SYTYCD Season 6 Finale: I am filled with mirth & Adam Lambert brought Swamp Thing

Ok. So I totally slacked last night and I’m starting 39 minutes late tonight…and I’m shoving Pho down my throat.

Tonight begins with a dramatic montage featuring the final 6 dancers and their shadows. And then there is a group dance, which begins with all the OTHER contestants. The judges are still shoving Mollee Gray down our throats. But this is all just to get everyone in the mood for the Top 6 who come out and strut around. Cat Deeley is gilded, and I realize that there are going to be a zillion Jakob Karr-Adam Lambert flirting backstage rumors after this episode. I should totally call Ok! Magazine or some such shit with some insider information.

I also miss Legacy. I don’t really care who wins tonight, as I like all the finalists. They all deserve it. But you know who I can’t stand? Jennifer Lopez. Never liked that mediocre, self-entitled closet $cientologist. Plus, she peaked in 98-99. Only decent movie — Out of Sight. Only decent song — If You Had My Love. Only decent historic fashion moment — the open-faced Versace muumuu.

Apparently I missed some good dancing last night. At least some acrobatic stuff. People were doing crazy tosses and leaps! Russell made Mary cry and we got to see the married Ashleigh and Ryan dance together. I am not actually sort of pissed at myself for not watching it last night and am tempted to stop the finale and watch the performance show!

The Judges Want to See Their Favorite Dances Again

Lil C
Tabitha & Napoleon — Beggin’ (Madcon)
Kevin Hunte, Legacy Perez and Russell Ferguson

Oooh! I remember this one. This was pretty badass. I think its even better this time around. I do kind of love these guys. And I don’t even care how cheesetastic this sounds, but when I watch Russell dance, that big grin on his face, I am filled with mirth.

Adam Shankman
Sonya Tayeh — Tore My Heart
Ellenore Scott and Jakob Karr

I remember this one. I remember loving the song more than anything. I want to go download everything in Sonya Tayeh’s iTunes, actually. That would make me happy. Jakob is insanely flexible. And it soooo does not surprise me Shankman’s favorite routine included Jakob! In fact, I am now speculating a BACKSTAGE LOVE TRIANGLE between Shankman-Lambert-Karr.

Nigel Lythgoe
Take the A Train (Ella Fitzgerald)
Phillip, Peter and Bianca — The TAPPERS

1980s British Hair brings back the tappers because he loves them so much. Even though he cut them nearly all in a row. Bianca makes me want to do 1000 crunches. This dance was also from the SYTYCD Top 20 Just For Fun Show, which makes me realize that we’re already at the end and PAULA ABDUL NEVER SHOWED UP!!! This makes me sad.

(Side note — Interesting supplemental movie marketing targeting females involving Avatar’s Sigourney Weaver and Zoe Saldana.)

Mary Murphy
Straight To…Number One (Touch & Go)
Ashleigh Di Lello and Ryan Di Lello

Mary is in love with love. Which is why she favored the married couple. This song is about as annoying as that Cha Cha Slide shit…is there some terrible group dance 8th graders do at their cotillion classes designed in tandem with this song that I do not know about? And I get the distinct impression Ryan and Ashleigh sometimes do this at home. Oh. And I’m convinced Ryan is Hugh Jackman’s long-lost American little brother.

Leona Lewis sings the Avatar theme. Ok, Glamberts, I’m gonna let you in on a little not-so-secret-secret. James Horner score + James Cameron movie + Guilty pleasure big-voiced female ballader with ambiguous ethnicity = OSCAR GOLD! Well, if only it were 1997, perhaps, because this song ain’t so good. In fact, it’s as forgettable as what, what was that song? Oh yeah. Time For Miracles.

Was it just me or did Ms. Lewis sound a bit off this evening?

After the 25th commercial break, some people called the Groovaloos show up. They’re all well and good and stylized with quirk and irony, but I just wanna get this crap over with. But damn, could guy-in-red-hat spin on his head. Damn.

Nigel Lythgoe
Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhodin — Unchained Melody (Michael Buble)
Jakob Karr & Kathryn McCormick

This is from last night, right? Two of the most gifted dancers you’ve ever had on this show, huh? While I like Jakob, don’t we have one like him every season? Wow. I simply cannot stand Michael Buble. Please. Stop desecrating classic songs, numbnuts. Maybe I should have been paying attention more, because I wasn’t blown away-blown away.

Tyce DiOrio
Bollywood
Mollee Gray and Nathan Trasoras

Oh no…as soon as he said Bollywood, I JUST KNEW WE WOULD SUFFER. Just had to stick these two on the show for their “fans”, didn’t you? I think I recall them bastardizing this, which pissed me off.  Mollee Moron fails to infuse any real Bollywood spirit into this damn routine. I really hope tonight is that last time I ever see her on my TV.

There is a HUGE mic fail for everyone on set. It’s actually pretty funny. Cat Deeley can just pull that sort of thing off, you see, because she is CAT DEELEY and she is a GODDESS. Anyway, is anyone else FINALLY excited that they’re finally eliminating someone tonight.

NOOOOOOO. Russell messed up his leg! The poor guy is in tears he’s in so much pain. I don’t even think its an elaborate ruse, I mean, duh. The votes have been cast. And yes, my sensitive side gets affected by this sort of thing. I also am touched when I see Ryan Jackman helping Russell on stage. Not that I want anyone to go home.

#6 Ryan Di Lello
Yeah…I totally saw this coming. And Cat is sweet for not making him get off stage when he’s holding up Santy Krump. Ryan knew he would come in 6th. He’s totally fine with that. I hope he gets a full-time gig on Dancing With The Stars. I won’t watch it, but I hope he gets more exposure on that show. He’s perfect for it. And he’s just happy he got to dance with his #1 lady on the SYTYCD stage.

THE MOMENT YOU PEOPLE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!! THE GLITTERY GOD FROM PLANET FIERCE LANDED IN HIS SPECIAL FIERCE SPACESHIP WITH HIS HEAD EMBLAZONED ON THE SIDE.

It reminds me of the new V.

I have now realized they are promoting the hell out of Whataya Want From Me as the “big single” because its not a crotch-centric song. That’s why TBTB were fine with letting the titular For Your Entertainment die. As I’ve said before, I’m fine with it, though. Because I actually like this song.

I am also excited by the fact Swamp Thing has joined Lambert on stage. He’s perched upon his shoulder, ready to sing backup. When I was a very young child, Swamp Thing was MY FAVORITE MOVIE. Adrienne Barbeau…where art thou?

Ok. We’re an hour into it and we’ve only lost one dancer. We still haven’t suffered through J. Lo (Please oh please oh please oh please say she falls on her ass again.) and we’re onto the entire season montage. These people look vaguely familiar and Tyce DiOrio is all Broadway bitch. And I miss Mia Michaels. And Legacy! Legacy!

I also feel choked up whenever I see Cat Deeley getting choked up. I can’t help it. I’m such a sap. And I hope Russell isn’t seriously hurt. Poor guy is sitting on a stool.

#5 Ashleigh Di Lello
Well…she can go hang out with her husband now. Actually, before she goes to Ryan, I want her to have a chit chat with her mom about her hair. Her mother’s hair frightens me.

For some reason I like Ashleigh even though she thanks God a lot. Okay, let’s hurry this crap up. We’re past the hour mark. Time to pick up the pace. When is Wanda Sykes on? I don’t think I knew she had a talk show. Why are people so

Adam Shankman
Travis Wall — Machine Gun (Portishead)
Ellenore Scott and Legacy Perez

YESSSS!!! I knew they would bring back this awesomeness. This entire routine was SICK. And I do agree with Shankman — I hope Travis Wall gets an Emmy nomination for that number. Probably one of the most memorable routines of the entire show–all seasons

Debbie Allen
Frog Dance (Mickey Hart & Planet Drum)
Noelle Marsh and Russell Ferguson

YES! YES! YES! I do love it when Debbie Allen shows up. And since Russell is hurt, we get to watch a recording of the original. I hope we get to hear Debbie Allen talk more, though. I simply adore the wisdom of Debbie Allen.

And then there were four…

#4 Ellenore Scott
Hey, I’m just glad she made it this far. I liked her too much, therefore, she wasn’t long for this world…yet, she made it this far! Oh, Ellenore. I’m sure this won’t be the last time I’ve seen you. Ellenore. Wow. You’re just so cool. I really cannot believe you are in the same age bracket as Mollee Gray.

And since we’re down to Kathryn as the final girl, I’m going to make a guess and say its Russell vs. Jakob for Numero Uno, given that she may be deemed too similar to Jeanine Mason. Not sure, but I loved Jeanine. And I grew to really enjoy Kathryn.

Lil C
Crying (k.d. lang)
Arianna, Channing Cooke, Nathan Trasoras and Jakob Karr

An orgy of majestic contemporary artistry…Yup, Lil C. I agree. Or its a cross-branded Massengil and late 1990s Gap advertisement.

PLEASE TELL ME HOW THERE IS TIME FOR TWO ELIMINATIONS, TWO DANCES, MARY J. BLIGE AND JENNIFER LOPEZ FALLING ON HER ASS? THERE ARE 34 MINUTES LEFT!

Mary Murphy
Tabitha & Napoleon – I Can Transform You (Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne)
Russell Ferguson and Kathryn McCormick

More tape! Poor Russell. But hey, I heard this was a killer routine so I’m glad I get to see it. Plus, its a good thing Nappy Tabs were able to KIND OF redeem themselves. Ok. I gotta say…I just love watching Kathryn and Russell dance. I really, really do. MIRTH! I’m filled with it. And I don’t care if its Chris Brown. Downloading this song. And I might just buy myself a Cat Deeley Necklace from QVC!!! (It’s clearly meant to be worn as costume jewelry…unlike Paula Abdul’s…makes no sense, but you know what I mean. You hear me. You get it. You see where I’m coming from.

Mary J. Blige performs. I hope she is pissed that she’s not the final singer. Jennifer Lopez should be hiding on Long Island with Skeletor and the Dragon Twins. BTW, I totally think Benny Ninja choreographed those dancers behind her. It’s the only explanation…hmmm…they are moving too fast. I still want to blame Benny Ninja.

Nigel Lythgoe
Wade Robson — Comanche (The Rebels)
The Top 20

Why did Debbie Allen only get ONE pick? And yes, we get it. Everyone loved the Top 20 Just For Fun episode. Plus, its an easy way to let everyone do something…whoa. Is this taped? BECAUSE I SEE RUSSELL DANCING!!! Nah…that shit was totally taped, as there are only three judges at the table. So did they have to scrap all the live numbers because of his injury?

Okay. I give in. This was a pretty sick number. And I really want Russell to win.

#3 Kathryn McCormick
Told you so. Told you so. Told you so. Oh, Kathryn, you still rock. Please don’t make me watch clips of you crying…because I totally love you now. Plus, you know I have a soft spot for my brunette gals. The only blonde who belongs on STYCD is Cat Deeley, dammit!

OH. MY. FRAKING. FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER. You have got to be kidding me.

Does anyone actually like this bitch? SHE IS LIP SYNCING A PHONE CALL TO SANTA!! WHO LIP SYNCS TO SANTY CLAUS??? SHE IS LIP SYNCING A PHONE CALL WHILE WITHING IN A GIANT STILETTO!!!

(I also hate songs about brand name/designer items. Plus we all know this idiot just wants free shoes since she’s slipped into irrelevancy. And those aren’t real Rockettes. They are former contestants. Granted, I do not notice this until J. Lo says so, so I rewind. I think I spy POWDER!)

Or was it Mollee? I couldn’t tell the difference. You know those girls won’t get more than a 1 second closeup with Lopez on stage. Well, regardless. That shit was just all around excruciating.

DECISION TIME…no way? Finally? Really?

Awwww…Jakob helps Russell to the stage. My icy heart melts instantly. 1980s British Hair starts making an allegory about polished diamonds (Jakob) and unpolished diamonds (Russell). This is the part when I say…THEY BOTH WON. THEY WILL BOTH BE SUCCESSFUL. EVERYONE IS A WINNER. Montage time…awwww…Santy Krump…Crazy Mary Cries…Jakob backflips…Russell talks Dot.)

And the winner is…

RUSSELL RUSSELL RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!

He is so excited he walks without help. And rips his shirt off! How Brandi Chastain of him! While he is screaming in the midst of excessive confetti…he goes to the ground…he cries…he shouts to GOD GOD GOD. He makes fellow krumper Kevin Hunte get up on stage!

Shankman looks upset. Alas. And now he has to go backstage and fight for Jakob’s heart against Adam Lambert! Meanwhile, I totally have to go hunt down Side Street and G-Fam. And where is Russell’s girlfriend? I want to see her. His family rules. Especially his lil bro’s afro. That is bad ass.

I hope Jakob Karr is okay. He’ll be fine, I know it. The dude is mad talented. So does Russell’s leg still hurt? I’m glad he winced when Cat said injured. Of course, if I won $250,000 and the title of America’s Favorite Dancer, I would probably let adrenaline take over and not notice that shit, either.

Jakob Karr and The Two Adams rumors in 3…2…1…