What About Paula?

So Paula Abdul’s manager is saying she will most likely not be back for the ninth season of Idol.

Probably just part of the contract negoatiations, after all, talking head Seacrest scored $45 million for three years, and didn’t Simon secure $100 million or something? Of course, Paula wants her money. I would want my money…even if we all can agree their salaries are ridiculous for a few hours of spouting off nonsense every week.

I’m sure they pay Randy the least, but he doesn’t care, because Randy is just happy someone wants him around. If someone can find me one person who claims Randy Jackson is their favorite judge while also offering compelling evidence regarding any use he may have to the show, please, send them over. If they can provide a strong enough argument, maybe I will buy them a stunning piece from the Paula Abdul Jewelry Collection. After all, Paula may “need” the money if those pesky contract negotiations are not ironed out by oh, August 6th, when the judges finally go around to the audition cities and “judge” people.

And hello? I thought I read Kara DioGuardi was not coming back. Maybe I dreamed that one happy night. I was hoping we could just leave Shit-For-Brains in Maine for oh, eternity.

But really, I would be sad if Paula were gone. Paula may be batshit crazy at times, but the woman has a heart. And she actually does offer some pertinent criticism every once in awhile, even in those hazy halcyon days of Percocet-tinged yore. Randy just shouts the same damn thing out all the time and Kara cannot count for shit, as well as a bunch of other crap I cannot even list off the top of my head.

But Paula, you see, Paula is good people. The contestants love Paula. The viewers may roll their eyes, but they love the Simon-Paula banter. Paula loves animals. She may make jewelry which turns your skin green and say things no one else understands at times, but we all have our faults.

I say stupid things all the time. On this blog. In emails. In face-to-face conversation. I can’t hate on Paula for sometimes saying stupid things. She only says them part of the time, unlike Randy and Kara, who are physically unable to utter anything which does not fall into the stupid category.

Paula pioneered the sitting-in-the-middle-reality-TV-show judge role. Look at Mary Murphy on SYTYCD. Look at all the female judges on international versions of Idol. They are women with in the 38-48 age range, with big brown hair, over-the-top jewelry and/or cleavage, and play the role of good cop when it comes to telling the contestants what’s up. The reason there are so many judges in that vein are because of one woman who once danced with a cartoon named MC Skat Cat.

I’m sure Paula will come back, if she doesn’t, it will be Idol’s loss. And frankly, with faltering ratings and plummeting relevancy & popularity in the realm of pop culture, it would seem to be a pretty ignorant move on the producers’ part.

But for now, let’s pay tribute to Paula in pictures. Here are a couple of my favorites from last season.

Spread the word. Do it.