridiculous.

Except that dozens of people die every year because of black ice around Dallas. They’re known for their ice problems.

Conspirators don’t want to listen to locals, or people who might know more about a subject than they do because it might not fit their “common sense” idea of the facts.

It doesn’t sound like Kerry did any real research into Arkansas, Conway, or the culture of the area, nor did she look into mobile companies and how their marketing works. It just wouldn’t have fit the facts as she assumes they must be.

Plus, she went into the situation with a bias, and assuming the outcome. That never leads to truth.

kimberly

I don’t buy your statistics nor do I care about your statistics. A balloon trial? Is that an excuse for churning out shoddy work and people calling you on it? Have you purchased your book-binding machine on E-bay? Putting this dreck in hardcopy won’t legitamize it one bit. I’d suggest saving your money and taking in the cash from the “e-book”.
wino

Pssss, local business have always supported watch parties for idols. this time, it happened to be an AT&Tstore in Conway. thats not the same thing as AT&T, the company as a whole, sponsoring Kris….you are misleading your readers and as a lawyer, I am shocked (shocked my fellow TI readers) that you cannot tell the difference.

Also, since you love bringing this party up…..give us numbers. How many people were in attendance? Dont just generalize. If you say thousands, is that 1K or 25k? Also, how many phones were passed out? From an interview after the finale, the reps at that store said they gave away a couple of demo phones for peeps to use/test out. In case you didnt know, this is called marketing, not cheating.

Mugsy

Quote from Kerry, uh sockpuppet, uh Kerry, above:

“The stories from Finale night are not made up. I was one of the ones who tried to vote for hours and the lines were jammed. I saw the phones that allowed them to vote after the time was up in their area. They were on the KrisAllenNation web site along with instructions on how to use them. Being in the Eastern time zone, these phones allowed people to vote 3 hours longer than me. Fair to me…no. Fair to Adam…no.”

But Arkansas is in the Central Time Zone, unless it seceded from the Union again. So, that’s only two hours longer than ususal. And, Who still won! What a powerhouse state Arkansas is!

BettyBlue

Remember, Adam is also more popular in the other 49 states. I gotta give it to the Arkansans. They sure know how to vote.

isidra

It’s such a pet peeve of mine when people bring up the 1st Amendment in situations like this. The first amendment protects against government encroachment of the freedom of speech. Until a state or federal Congress makes a law against babbling idiotically about Adam Lambert it’s not really applicable to the situation.

I’d like to think Kerry Kolsch knows better than to bring it up in discussions like this, but given her track record so far, I’m somewhat doubtful.
Mithra

Cassidy/Kerry

What’s the story behind her using his friend Cassidy’s name as a ghostnick/sockpuppet? I know he was encouraging Adam’s tards, just like “Cheeks” was or still is. Is Kerry part of this as well?

dresden

still lmao… are the only sane fans adam has left the ones that post on this site? i try, i really do, not to paint people in broad generalizations, or form absolute opinions about people/groups i don’t know or are unfamiliar with, but no fan of lambert should ever again have to wonder why people consider the majority of them to be batshit crazy, or seriously deluded after reading this crapifesto from one of their own, lolol… the cows who are going to buy this pos, and who believe any of this are worthy to be mocked and derided until judgment day, lolol… this goes beyond the usual, customary and reasonable responses most have when they feel their fave was robbed – if you buy into any of this mess, i think a mental health assessment should be mandatory.
dresden

just… wow and lmao! this manifesto is almost unabomber-ish in it’s delusion and paranoia, and outright [john mcenroe voiceover] You Cannot Be Serious -ness, lol. i wouldn’t pay a dime to humor this kind of crazy – and make no mistake, this woman is cuckoo for cocoa puffs cra-zay

i’ll read anything that is published online for free, but this bird needs some hep – somebody get this bid some hep
Blue Eyes

The mad cow that wrote this book is off her rocker. What a huge waste of time. If she has that much time on her hands, just think of all the good she could have done in the world who have real life issues.

Stupid sparkle cow!
kimberly

I used the term published loosely here. Am I wrong to think this is on word press? It’s pdf format right? (Not all that computer literate.) Set up a paypal account and presto, start raking in the cash. Anyone can do this. Her biggest asset is her networking with MJ, Jim C., Top Idol, even Rickey and every AI blog that mentions her book, along with Planet Fierce and any site with Lambert loonies. She can reach thousands of people online. Negative or postive advertising is still advertising. She’ll count all the hits on her site as postiive. She’s way ahead of all those writers who paid out cash to self-publish the correct way, just from all the internet buzz. I have an aquaitance that has researched all the means of self-publishing. She’s far more versed in it than I am … I’ve read fanfiction that you download the same way, but they aren’t allowed to “sell” it due to copyright infringement — only difference that I can see. Whether anyone can go after her for slander or whatnot is debatable, but then most outside the AI internet world doesn’t even know she exists.

If what TI highlighted here as the conspiracy theories, KK is beyond delusional. I watched Youtube videos of Daniel Allen before he introduced Kris Allen on homecoming day and boy, can that guy talk. At first I thought he was some televangilist with his thick southern accent and overly annoying enthusiasm. I thought he was a preacher, but discovered he was a cheerleader. Both annoying. Daniel may be loud and may be his brother’s biggest fan, but as far as masterminding Kris Allen’s AI win, well, it’s laughable. No braintrust there.

I can only hope this bites Kerry K. in the ass. (Though, she’s probably enjoy it. ::grin::)

kimberly

Gah!! Typos galore. Very sorry.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

The stuff I keep thinking about, and may write a detailed outline of why its crap, is the stuff blaming the AT&T Sr. Mktg Manager.

Nowhere does it say AT&T was involved to make money. Talk about a captive audience. AT&T is the only carrier from which you can text votes. Organizing neighborhood watch parties for a hometown contender? BRILLIANT. How many mobile plans and GoPhones do you think they sold?

In one instance, she says that because this guy handled $1.3 million in marketing allocation, et al, he was responsible for events costing $1.3 million. Uh…how? This guy could have only negotiated/allocated $1.3m in the entire time he was in his position, or annually. There is nothing odd about this, as AT&T likely localizes their marketing by state and even country. This guy basically established partnerships with local businesses and colleges, like UCA, where an AT&T banner is visible on the scoreboard. There is nothing out of the ordinary about these arrangements. It’s marketing.

This year, when it was reported AT&T would be offering some service to Black Rock City (Burning Man), many people were pissed off because it went against the idea of the event in many ways, but many pointed out ads in the SF area for AT&T which resembled the BM symbol. SF has the highest concentration of burners. Is this a conspiracy or just targeted marketing?

She talks of Governor Beebe being involved in bringing an AT&T call center to Arkansas (the Conway area, I think), again, this is not out of the ordinary in the least. States fight over who gets new Google servers because of the jobs they can bring into the area. Google has been opening these in rural areas across the country and states bid on the contracts.

Why the hell would AT&T care that much about Arkansas or Kris Allen? Exactly.

On The Edge

EXACTLY, TI…Beebe fought to get that call center the same way Gov. Barbour here fought to get the Toyota plant (which will open aaaaaaaaany day now *not holding breath*). My hometown is trying to get Google to test their new ultra high-speed broadband network there. And in neither case did they feel they needed Jasmine Murray to get those things.

Miz

Wait, this isn’t even an ACTUAL BOOK? That picture of a book is just … well, a picture … of a book … with a bad sketch of someone who is supposed to be Adam Lambert pasted on it’s cover?

I have a bigger question now. She’s selling as documentation of her ‘investigative reporting’ copyrighted words and charts from things she found on the internet along with copyrighted photos. Does she have written legal permission to use these and not compensate the original authors, artists, and photographers?

TI, I hope she’s quoted you and you get paid the big bucks!

jukejoint

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! That was one of my extremely long questions, because she seems to think she can use a whole lot of copyrighted material without permission or paying anybody for the rights to their intellectual property. I have a feeling she is a fly they won’t bother to swat (way too much effort for such a small fly that’s gonna die in 24 hours, anyway) but I wish somebody like a photographer’s professional organization would at least send her a cease-and-desist. Those guys don’t mess around.

kimberly

Take me awhile to digest this crap. On the subject of Burning Man, The Current channel had Burning Man 2007 on — especially loved Thunderdome and the Flaming Flying Piano and, of course, the never-ending flow of alcohol. Saw a quick shot of a “cupcake” race and flamethrowers and trapeze artists.

Adam Official needs to nip the book discussion in the bud now. Clever way of promoting her book on Adam’s official website. She’s making money on this shit. I’m not an attorney, but there’s got to be some line crossed here.

Mugsy

JOY!!! It’s published! In print! It’s a reality! Like Kirstie Alley’s new show. Kirstie is in real denial over her weight. But, Kerry Kolsch isn’t in denial over who really won American Idol season 8. The evil state of Arkansas will finally get the spotlight it deserves.

Oh wait, I haven’t actually read these excerpts yet. I will do so now. Wow.
erinnthered

All these basic mistakes about Adam’s history. Like, what classical voice training? He had some music theatre classes from childhood through high school. That’s it. That’s why all the people I know who have had serious voice training, or have music degrees in voice, decry his technique.

She just made up this uber fan fiction version of Adam that the readers are supposed to take as real. I bet he bleeds glitter and can cure sick unicorns in her universe too.

Also, it’s COMPLETE, not COMPLEAT! She really did just ignored spell check.

This reads like a manual for her eventual institutionalization.

Lauren

Her issue, I believe, is she didn’t bother to reread, and just pushed the spell-check button. Thus, her numerous cases of using the wrong tense, or even the wrong word completely, were left uncorrected.

I do not take any work seriously if it has so many typos/ basic grammatical errors. I am terrible at grammar too, but you know, she’s writing a book. Have a little pride.

et

I could never take anything seriously either with that many typos. It’s really absurd. Have some pride in your manifesto at least and make it professional!
erinnthered

I know you’re correct, but I really want to see a spell check that has ‘compleat’ or ‘limonene’in the basic dictionary. Usually they err towards common spellings in the basic dictionary, and you have to add rare words. I’m wondering if she didn’t know ‘compleat’ was incorrect.

How did she get an undergrad degree with mistakes like this? It’s scary.

erinnthered

Now I know how the crazy wikipedia editors feel. I keep wanting actual sources for those crazy opinions.

Poor Daniel. I bet his involvement was supposed to be one of her big revelations. Hee

Dibs on Toad Suck Queens or the crap about No Boundries. I just want to say “Randy, Randy, Randy…”

erinnthered

OMG! She did use the Zabasearch method. The lulz never end!

Verbally Dyslexic

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!

I look forward to the dramatic readings and intellectual debates which we will hold to discuss this literary masterpiece and shining example of investigative journalism. If I had a smidgen of artistic talent and an inkling of what Kerry Kolsch looks like, I’d scribble out some special tard art because she is the gift that keeps on giving! I’d make a Kerry fetus Christmas ornament in her honour and design a special I <3 Kerry tattoo with some of the most inspiring quotes from the book. I tard you, Kerry!

BTW, someone should gift that douche Kriss Ollon this eye-opening piece of work so he knows that his cunning ways are found out.
SmartPoptart

I have this really bad problem with self-editing and when I write I tend to ramble unnecessarily long. Once a professor marked up one of my papers for “monster paragraphs” and not using “a normal human font” because I had decreased my margins and used a smaller font to make it fit within the 18-20 page assignment. Another time I emailed a professor asking if 503 words would be acceptable for a 500 word essay, and he emailed me back saying he had taken my original query and rewritten it and cut the word count in half, so I had better find a way to weed out three words.

So when it comes to writing long winded nonsense KK I understand, I really do. But 500 pages on American Idol, text messaging, Arkansas and chicken sandwiches?! Out of control.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban has roughly 430 pages. And there’s wizards and hippogriffs and time travel and shit in that. So reign it KK, reign it in.

deez

LOL…nice. Someone should rewrite Kerry’s book in the style of JKR.

“Wotcher Adam,” growled Simongrid, pulling at his exposed chest hair, ” Be careful of those power texters. They’ve been gatherin’ at th’ watch parties down at th’ Leaky Cauldron.” He looked furtively around the room for any erstwhile Deatheaters, the mark of the chickenfoot could still be spotted on their forearms even after these many months. Adam instinctively brushed back a shock of overdyed hair to finger his trademark thickly-applied mascara. “My lashes!” he thought, “they’re burning again.”

Verbally Dyslexic

I would pay $11.99 for this, no lie.
SmartPoptart

Genius deez, genius. In this situation, KK is obviously Rita Skeeter.

[Also, we can all agree that Paula would be Professor Trelawney? Yes? I mean, she's the only judge who saw into the future.]

deez

Yes. Do not forget the evil mastermind, Lord Danielmort.

Quatto needs a role as well. (???)

Paulie

Quatto is the portkey or sorts. Hello, it was activated that night Matt was saved.
erinnthered

Oh Noes, Paulie! Does that make Lil or Anoop Cedric?!
Verbally Dyslexic

Considering that in the movie Cedric dies, only to be reincarnated as a glittery vampire, I’d say he would be Adam. Harry had Dumbledore and a bunch of other people helping him, so that makes him Kris.

I don’t know. All I know is Kerry should pay us commission for helping her develop a commercial strategy for her book. I bet no other place on the interwebs is as excited about her book as we are!
erinnthered

Can Allison be Neville? Somehow she has to save the day in the end. It’s only right. She’s almost BSC retardant. Too bad it has kept away good fans too.
mylifeback

Quattro needs to be a horcrux….

Mary

Simon is definately Lucious Malfoy! and Randy is wormtail lol

rehabilitard

Kansas City was also rooting for David Cook to win. All the same stuff, voting parties, T-Shirts, Fox4 coverage. What is the big deal?

isidra

Really. Nothing stopped California from rallying behind Adam in the same way. Heck, the population of LA alone can’t be that much less than that of the entire state of Arkansas (disclaimer: I know nothing about state populations, so I could be completely wrong about that).

Kris didn’t get any advantage that Adam couldn’t have gotten, except that, for whatever reason, Adam wasn’t able to inspire his state to vote.

deez

According to the thingy I just looked at, the population of LA (or LA county…not sure) is 3 times that of the entire state of AR. The largest city is Little Rock/North Little Rock which is like about 400,000.

margie

Deez Arkansas is a small state population wise. If Adam’s hometown of San Diego even voted he would of won.
Miz

The population of Los Angeles (the city) is roughly double the entire state of Arkansas. LA is just under 4 million estimated in 2009. The 2008 estimate for Los Angeles County was just under 10 million – that includes cities like Beverly Hills, Pasadena, Glendale, Burbank which many might think are LA City. We’ll know better when this year’s US census is complete.

Of course Adam had San Diego, San Francisco, and OMG NYC backing him in addition, not to mention the entire entertainment, fashion, and media industries. ALL of Adam’s fans are upper income, computer and internet savvy, and have staffs at their disposal to do all the grunt work for them.

Kris brother and the entire state of AR need to get hired by someone. They’re that good.

Sherena

The thing is, California, and LA especially, doesn’t really have a ton of hometown pride as a rule. Too many famous people come out of California for them to care about some American Idol contestant. Whereas smaller, more rural states tend to get into the hometown pride a lot more easily. It’d be a lot harder to rally all of California, or even LA, behind anybody the way Kris rallied Arkansas behind him, simply because everyone’s too jaded to entertainment.

Not that it matters all that much because I don’t think Arkansas has enough people to sway the vote anyway.

isidra

I doubt doubt that it’s harder to motivate a big state like California. But he also wouldn’t have to motivate nearly the percentage of the population that Kris would Arkansas to equal the amount of voters.

There’s a reason that most of the winners come from the south: the south rallies behind one of their own. Last I checked though, being able to motivate that kind of regional interest isn’t against the American Idol rules.

cc

He didn’t beat “THE RACK GAWD” who has THE BEST VOICE EVAAH!!1! aka Adam Lambert.

(Lol. I guess I should stop now before I camp out here. )
Verbally Dyslexic

TI, is there anything in the book at all to indicate that Adam’s fans had done all they could to vote for him within legitimate and legal means? Because obviously in Kerry’s world, hometown support through voting parties is not, although family and friends of contestants have been doing that for years.

deez

Crap. I’m really sleepy and should go to bed, but this is fun. I can’t wait for part two of this dreck.

cc

Same here. I’m still laughing my @ss off at 2 o’clock in the morning. What I’m excited about is for Kerry to pay us a visit again. Now that she just finish her book, I’m pretty sure she has a lot of time in her hands to answer all our questions.

et

Well, I am off to have dreams of being whisked by limonene – or is that a nightmare? I’ll be eagerly racing back to the computer in the morning to see if there are more nuggets of Kerry-wisdom to mull over

margie

Kerry-wisdom..lol This lady is a “lalwer” she can’t spell for shit.

isidra

Actually, in my experience, most folks in law school can’t spell (or do math) worth shit. But the rest of us are smart enough to spell-check and use proof-readers.

deez

Holy shite, she paid an artist for that nice drawring of Tom Cruise. You’d think she might’ve have thrown a couple of fifties at him to proofread it as well.

wino

logic alert: dont most people thank and CREDIT their family, friends and community for their success? usually with a line like this: “without your support, i wouldnt be here” . is this really her investigative skills at work? are you fking kidding me?! god, i love the internets. without them, i wouldn’t encounter such stupidity. (well unless i ran into my ex).

et

But… but… didn’t you see him try to give the trophy back to Ryan? Didn’t you? Clearly he was GUILTY!

wino

that has to be my favorite “piece of evidence”. clearly, the woman has never heard the term “humble”. but then again, this is not what they teach you in law school DUH.

since she’s so clueless about society and human interaction, i honestly wonder if she is mentally impared. not kidding.

rehabilitard

That crossed my mind.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

I’ve now come to the part about cultural literacy. It was someone from Conway who allegedly said that, about Conway…not all of Arkansas. And Scottie Pippen factors into this because he was the last big star out of UCA.

margie

LMAO Pippen cares about AI? I know he did do a commerical for UCA a few years ago when he went back and finished his degree.
wino

TI, are you watching the new Top Model? There is a chick there from Conway and during her introduction, I immediately thought of AI. Seeeeee, Kerry is right. That fking Chris Allon has put Conway on the map. Truth prevails!!
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Yup. Jessica. Who got married at 16 and has a kid.

She’s now 18. I need to start blogging ANTM. It might help me keep my sanity this year, sadly. AI just sucks not even in a fun way. Hell, even the contestants appear as if they don’t want to be there.
caspar

Aw, don’t give up TI. I hear they’re gonna start bringing it this week(hee)! Plus: Xtina! (Probably)
Pandora

No. Fraking Miley fraking Cyrus (per a tweet from Adam Shankman). TI should start a pool on which week the Moppet of Beelzebub will show up since Idol is rapidly descending straight into hell.

OTOH, I hope for a shot of Bowersox’s reaction to Miley’s “singing.”
et

Ugh, really? Miley Cyrus makes me want to scratch my ears off my head. Guess I’m skipping the results show, lol. I just can’t be bothered with it. As long as Bowersox doesn’t go home… I’m cool.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

The Moppet of Beelzebub will perform during the Top 10 week when USHER is the mentor. Rather fitting, as Usher “discovered” him.

I will bet money next week is Usher and Justin Bieber. They are desperately trying to get the kids to start watching again.
wino

yes, start blogging! i would have loved your recap of last week’s episode…..the hot alien girl going home and that one chick falling TWICE during the runway. good shyt.
http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Pathological liar alien cult girl? She was a trip, wasn’t she?

Although the other one did trip…2x. Was sad because no more Miss J. at the judges’ table, but Andre Leon Talley was awesome, and if we still get to see the occasional Miss J., then I might be okay with it.
deez

OMG!!!!!!!!!! Daniel Allen is now furiously throwing switches and turning knobs from within his sekrit Mastermind Lair in Arkansas!! Muhahaha! No one shall defeat Conway!!!!

cc

That Kurs Aleen is a douche.

“Kris suggested that Adam’s Rolling Stone cover was given to him with the promise by Adam that he would out himself there.” ~ Ookay, so does it mean that Adam’s not supposed to be in the Rolling stone cover? Kris gave it to him out of guilt? Does it mean Adam was forced to out himself just to be in the cover? OMG CONSPIRACY!!! ::wink::wink::

margie

LMAO Kris made Adam out himself…oh my

vtu

Yes, most people do credit their family, etc., but when they do that, they don’t really mean it. What’s sinister about Kris is his sincerity. He actually meant it, which begs the question, what exactly is he thanking them for? It’s all very suspicious.

wino

true, that fking homophobe with his sincere words and earnest praises. who the F does he think he is?

cb

“god, i love the internets. without them, i wouldn’t encounter such stupidity. (well unless i ran into my ex).”
Ha Ha, wino, I loved this.

deez

Here is Kerry’s secret photo stash:

http://www.fox16.com/slideshows/default.aspx

Towards the bottom, you will find a slideshow of the super-sekrit meeting with the scheming governor!!!!!! (photo-op)

According to the pics, Pizza Inn was in on it as well. They also have a mascot who supported HBD!!! Why was he not implicated??? Not fair, Kerry!!!!
deez

Bwahahaha!!!!!!!!!! I finally found the pics of the nefarious cows!!!! SCORE!!!!

http://www.fox16.com/Photo.aspx?slideshow=51fa028d-1d67-4c20-ac81-3267ae3e8f83&photo=3c06d691-c56b-40fe-a10a-811a890da0a1

et

Well, hell. Make him hand the trophy over now. Them cows ain’t playing fair.
On The Edge

So wait, that’s 2,000 fans attending? Hmm, if they each had two phones (one for each hand), were taught the sooper-secrud one-handed texting method (trickier for lefties), had two hours, then divide by pi, carry the four…ummm…errrr…*head explodes*

deez

Did not she state in one of her lengthily stoooopid comments here, that she had pics of the cows presenting a check to Kris??? I could’ve sworn she said something akin to that.

So far, this is hilarious.

deez

Where’s all the documented REAL TRUE FACTS OF REALITY???? I’ve yet to see one.
Paulie

Wow. I dunno whether I want to laugh or scratch my head in utter befuddlement.

And for something that’s supposed to be an investigative piece, it sure has lots of editorializing comments. “[D]ull as dishwater”? “Glamwave”? Really?

deez

Unencumbered by any corporate interests, independent investigator Kerry Kolsch took on the mystery that no other journalist would.

lolololololol…investigative my ass. This is about as investigative as a fourteen y/o girl posting “you are a whore and a skank” on some other freshman’s Facebook page.

Lauren

Well you were a lovely person Deez.

koda

How dare you, Kerry is a serious, objective journalist. Yes, at one point she calls Kris “that little squirt,” but in her defense, he is awfully small.

cc

FINALLY!!1ELEVENTY!!1

But wait, does this mean I should watch out the headlines tomorrow? I mean the truth behind Chirs Alon’s win has finally revealed to the masses and “The REAL WINNER” will get his trophy back?
barado

KK’s description of Adam’s effect on the audience in Memphis sounds a lot like Kris’s on his audience in Detroit tonight. People were reporting a lot of pushing and shoving to get near the stage, and lots of people were yelling at him to take off his shirt and more.

I hope this book release means the return of the dramatic readings, because I won’t be spending any money to buy it.
deez

Where does she get they were booing Adam b/c of homophobia?? LOLOLOLOL…It’s Kris’s frakkin hometown, idiot! Of course they’re gonna boo Adam, it was the finale, it was mano a mano!! When Dallas Cowboys fans boo the Philadelphia Eagles it isn’t because they hate flying predatory fowl……it’s because it’s a football game and they’re playing the Eagles! Get it, moron?

HOLY SHIT…This is proving more sophomoric than I thought.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

et

I wish I could get whisked by a limonene.

Sherena

But that sounds painful tho…

et

Hmm, maybe I’ll skip the limonene whisk and hang out with season politician fan girls? I would like a summer senator and the fan girl should be a blonde. With a big fan.

Paulie

Limonene? As in the orange-scented hydrocarbon (thanks Wikipedia)? I wonder how would being “whisked” by one feels.

I also noticed the book has LOTs of endnotes. Kudos for citation.

et

We need to write a glossary for the book, I think. I mean, the casual reader isn’t going to realize just how important limonene whisks are without a glossary!

dresden

can this limonene whisk be purchased at crate and barrel?

On The Edge

Um, what particular citation style uses roman numerals? I know damn well it ain’t MLA or Chicago!

Lauren

That’s just what I was wondering! I am pretty familiar with MLA and APA because of school and I know she isn’t using either of those.

On The Edge

I wanna say I went to junior high with a “Limonene”…she does hair now, I think.

Pandora

Kris is a representation of his state? Is he a statue that came to life or something?

et

Maybe if you sprinkle limonene on a statue they will come to life… a compleat living little squirt with fan girls and season politicians!

Miz

It’s so sad that the Governator of CA was too busy to send a limoene for Adam and have a private meeting with him. I don’t even think Antonia Villaragosia declared an Adam Lambert Day. It’s just so unfair.

Oh sorry, I forgot that Adam’s hometown is San Diego and not Los Angeles. Nevermind. Tony is off the hook, but Arnold isn’t.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

All Katharine McPhee got was a visit to her old high school, too. That was only the second season I saw of Idol and it occurred to me right away, how everyone else met the Governor except the girl from Southern CA.

Burgundy LaRue

Taylor and Elliott had thousands show up for their homecoming days. Katharine’s day looked like arenas during the dying months of the ABA or 1970s roller derby. You could actually see the custodian sweeping the peanut shells and beer cups. It was sad, really.

et

deez, that just cracked me the hell up… your football analogy is perfect, lol.

isidra

I’m still aghast that the woman’s a lawyer. I’ve never seen anything that screams “please sue me for libel” as much as this does.

It is kind of fascinating though.

Sherena

Maybe she wants to be sued. So she can take the good fight all the way to the nation’s top courts, and prove the glory of Adam Lambert by winning. Or something.

et

Does she think if she gets sued that Adam will notice her and give her a glittery freedom fighter sash or something?

Sherena

Possibly! Or maybe he’ll even do her the great honor of acknowledging her on his twitter!
deez

Oh! get this, over on AO they’ve told her to stop plugging the book there. They don’t want it associated with them, because apparently someone told Adam about it and he wanted absolutely NO PART OF IT!!! And yet…she continues.

et

It’s the TRUTH! Stop protecting KRIS! TRUTH!!
spinningfasterandfastertonowhere

over on AO they’ve told her to stop plugging the book there. They don’t want it associated with them, because apparently someone told Adam about it and he wanted absolutely NO PART OF IT!!!

Oh no! “They” have gotten to AO and Adam!!1!!

Those bastards!!11!

Thank God for Kerry’s courage. It should have been Adam being whisked away in that limoene, not that evil, conniving Kuris Ahlen.

Burgundy LaRue

She’s got it all figured out. Adam will be the new and improved Superman, complete with studded codpiece and a 55-gallon drum of glitterized pancake makeup as his weapon. Seriously, fukk being able to leap buildings in a single bound when you can screech musical notes at a dog ear-splitting level.

Simon will be Batman–dark, brooding, filthy rich and with a young ‘ward’ at his side (Seacrest).

KK’s role? None other than Wonder Woman, of course! Sent to us from the mystical island of Dementedsya, Kerry–princess of the brave and fearless Lawlerian women–will be the emissary for her fair land at the United Nations, where she will bring forth a decree to banish for all eternity the evil Khryx LuAllenthor and his partner in crime, Brainy-Danielac of the nefarious Legion of ConDoomWay.

Coming to you soon from BLR Comics

jukejoint

I think the best chance for a lawsuit is from Adam, for using his name and face (even though it doesn’t look very much like him) to try to sell something without his permission. She’s trying to sell her sad little missive on Adam’s back.

Come on, Adam — TRO her ass! (Popping popcorn and keeping my fingers crossed.)

rehabilitard

Yes! TI got a copy Can’t wait to find out about THE FRUITS OF THE POISONOUS TREE, lol.

blacklisted

We’re all waiting with bated breath for that chapter!

cc

I feel like this book will be the gift that keeps on giving. You know that every chapter has their own treasures.

TI, I lurve the title. Masterpiece indeed.

On The Edge

You have GOT to get me that chapter on the Toad Suck Queens! As a Sweet Potato Queen myself* I just have to know how much power us SPQs have!

*though I may qualify more as a “Tater Tot,” and before you ask did you know you can just declare yourself one and that’s it? I for one declared myself “Queen of the Coach Mini Skinnys” a while back.
Mysterioso

That sneaky Chris Allon! You can bet the 1,000,000+ sales of his single were all to the state of Arkansas!

mylifeback

No, silly. It has already been determined by the sparkly marketing executives that those million downloads are attributable to Script fans, since Chris Allon has no fans.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

This may be one of my favorites…so far.

Kris’s appeal could be used for bringing tourist to the state and for relocating businesses to Arkansas. His fame would make Arkansas more desirable & no one would think of Bill Clinton when they thought of Arkansas anymore.

et

But he’s only bringing “tourist” – which is one. Can one tourist erase the memory of Bill Clinton? Powerful stuff, that.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

AND RELOCATE BUSINESSES???

blacklisted

lmao!
isidra

Don’t most people still like Bill Clinton? I mean, Lewinsky aside, he had a pretty successful run in office.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Remember, Kerry is a die-hard libertarian.
Sherena

Yeah, I think people generally do like Clinton and think fondly of his presidency. And even the Lewinsky thing– his popularity SKYROCKETED during that whole debacle, mostly because people thought the whole thing was blown out of proportion and unfair to him. Clinton is still well loved, for a past president. Hardly a soil on Arkansas’ name.

SmartPoptart

I mean I don’t know about you guys, but as soon as I heard Kris had won American Idol my first thought was “My next vacay totally has to be in Arkansas!” And yeah, that imaginary business that I don’t have? Definitely moving that to Arkansas too!

If any guitar slinging Arkansas native was going to entice me to move there it would probably be this random guy that no one’s ever heard of named Johnny Cash, but then again, the mighty siren call of Chick-Fil-A is hard to resist.

Seriously lady. Get it together.

margie

Who’s Johnny Cash? Arkansas is not a bad place to vacay seriously though, but you have to like the outdoors. I am gearing up for Oaklawn…I love the horse races..drinking and gambling..fun times
Pandora

Kerry probably thinks that most people have only heard of Johnny Cash because Adam performed that bastardized ROF cover.
oddgirl

Why would I move to Arkansas since Kris now lives in Los Angeles? Wouldn’t that sort of get rid of my reason for moving to (what I’m sure is a lovely place) Arkansas? I already live in L.A….

et

It’s not hard to see how Kriss Alfons won – I mean, if each of his 10 fans voted with those super turbo Chik-Fil-A-boosted toad sucking rocket powered AT&T phones that Daniel Allen invented…

On The Edge

Dude, screw the iPhone, I WANT one of those rocket powered, chicken-sucking phones! Steve Jobs probably wants one, too…did he promise a job at Apple R&D to Daniel in exchange for artificially inflating Kris’ iTunes numbers, hmmmmmm? The plot thickens!

mylifeback

First impression: You would think, being as famous and glittery as she is, that she’d have been able to get one of those sparkly marketing executives with 25 years experience to edit her gawd-awful writing. Guess they’re too busy tracking Adam’s ZOMG!!!!AMAHZING111eleventy!!RAWKGAWD iTunes sales in Denmark.

Second impression: Just. WTAF.
ryo

The best part about this? Before she put it out on sale, her insanity wasn’t COMPLETELY apparent. Now, you can read 500+ pages of cray cray. I don’t care if you’re still convinced Adam SHOULD HAVE won, if you read this and think this woman isn’t absolutely off your rocker, there’s no help for you anyway. Even just going off this – DANIEL ALLEN was able to mastermind something? DANIEL? Who has fewer brain cells than he does hair strands left? Yeah, no way in hell. Keep on chugging, Kerry Kolsch! Who knows, one day you may find someone other than those as crazy as yourself who cares.

ryo

*off her rocker, excuse my typo!

et

I keep having that South Park ditty “Blame Canada!” run through my head – but it can be changed up to “Blame Arkansas! Blame Chik-fil-a! Blame Toad Suck Queens!” pretty easily, methinks.

I hope you enjoy the 500 page epic marvel of journalism, TI. Thanks for taking one for the team
et

I can’t even begin to digest that crap – but what the hell is a “Glamwave?” Gawd I hate fecking Glamberts and their Glamwave Glambulge Glamily Glamidiot crap.

vtu

How dare you, you glamophobe!

et

Sigh, I’m sorry. I’m just not in the most glamtastic mood tonight!

Sherena

I don’t understand how this got published. Her writing is awful… But I suppose I should be grateful it did because it sounds pretty funny so far ^.^

et

She’s a lawyer and a journalist… her writing is top-fricking-notch!
et

And the TYPOS. Jeebus. They must not be able to afford a proofreader at Underpants Press.

“Trying to undermines Adam’s business to promote Kris was not new to Daniel.”
vtu

I think the answer is she didn’t “get published.” I’m guessing she used the “save as PDF” function in Word, decided to self-publish under the name of Underpants Press (which I’m thinking is a reference to the undies Adam auctioned off for charity), and voilà, it’s ready for sale.

wino

yeah, published as in saving the file and printing copies at Kinkos.

but then again, what do i know? i dont hang out with season politicians and ride in limons.

vtu

Isn’t she just selling electronic copies, though, or am I remembering that wrong?

deez

If she didn’t have to pay good cash money to get that thang published, then she shoulda been able to afford her lawlerin’ fees!

Still in arrears:

http://www.floridabar.org/names.nsf/0/B8AE97ED66B0271E85256A8400392C5E?OpenDocument

wino

i wonder from which online school she received her law “degree”?
vtu

Wow! You are quite the investigator yourself. First the cow pics and now this? Just think what you and KK could have accomplished together.

jekyll

Very astute, vtu. Deez is a consummate investigator.
hyde

IKR????

ftube2009

“Still in arrears: http://www.floridabar.org/names.nsf/0/B8AE97ED66B0271E85256A8400392C5E?OpenDocument”

That link says she was admitted to the bar 17 years ago. So she must be the 50ish year old KK (aka “my aunt with the same name”). I’m guessing there is only one KK – a lonely sad woman in her 50s tarding over a guy young enough to be her son.

I would like to see this “book” reviewed like a real book. You know…facts checked by truly independent investigators.

Another blog makes mention that KK never actually explains the 38m votes from Arkansas. She says there were but never provides proof. Anyone here see anything? Can’t wait until the “book” hits a file swapping site so we can read it for free.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Because the Speaker of the House reported this (38 million) on his blog, so he had inside information given to him by AT&T.

Miz

ANYONE can self publish a book. Anyone can get a printer to print it and a binder to bind it. Heck, it you’re even moderately crafty you can do the printing and binding at home. There are also tons of places online where you can just send them your manuscript and they’ll do it all for you. Then you distribute it and sell it on your own, which is exactly what KK is doing.

I want to know how many copies she had produced and how she’s distributing them. It it all online and mail order sales generated by flyers in bathrooms? (source: Ryan’s NYC Kradison concert fan reports)

Miz

I want an edit function! Or a slower enter key. it = if in the sentence ‘it you’re even moderately crafty.’ Later on ‘It it’ should be ‘Is it.’ I can make typos too. I should be a famous author and lawler.
rehabilitard

It is only eBook.
Pandora

Miz, that might be one more source than in the whole delusional rant, oops, I mean book.

American Idol + ANTM + Mad Men + Pop Culture Snark & Pseudo-substance

The Masterpiece is Finally Published!

Subscribe to Top Idol

Fine. Be a fan on Facebook.

Even better. Follow me on Twitter.

Feed Oskar

Get music

Start watching

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

Tags

I like these people

Idol blogs & more

Other stuff I do

Search

Relive the Past

March 2010
M	T	W	T	F	S	S
« Feb				Apr »
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30	31