The Masterpiece is Finally Published!

2010 March 22

by TopIdol

The day we’ve all be waiting for is here! Kerry Kolsch’s investigative tome — Adam Lambert: Second to No One — is finally available for download!

Since we always appreciate it when Kerry comes over to visit, I had no problem giving her $11.97. Sadly, I really wish she would have properly cited me in those few paragraphs regarding Pastor Rolex. Lyndsey, Jim and MJ got quoted. What am I, chopped unglitterly liver? (Of course, I’m only halfway through so, maybe Kerry will come through for me.)

I’m really not sure where to begin with this, but I’ve so far read about Adam Lambert’s voice being akin to the mating sounds of mosquitoes, Philip Stein watches (as seen on OPERA) and how Kris Allen is really, really dull. So dull he’s torturesome, actually.

If Kerry’s theory on Google and overall web trends indicating Adam Lambert as the actual winner of American Idol, wouldn’t this also mean Justin Bieber would also be the greatest-selling singer of all time?

According to Kolsch, Kris Allen’s brother, Daniel, had a large part in this sordid tale of corruption, Christianity, and chicken sandwiches in central Arkansas.

And Kris Allen was also aware this was going on, too?

There’s just so much more in this book that I really do not even know where to begin. It’s nearly 500 pages. There are lots of cow photos…Chik-Fil-A cows, of course. I really need to get back to my reading! Especially since I’ve now reached the section entitled:

It looks like such a quaint little town…but so did Stepford

Spread the word. Do it.

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Idoltard10

OK, I’ve stayed away because this entire situation just opens up old wounds that most of us sane Glamberts have closed. Many of us are now KA fans as well(*gasp!* Kerry is coming to get me for fraternizing with the enemy)! I am not ashamed to say that many AO members also have accounts at KAO and praise Kris and his many accomplishments, and are completely IN LOVE WITH THE KRADAM. Now, that being said, I, and some others, have been in touch with the AO mod about this matter. Several posters promoting the publication of this piece of shit have been banned. Anyone promoting it on AO WILL BE IP LOCKED. Also, they are keeping an eye on it. You better hope this doesn’t take off and/or do any damage to Kris Allen in a professional capacity, because the there are whispers of legal action if it does. I suggest you let it go babe. Get some help. Adam and Kris are friends. They are two totally different artists that are no longer competing. You need to stop this madness before you get yourself into trouble.
Kate123

I don’t feel bad for Adam that he has these freaking insane fans ( or at least not as bad as I probably should) because I kinda feel like in a way they’re emulating his behaviour only to a much more drastic degree.

Like, a random example, Adam decided to insult Susan Boyle and her music. It’s one thing to say that stuff to a friend or in a situation where it doesn’t matter and won’t potentially hurt anyone but it was just so unnecessary and unprovoked. It’s not like Adam and Susan Boyle are similar artists that would be competing. And then he went on to cry “misquote” when people got mad and then called himself sexy in a weird roundabout way.

Like, that behaviour is so bizarre and irrational to me- it’s like his intense fans that go on articles and videos about Kris just to say that he sucks and that Adam is god and should have won. It’s the same thing, Adam and kris are no longer competing, it’s unnecessary…I don’t like adam so I don’t go searching for videos about him or read articles about him, unless they’re talking also talking about someone I do like. But these crazy fans pull out the same excuse, “I’m entitled to my opinion and Adam says that kind of entitlement IS sexy blah blah blah Chris allon is a talentless nobody.” It’s a vicious circle and Adam is totally a part of it (however unwittingly).

Sorry for ranting.
KmKolsch

I have found that some of you here have downloaded my book illegally. You will be hearing from my lawyer. I hate thieves.

Lauren

What proof do you have that anyone downloaded your book illegally? I for one, did not, and Margie payed for it after you threatened her.

w.dark

She paid for it? Seriously?

I’d be more worried that this crazy bitch had my Paypal information than of her empty threats.

I’d also argue that you could win a chargeback, since this is neither a “book” nor literate. . But that’s just me.

Kerry M. Kolsch, suspended lawyer and frequent defendent, is just pissed that her scheme to get rich quick didn’t work. What she doesn’t seem to realize is that people weren’t going to pay for the piece of shit anyway.

Fancy_

I hate lunatics.
Miz

I do too, Kerry. As an artist and writer I’m seriously aggrieved that you are profiting off the work of others.

Don’t bother trying to sue me. I wouldn’t read your ‘book’ if it was gifted to me. I sure as hell wouldn’t download 500 pages of extremely poor writing. I wouldn’t read your book if I was paid to edit it.

With all your extensive knowledge and unimaginable hours of research and superior internet savy, how is it that it’s even possible you missed protecting this masterpiece from being able to be shared? Of course, if it were a real book, there is absolutely nothing that would stop someone from reading it and passing it along to someone else to read … or selling it at a garage sale, or using the pages to start their barbecue grill.
CayKat

You really should be more concerned about your ass getting pinned for all the ridiculous allegations you have made in your “publication”. Your empty and pointless threats to readers of this blog are only met with laughter.

Actually, you know what? Keep it up. The batshit craziness that you provide is one of many sources of entertainment for me so… KEEP IT UP! GREAT JOB! YOUR A STAR!

ryo

Okay okay, last comment tonight but this bit may be my favorite:

“It is one thing to be enthusiastic for the performer you admite, but it is pathetic for fans to attack another performer and their fans in a truly evil and mind boggling way.”

First of all, AHAHAHAHAHAHA at KRIS’S fanbase being the ones to get labeled with that particular reputation. What planet does she LIVE on?

And secondly: what is this ENTIRE BOOK but an attack on Kris and his fans? He’s called countless names and there are countless insinuations about his character and the character of his friends and family. The same with Kris’s fans – this book basically bases its premise on the fact that Kris ONLY has fans that are homophobic assholes. It’s basically one long letter to Kris and his fans about how evil and horrible and rotten she thinks they are.

It’s time to take a look in the mirror, honey.

et

But Kurse Alien is EVIL! It is for the love of Adam that she tries to bring that sneaky bugger to justice. Really it is. 500 pages of babbling bullshit later…

deez

GAHHHHHH!!!! More idiocy!!! Remember the shirtless pics with Daniel Allen’s friends in Memphis? Apparently, this was a slick, subtle marketing maneuver from Daniel Allen (yep, Daniel Allen) to remind us homophobic Southern folk that Adam was GAY!!!! (in order to put the focus of the tour back on Kris). First of all , let me get this outta my system:BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

REALLY, Kerry? REALLY? Do you think people actually needed a REMINDER that Adam was gay? (you don’t think Drake showing up on tour, or the fact that Glamberts never stopped mooing about homophobia may have rendered your supposition useless?)

Oh, another particlar favorite of mine is when she stops to chide a Kris fan for a typo. Holy cow pie! That is like a huge-ass, bigger-than-a-Buick, older-than-the-hills pot calling something bearing a passing resemblance to a kettle, black.

Finally, before I take a break from her lunacy, she takes Mama Allen to task. Someone asked Mrs A how she thought Kris won. Part of her reply said that he was a wholesome, good-looking kid with no skeletons in the closet. So instead of taking this at face value, that Kris was a genuine guy, not some sort of backstabber or somebody we’d discover all sorts of bad things about later, she took it as a jab at Adam for having been “in the closet”. Cuz, you know Mama Allen is an evil Arkansas homophobe, and EVERYTHING means something about Adam.

KK also attributed a “homophobic” quote to Mama Allen when she told Adam’s mom she didn’t like the RS cover (not b/c of Adam) because she didn’t like snakes. KK says that was MEAN and bigoted!! eleventy!!!!!!!!111!!!! HUH? I don’t care for snakes either, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean I’m a homophobe. (maybe she meant Mama A is bigoted towards reptiles?)

JFC. I have to walk away from this for awhile. Stupid people really wind me up.

blacklisted

Come on deez, don’t ya’ know that “Adam took us two steps forward. Arkansas took us one step back.”

blacklisted

BTW, KKK’s 90 year old grandmami had to ‘sustain herself with a bottle of Remy’ while trying to vote for four hours but couldn’t get many votes in. Maybe that’s because the old bag was drunk off her wheelchair!
deez

Oh yeah!! I forgot that part *facepalm*.
Paulie

So in the end that’s still one step forward (following that line of “thought”). And she’s complaining because…?

Miz

Paulie, stop trying to bring math into it! LOL

luckyblackcat

FFS! I normally refrain from commenting here and just lurk. Why is this “Lawyer” harassing and threatening a minor on this site? Reprehensible and reportable.

This is besides the whole point that the badly written snippets I have seen of this piece of shit book are nothing but a fairy tale about Adam losing to Kris. What a joke! Good luck in your quest to overturn the Idol 8 finale, KK. Besides, we all know that VFTW’s votes are what cost Adam the win.

et

Yeah, the whole harassing a minor thing has me more irritable than amused. And Lauren is an Adam fan, no less (and way more sane and mature than most – shoot, probably more mature than me!). I don’t think Adam is going to be handing out any glittery hero sashes to Kerry, lol.

Mugsy

Kerry, Kerry, Kerry. Now, why would you go and threaten a minor? I no likey.

By the way Kerry, you sure have had your ass dragged into court many, many times in the last few years. You sure do have lots of creditors who want to be paid.

http://www2.miami-dadeclerk.com/civil/Search.aspx (search by name)

Fancy_

Wondered what the story was-nobody (in their right mind) lets their license lapse by
not paying $265. in annual dues.
deez

HAHAHAHA! Priceless. Being an internets millionaire sure would come in handy!
J

I can’t get the search to work.

Mugsy

Enter last name, first name. PN stands for plaintiff; DN stands for defendent. Click on Docket to see case details. Many instances as defendent around 2007. Click on book/page to see recorded documents.

Miz

Mugsy, you should get a job at ‘The Smoking Gun’

Speaking of which, how did this huge scandal and tale of corruption get past them? OMG, they are on the payroll TOO! Is nothing sacred.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

Matt Drudge IS a conservative, so…

deez

So here is a paraphrasing of a nice excerpt:

I wonder what Kris’s pastor thought when God gave Kris a gay Jewish man for a roommate? It was probably a good thing since Adam’s influence turned him from a dismal performer to a run-of-the-mill one.

OH so unbiased !!

isidra

Kind of amazing that such a “dismal” performer got all the way into the top 12 before rooming with Adam.
blacklisted

My favorite comment has to be in regards to Adam’s fans being middle aged biddies thus b/c he has more of those 35-70 year olds on his side, he should of won. Apparently this fool doesn’t realize that middle aged fingers ain’t as nimble as the tween ones. By the time those old ladies dialed the number, a 14 year old had already re-dialed and texted 10 times. No wonder Kris dressed up to appeal to the kiddies! So underhanded and calculating that Kres Ollon.

Mithra

I pointed out to Kerry the last time she came here on an earlier blog that there are plenty of posts recorded at VFTW in the season 8 scaryboard point and laugh thread documenting Lambert fans posting on AI official that they wish they voted more but had to go to sleep as they were not used to staying up so late, they fell asleep, etc. I know because I copied a bunch of these posts and put them there. There was a flood of old women begging shocked Glamberts for forgiveness. It was hilarious. I probably voted for VFTW picks like Amy Davis more in two hours than most of Adam’s diehard fans did all season. There were Glamberts attempting to train these old women on how to power vote, how to get cheap cell phones, set up DialIdol, etc. It clearly was too complex. The preferred to sit online all day and post about the glambulge and about their hubbies not understanding and needing to do laundry, the pecan pie they were baking, etc.

Then there was the issue of hubris. They could not fathom Adam not winning, so they were lazy.

CayKat

The irony can been seen in the numerous statements Adam has made about how awesome Kris is as a human being and how well adjusted he is. This Kerry chick is just such a class act!

J

Dear Kerry,
Stop threatening a minor. It just makes you look like a complete ass.

I don’t see how anyone could possibly think they would be able to keep an internet “book” from being passed around. Once someone buys the file and DLs it they can then create a new file or burn a cd and share it with whoever they want. There is no way for Kerry or anyone else to track what someone does with a burned cd or newly created file. Not that I’m suggesting anyone do this. But her threats are simply empty bs and she knows it.
http://www.elizaenchanted.com/blog aeyelle

LMAO I have no words but this:

IS THIS FOR REAL?

Thank you for the entertainment, TI

http://www.elizaenchanted.com/blog aeyelle

Oh, and yeah, decided to delurk cos this Glambert entry was just too much to pass up on commenting. LOL

deez

As for Chick fil A and Kris having this symbiotic relationship…HAHAHAHAHA!!! How did it benefit either of them? Kris didn’t get a big endorsement deal out of it. How does having Kris Allen tweet about his love for a chicken sandwich with 2 crucial pickles do anything for Chick fil A?. Nobody’s gonna see the stupid tweets (or know who he is or what the hell he’s talking about) except for AI fans. That’s gotta be the most ill-conceived back-scratching relationship ever…well maybe not, since it never existed.

Verbally Dyslexic

But deez, didn’t you see the toy cow Kris got from Chick-fil-A that he twit-pic’ed months ago? That’s photo evidence of them being in cahoots, RIGHT THERE!

spinningfasterandfastertonowhere

That toy cow was not a gift…it was a quid pro quo to undermine the voting processes set up by Idol…and everyone knows that Idol’s voting process is perfect.

lol

Where is the media to investigate this? ACORN and the 2000 election was NOTHING compared to this.

spinningfasterandfastertonowhere

…and that toy cow is the evidence.

I rest my case.
deez

The pics she has crack me up, all these people at a small town shindig are throwing toy cows to kids in the crowd. Everyone’s faces are pixelated like the photo evidence in a mob trial; it’s so hilarious!

isidra

She’s protecting them from the shame of voting for Kris Allen!

barado

Perhaps the cow was really stuffed with cash?

8sourcandy

TI, this is very interesting stuff. Aren’t you afraid that by excerpting her book you may encourage, rather than discourage, sales? I really don’t like this book and its self-serving writer. I would hate to see her profit from it.

Verbally Dyslexic

It’ll probably encourage more people to seek out illegal download links. Maybe the Sparkle Cows who are already guzzling the Kool-Aid will buy it, but I highly doubt anyone else will.

oddgirl

I wouldn’t count on Adam getting that stupid microphone trophy anytime soon — Kris said in one of his interviews awhile back that he doesn’t even know where the thing is.

I wouldn’t be so pissed off with this delusional Glambert if she had simply written a nice little tome on how great Adam is. We see all those quickie, cheaply produced biographies written by fantards all the time. But she’s deliberately trying to ruin Kris’s career –despite the lack of any actual evidence that there was voter fraud — or that even if there was (which there wasn’t) — that Kris himself had anything to do with it.

And no, saying that Kris knew about the support he was getting from his home state isn’t evidence. NEWSFLASH, Kerry Kolsch — every Idol contestant gets support from their home state. This is not something that began with Season 8. And if the contestant is from a small(ish) town, she or he is likely to get more suport than someone who is from a bigger city — because the people in that town are more likely to actually KNOW the contestant personally. Oh, the horror that they would actually support someone they live next door to or went to school with or went to church with. Oh, the humanity!!!

And lastly, I saw power voting instructions on fan websites for Kris, Adam AND Danny during Season 8. Personally, I’m against power voting and believe the voting system should be fixed to limit it to 1 vote per phone number per week. But since the same rules are in place for voters of all contestants, there is no advantage given to any particular person.

Oh, and before KK accuses me of being from Arkansas – I grew up in New Jersey, went to college in Kansas and currently live in Los Angeles. And I have never been to Arkansas. And I do not know Kris, Adam or anyone in either of their families.
ryo

LOL oh dear, Adam Lambert’s little brother has managed to get his hands on a copy.

@negativeneil: What the fuck is this book?

This could get interesting. There’s a chapter specifically dedicated to him, yes? I haven’t gotten that far yet.

deez

Yesssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hilarity is sure to come. I must starting checking Negative Neil.

oddgirl

Oh yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! This could be good.

http://topidolblog.com TopIdol

NEIL, DON’T DO PR FOR YOUR BROTHER AGAIN!

I have personal experience with this issue. My little brother is a musician that has performed buck-naked with microphones attached to his body, he has performed covered in glitter and once painted himself blue. the buck-naked performance was at the New World School of the Arts in Miami. He is as incredibly talented as he is theatrical.

Would I ever dare call my brother “weird”? Hell no! My brother is an avant-garde creative genius. There is nothing weird about your brother either Neil.

I knew it. I’ve totally seen her brother before. His name is Jake, right?

CayKat

I find it hard to believe that she has a brother and that he is an artist. Don’t people usually use the word “nude” to describe such things? The use of the term “buck naked” just doesn’t sit well does it?

isidra

Oh, I can’t wait to see what he has to say.

deez

Isidra, resident student of The Law, please inform. Concerning the copyright infringement doohickey that she keeps jawing about, that is an agreement you must enter into before purchasing the book, correct? So, what if one doesn’t purchase the book, but instead happens to fortuitously stumble upon a copy? That lucky person agreed to no such thing and would not be technically bound by the aforementioned thingamajig, right????

isidra

Honestly, IP isn’t my area. In my experience, with copyright, Ms. Kolsch does own her book and the distribution rights, and probably could take legal action against the people sharing her book (though, file-sharing type lawsuits have decreased lately and companies are more inclined to send warning letters to ISPs.)

I don’t think she’d be very successful in going after people who merely downloaded the book though. She probably COULD, but those records are fairly hard to get.

Copyright isn’t an agreement that the reader enters into though, it’s something to protect the author’s rights, and some form of it kicks in as soon as it gets published in any form. So, fortuitously stumbling probably isn’t a defense.

Though I don’t have a copy of the statute in front of me, so I don’t know if there’s an intent requirement. That’s the sort of thing that a worried person should probably speak to a lawyer about. (Though there likely isn’t any need unless/until that person is contacted by a lawyer/sent legal papers.)

deez

LOL. It seems unlikely to me that a person who has written the most moronic tard book of all time, and has expressed interest in becoming an internet millionaire would waste time trying to go after a couple of commenters on a blog. Sounds like a waste of money to me.
isidra

I tend to agree, personally.

But still, if she IS crazy enough, anyone she contacts in a legal capacity should get legal advice from a lawyer before doing anything else.

(I’m actually obligated to say that. Since I’m not a lawyer, I’m not allowed or competent to give real legal advice. I can give an opinion, but it’s very important that no one relies on what I say. Best thing to do is, if the legal issue actually comes up, to contact a lawyer ASAP.)
Lauren

I will do that if she does.

Kerry, if you are here, please contact me in a non-legal capacity first so I can tell you I did not download your book or get an address to send money to if you refuse to believe me.
isidra

Lauren, if she contacts you directly, save a copy of all correspondence for records. And if you do send her money, make sure to get proof of that too. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, you can mail things certified and get a receipt. Or you can send a check, since your bank would have records of her cashing it. I would recommend talking to your parents and seeing what method they would suggest.

This way if she does try something, you’ll have records to back you up.
isidra

By “all correspondence” I mean both what she says to you and what you say back to her.
margie

WTH the link I got emailed came directly from another blog. It’s posted on the main page. This has turned into a nightmare. Why isn’t she going after them? I never posted it here either….ughhhhhh
Lauren

Thanks! I will make sure to do that if the situation arises.
isidra

It’s okay, Margie. You paid, right? Just make sure you keep a record of that.

Actually, what I’d do is go take a screenshot of the part of the comment page where she gave you the ultimatum to buy the book. If she does try to take legal action, then make sure you show that and the record of you paying to your lawyer.

Don’t let her get to you though. She’s using cheap lawyer games to try to scare you. The truth is, when it comes down to it, either she’ll take legal action or not. If she does, then a lawyer will be able to help you. If she doesn’t, then don’t worry about it.

Just keep good records, especially if she contacts you directly. And don’t agree to anything without discussing it with a lawyer (Lauren, too. Though she has some protection being underage.).

It’ll be okay. Just keep that in mind.
Mithra

Certified mail with a reciept, absolutely. I wouldn’t send her a check. Again, it’s an issue of her getting your information or that of your parents. I’d do a money order. Actually, I’d do nothing. She’s nuts and she’s already threatened, harassed, and attempted to extort money out of you, a minor, online. I believe she would need more than your $12 to pay for a lawler if your parents decide to go after her. That is, unless she can get a court appointed attorney or one who would be willing to work pro bono for her defense.
Lauren

Alright thanks guys! I will find that comment and screencap it.
margie

Yes I paid. So all is well then? I don’t need her after me.
isidra

Well, nothing’s 100% when you’re dealing with a crazy person, but hopefully, she’ll be happy with the money.

Just remember to keep records, just in case.
margie

But Isidra I never posted the link or where or who I got it from. I just said it was out there. Lauren didn’t get the link.
Lauren

Yes, Margie deleted the message before I even got an email notification. I think Isidra is just saying sometimes you never know with certain people…
isidra

Honestly, my guess is that she was just trying to scare you into coughing up money (perhaps sales aren’t going as well as she hoped), and she’s wandered off to greener pastures.

I personally think any lawyer worth his salt would laugh her right out of his office if she seriously tried a lawsuit. But still, it’s always best to take a few precautions.
margie

I am not going to worry. I was not the one that downloaded the copy of the book that is available for people to read. But congrats Kerry you got your 12 dollars from me anyway.
margie

I don’t even know the person who did.

wish we had edit. lame plug TI

deez

I’ve been laughing my ass off all afternoon reading Kerry’s hilarious shite. She’s all pissed off about Chick-fil-A employees and AT&T employees backing Kris and voting for Kris. She’s Po’ed at Jeremy Baker, a Little Rock FOX reporter, for backing Kris on air. All this supposedly gives Kris an unfair advantage. How? All these employees are local, the Fox guy is local…it’s not like people in Wyoming are viewing a Little Rock FOX station. The people in Ark were gonna vote for Kris anyway. It’s his HOME STATE doofus, everyone has an advantage in their home state. (home field advantage, anyone? ) Jeebus, so what if the franchise owner of the Conway Chick Fil A is in the pics voting for Kris? He probably lives next door to the Allens, LOL! Who cares anyway? No-one outside of the people at the party knew he was there anyway. (OOOOHHH he created an unfair advantage for Kris Allen at a KRIS ALLEN watch party!!)

All KK’s “facts” are based on Google trends/whatnot, and there’s a whole page of CRAP about polls at Rickey’s( Damn! Now THAT’s conclusive). Excuse me while I LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!111111!!!!11!1

Surely, she entertains no delusions that anyone who reads this bile will for one second believe that she is some impartial arbiter of justice (does she?). She insults the intelligence of anyone who voted for Kris, lives in Arkansas, or doesn’t buy her opinionated bullshit. She’s quite free with the pointy finger, while at the same time coming across as a judgmental, humorless harpy herself. Of course, she will never see the irony.

There is just so much comedy material there, it’s like mining for gold in a jewel encrusted cave of awesomeness.

margie

Well I started a shit storm. TI and Lauren I apologize.

Lauren

No need to apologize to me. I assume you deleted the DM because I never received it. Good call.

margie

yes

oddgirl

People, please don’t buy this book! By giving her your $$$ you are just supporting her delusional sh** and making her believe people actually agree with her. I know you think it’s funny…and sure in a way it is, but you are actually supporting her BSC if you give her $$$.

Oh, and if you are reading this, Ms. Kolsch — before you start threatening legal action against people stealing your writing, you better hope and pray that Kris Allen and his management don’t come after you — because if they decide to, you are going to end up losing a big fat libel suit.

Because, as I predicted, you have no evidence of any cheating — just a bunch of s**t that you’ve made up or taken from articles about how Adam was supposedly the front runner — ignoring the fact that it was DANNY who was the supposed front runner — or at least the co-front runner, for the majority of the season.

If Danny had won, what “evidence” would you have come up to say that he cheated?

You make me sick. What’s more, if Adam knew about you, you’d make him sick, too.

isidra

I might have bought the book at one point. It looked funny.

But after seeing her bully people on this post, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t give one red cent to someone who behaves like that.

There are plenty of other, much less offensive, sources of crazy that I can amuse myself with.

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