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The Worst Beefcake Calendar in the History of Time

2009 September 28
tags: , , ,
by TopIdol

Greasy Constantine Maroulis, of AI and VD fame, is currently appearing in Broadway’s Rock of Ages.

The men of Rock of Ages made a beefcake calendar for 2010 where they’re all kind of naked. Somehow, I don’t think this shit is going to be out-selling the annual FDNY calendar, do you?

This monstrosity will burn your eyes…yet it is also screaming for a good Photoshop — and a massive cocktail of penicilin and Valtrex.

Constantine Maroulis in the 2010 Rock of Ages calendar

I apologize for making you see that, however, I saw it and wanted other people to feel MY pain.

But I feel bad for doing it. So look at this again and wash it all away.

Jon Hamm is hot as hell

All better, right?

from → American Idol

  • Zara

    Why do you all hate yourselves so much that you’ve resigned to live your lives trash talking about a person you don’t like? Five years of this crap…really? No, I haven’t been reading your shitty site for that long. I visited once last week and now I am seeing this. That’s really sad. You are grown-ups now, you should act like it. How can you continue pursuing a life of disgust? You are making yourselves sick. Try happiness for once and not at the expense of another human being. FYI happiness doesn’t come from a picture happiness comes from within.

  • retaingvomit

    Lol, Tops u are just too funny for words fyi Mark is a huge con fan. I swear I think hes gay because I have followed his past comments about this douche. 5 yrs ago I wouldve been drooling at this but he looks like a dirty old man and he is hairy ewe!!! Omg teen hormones are stupid; for record da dirty bastard is also very gay lol tries to repell it by nailing teenage girls …he looks like a homeless dirty old man who was unfortunately beaten and stripped of his clothes lol!!!!

  • girl from mars

    I just keep envisioning a Beefsteak calendar, with pictures of steak for every month. Still more attractive than Constantine, and I’m a vegetarian.

    • TopIdol

      Beefsteak tomatoes every month. Plus…I love meat but I also love tomatoes. And that’s all I keep picturing now.

  • kc

    WHY??? WHY???

  • Mark

    Oh, my God, get a clue! Are you really all that dense?

    The calendar is a spoof on beefsteak calendars, featuring the cast characters from “Rock of Ages”, the hottest musical on Broadway. This is not about the actors, it’s about the ROLES they play in the show. It was created for charity purposes. All proceeds are going to a wonderful cause, Broadway Cares, to support HIV/AIDS funding.

    Now look ashamed.

    • TopIdol

      It may be a spoof but that doesn’t change the fact Constantine Maroulis is disgusting. The whole show is a spoof—Why wouldn’t the calendar be a joke, too?

    • http://www.idletard.com Idletard

      I wonder which Confrau ‘Mark’ is. Vicky? Cheryl Douche?

    • on the edge

      Forgive me for being nit-picky, but it’s not “beefSTEAK,” idiot. It’s beefCAKE. BEEFCAKE! [/Cartman]

      • kc

        LMAO!! Based on that mistake, I’ll double-down on Judyes as the frau masquerading as “Mark.”

        • http://www.idletard.com Idletard

          Shouldn’t she be singing to a parrot somewhere?

          • TopIdol

            She’s eating a BLT (with Beefsteak tomatoes) at that diner where all the waitresses just LOVE CONSTANTINE!!!

    • wino

      mmmmm, a beef steak does sound good right now mark. thanks for ruining my diet! jerk ;)

  • deez

    I like to picture Jon in a Cardinals’ uniform.

    Preferably the “Kyle Farnsworth” fit:

    http://media.photobucket.com/image/kyle%20farnsworth/dodgersrule18/farns.jpg

  • Isidra

    Oh…my eyes.

    (Second one is a nice antidote, though.)

  • on the edge

    Saw your tweet, and no you didn’t do anything wrong. Now, if you could just edit the above and replace the picture with an avatar saying “insert greasy douchebag’s picture here.” NO not the second picture! Mmmmm no, that one’s fine where it is. Suddenly I’m in the mood for a ham sandwich…

  • girl from mars

    OK, OK, I’ll save the strip, as long as he puts his clothes back on! A paper bag over the head would be great too!

  • deez

    Ewwwwww. Well, the plus side is that I no longer have any appetite for the egg mcmuffin that I should not have purchased to begin with.

  • Sherena

    Hot.

  • Verbally Dyslexic

    OH MY EYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

    Even John Hamm can’t undo the damage because my kneejerk reaction to that image above him was to stab my eyes with a fork. Multiple times.

  • http://www.idletard.com Idletard

    PS note the subtle visual lure to the frauen; fake animal print. That will get them waddling in.

  • http://www.idletard.com Idletard

    I find it very amusing that he’s holding a sign that is so big. And yet he’s hiding something so insignificantly small.

    Gherkin sized, really.