Kris Allen isn’t bitter, just has a brain and doesn’t want to talk to ignorant paparazzi
TMZ posted some paparazzi video of Kris Allen, his guitar, and plush red neck pillow at LAX. When queried about American Idol’s falling ratings, the Season 8 winner used something called logic and replied the show should maybe be canceled.
Yes. It should.
But TMZ wants to imply that Kris Allen must be bitter about the show since his latest album, Thank You Camellia, is only slated to sell between 15,000-20,000 during its first week. The paparazzi also asks Allen if he feels HOWARD STERN is to blame for the show’s failing ratings. Kris Allen then looks at the guy as if he’s a total moron schmuck because in fact, he is a total moron schmuck. (Is that what happens on America’s Got Talent? Howard Stern sits around and bashes American Idol? Does everyone have satellite radio now and I missed the memo? Huh? Where does this thought process even originate?)
My only advice for Kris Allen is to lose the neck pillow, but if they help him sleep better on the flight, then more power to him. I look forward to more snarky smug looks from him in the future.
And so far, over 73% of those who responded in TMZ’s very scientific reader poll about whether or not American Idol should be canceled weighed in with a big fat YES.
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Tonight, after two hours of also-rans and WAY TOO MANY HASHTAGS, the inevitable crowning of Philip Phillips as the new American Idol happened. And while it WAS a little touch & go there for awhile, we all knew how it was going to go down in the end, right?
So the only way you can win this show is if you’re a WGWG — an acronym that may actually expand its lexicon because as we know, the fifth time is the charm — or maybe just…an underdog. Since David Cook’s defeat of David Archuleta, there’s been one WGWG after another. In the end of that season, the public preferred Cook’s reworkings of popular songs over Archuleta’s slick trained-for-this-since-birth routine.
Even if it is middle-aged women doing the majority of the voting, other votes count, too. And when judges’ fave Adam Lambert consistently knocked it out of the park week after week, he didn’t have to take any risks. Kris Allen was the underdog, who turned it on right when it counted. In the end, the public doesn’t enjoy being told who to vote for and since this show “prides” itself on “finding the most talented singers in the nation,” people want to believe their winning contestant is the one who deserved it more. The home-grown, diamond-in-the-rough, yeah…that one.
Really don’t know how to explain Crystal Bowersox losing to Lee DeWyze except for the fact it IS middle-aged women voting for this and he had a guitar and a penis. White Girls With Guitars can’t win? Perhaps some people were turned off my Crystal’s consistent front-runner status and distracted by the fact it was Simon’s last turn at the table. They might just scratch that season from the record books one day. Who knows.
Last year, Scotty McCreery took it over Lauren Alaina not just because he was a WGWG, but because he was a high school student who seemed like a regular high school student. Alaina was pimped alongside her RIDICULOUS stage mom from the get-go. A stage mom who allowed her to skip homework to do karaoke at the local bar. The average viewer finds none of this appealing — especially when you’re talking high school kids. But the kid who’s bagging groceries after baseball practice and expresses effusive admiration for his favorites teachers, this resonates with people.
Ironically, Lauren is still trying to finish her high school degree via correspondance classes. Scotty, who posted an impressive platinum debut album could easily keep building upon his newfound country stardom yet, he’s decided to take some time off from music and…attend North Carolina State University. Guess he’s just a normal kid, after all.
So is it really a surprise the effectively robotic Jessica Sanchez lost? A homeschooled diva-in-training raised on all the worst of Celine-Whitney-Mariah in preparation for the American Idol stage — for her entire life? A career. So while Phil Phillips has a penis and a guitar, he also has a job in his family business, in the same small town he was raised, and gets on quite well with his laid-back parents who seem to just want their son to be happy, regardless of what path he chooses in life.
Maybe most people tend to root for the perceived underdog. Maybe some long for a Choose Their Own Adventure Horatio Algar story. The show is called American Idol for evocative reasons — you’re not just voting for your favorite contestant, you’re voting for who’s got the biggest American dream and who truly deserves it. If you’re idea of an “American dream” is grooming your child into something YOU always wanted to be and stopping at nothing until this happens, then you’re perfect for Toddlers & Tiaras. American Idol may be an absolute shit show, but if you’re watching it and voting, you’re still buying what its selling. And more than anything, its selling wide-eyed, small-town kids with real lives and big dreams — not the kids who have trained for this since they started walking.
RECAP TO FOLLOW RECAP TO FOLLOW RECAP TO FOLLOW: Sorry everyone, but Amtrak has a no American Idol policy! Er, something like that. My DVR, however, is keeping it warm and I’ll be back to fill you in on all the Finale nonsense — including the Ace Young & Diana DeGarmo marriage proposal? $50 says Seacrest has a new reality show on E! along the lines of…”Idol Matrimony.”
After an hour and a half of yoga, I may be zen enough to sit through two hours of American Idol nonplussed, but what fun would that be? Tonight there are two, the final two tributes, battling it out in the arena Kodak Theatre. District 12 Georgia’s plucky-but-injured Philip Phillips versus an unfeeling career named Jessica Sanchez. I know some of you may want a girl to win it all, since Phil Squared is rather an amalgamate of the previous five WGWG winners — can we go back and just give it to Crystal Bowersox — but couldn’t it have been any other of this season’s female contestants standing here? Perhaps one who have lived a little — or at least doesn’t look like they would cut a snitch. Who is the underdog? The WGWG who sounds a little too much like Dave Matthews and has serious kidney problems? Or the trained-since-birth teenage robot raised on Beyonce and Mariah and has serious kindness-to-people problems?
[The first 10 minutes were not DVR-ed] Phil Phillips — Stand By Me
If the judges want to lambast P2 for eliminating the melody, they could go to town on this one. Digging in more vocally, and sounding raspier while doing so (Does anyone else keep looking to see if the whites of his eyes are jaundiced? And how often does Jessica Sanchez go near any of his food or beverage?), well…this could put Jack Johnson to sleep. Those backup singers look mighty drowsy, no?
It seems we’re not regaled by the judges talking ad nauseum in the immediate post-performance space. It must be killing them, you know. The cameras are likely not showing them playing on their phone. Jennifer Lopez is playing Words With Friends with her little boytoy named after the Friendly Ghost. She only spells JLO or Diva or Lopez or Jenny or Block or Louboutin or Me or ComeBackToMeBenAffleck, so obviously games with Miss Thang don’t get very far.
Oh wait! This is the problem with pausing the DVR. Black Swan La Lopez has a fresh spray tan and when asked to whom she believed took Round 1, she babbles on some nonsense and then Randy has to step in and say, definitively, that Jessica won Round 1. Steven Tyler probably has no idea where he is right now.
Because there is A LOT of time to kill, Jason Derulo (sans neck brace!) + folding chair duet in something called Undefeated which is brought to you from Coca Cola. It’s entirely forgettable, and its really only worth watching to see if Derulo re-injures his neck and to be reminded that once upon a time, Coca Cola launched a brand of clothing and judging by the backup dancers, they may have reached far back into the rectum of 90s nostalgia to bring it on back.
Jessica Sanchez — The Prayer
What the hell song is this? Not only is this another trite as all hell ballad, its called THE PRAYER. They lyrics are mostly indescipherable as Jessica turns melisma into a solid mumble up until the bridge. The song sounds vaguely familiar. Pretty sure I heard it during the previews before they turn the lights down at the movie theater. It is terribly dull and entirely soulless. Listen kid, closing your eyes and yelping real loud does not mean you feel something.
It’s official. I would vote for Lauren Alaina’s MOTHER before Jessica Sanchez. Even Jessica’s tour-mates seem to despise her. That poor Brackensick kid looks in fear of his life! During his brief stay in the Idol Manse, he would likely wake in cold sweats to find Jessica standing over him.
Phil Phillips — Movin’ Out
Phil is doing Billy Joel again, and yes, he has removed the melody. But not as much as Stand By Me…but still gotta give him some credit for doing something different to the song. And Sexy Sax Girl is there but she’s playing the soprano sax, which is the least-cool saxophone. The grittier P2′s voice is, the less sounds like Dave Matthews tonight. And this is a good thing. He’s also giving it a 100% when if TMZ stories are to be believed, he should be doubled over in pain.
Phil Phillips is likely pissing blood. And this is ample reason you should vote for him. Naturally, the judges give him Round 2.
Jessica Sanchez — Change Nothing
This is the song Jessica will record if she wins American Idol. Ironically, its called Change Nothing, exceedingly appropos considering Clove has changed nothing from performance to performance. It is impossible to discern whether or not she or the song is flat. Let’s call both, shall we? It’s a subpar song about being in a relationship no one understands. It would be better if the song was about singing songs the singer doesn’t understand. She clearly believes this is showcasing her “Whitney-like” vocals but its one of the most forgettable of the forgettable Idol coronation songs. Only points go to the fact its not about HAVING FAITH IN BELIEVING IN YOUR INNER SELF BY LOOKING TOWARDS THE LIGHT.
The judges hate the song but then start gushing over how much soul Jessica has — THE BAD SEED HAS NO SOUL. And I just realized this show is ONLY ONE HOUR. Because Idol has to use their 2-hour slot tomorrow. Ahhh. I see. Oh well, less pain tonight, more tomorrow. Anyway, Jessica says if she makes an album its going to be more urban, more HER. How can she make an album more HER when she has no idea who SHE is? Oh, the conundrum!
Phil Phillips — Home
Sharing a name with a recent Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes hit might be a mistake, even as arbitrary as Home is as a title. As far as an Idol coronation song goes — WHOA. This is an Idol coronation song? As far as Idol coronation songs go, this is by far the best I’ve ever seen or heard on this show. Its almost unbelievable. It’s almost…Mumford & Sons. There’s a marching band. GODDAMMIT RANDY. Why did you have to ALSO evoke Mumford & Sons. JLo proves how she’s an idiot by saying there’s nothing on the radio that sounds like it. (Uh, Mumford & Sons) Steven says some canned stuff from his script to prove he is deft with the multisyllabic stuff.
Still a bit in shock as hell, Home could ACTUALLY be a hit. Going through the performance recaps, I’m a bit thankful I missed Jessica’s tired Whitney Houston rendition. When played back to back, it just shows how little performance range she has. Sure, Phil’s three songs are guitar-driven softish rock but his coronation song is seriously the best thing even done in the Idol coronation realm. Shocked, in all actuality, as the bar set for these tunes are pretty damn low (See NO BOUNDARIES).
Phillip and Jessica pretend to like one another. Its sort of painful, but Phillip does a better job with it. The more they let Phillip’s aw shucks shine through, the more of a disservice is done to Jessica Sanchez. He’s more likable the more he talks, and she, well, she…just admit it. She couldn’t sing Call Me Maybe and make it believable. Rebecca Black’s Friday? Nope. Not that one, either. It requires authenticity and frankly, how do you really understand what Friday means when you’ve been homeschooled for your singing career since birth?
Give it to Philip. Not just because he’s pissing blood. (Jessica has probably drawn blood but I should stop saying she would shank anyone who dare cross her path until I have definitive proof. Don’t wanna be starting rumors!) But because he actually just performed the only pretty awesome Idol coronation song ever in the history of the damned show. Did I mention he’s probably pissing blood? VOTE PHILIP PHILLIPS!
But seriously, Phil, if your kidney stones are that bad, PLEASE get surgery as soon as you’re crowned the victor. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not pick up your new Ford.
Scotty McCreery also showed up to sing the goodbye song. He seems like such a nice boy, and Jeremy Rosado was so happy to see him perform. Jeremy Rosado, remember him…no?
Sooooo…who do you think is gonna win?
Upon checking my Instagram this morning, I couldn’t help but let out a legitimate chuckle at Kris Allen’s latest photo, a screen-cap from an iTunes downloads chart.
I have no idea if Kris Allen saw the hilarity in leading his Season 9 runner-up Adam Lambert, or was just happy to be sitting in a comfortable spot in the Top 10 whenever this chart was grabbed. It is the first day people can buy Thank You Camellia, the followup to his self-titled debut. Hell, he’s a nice guy. He probably wanted to help his old buddy out by whipping his fans into a frenzy upon seeing such horror over something so arbitrary. (And don’t even tell me some endless thread on some LiveJournal site hasn’t already been making top-bottom jokes in between penning album-release-day slash.)
Adam Lambert’s Trespassing has been out a week and has already sold between 70,000-80,000 copies. Whether or not he has a #1 album will be known tomorrow when Billboard releases the final sales tallies.
Lambert’s Trespassing will likely sell more albums given its broader marketing and pop appeal, so please, don’t even attempt to school me with historic numbers, Google trends, and anything else you idiots think of. And by idiots, yes, I am referring to a majority of Glamberts who have been spending an awful lot of time rating and reviewing his album. 3250?! Are you kidding me? Sitting in the top spot is uber-douche John Mayer and he only has 546 ratings. Tenacious D has 646. But Adam Lambert has…3250?! Wait. It’s now at 3252. You people are still nuts, aren’t you? There MUST be an organized effort to give 5 Stars so THE MUSIC INDUSTRY WILL RECOGNIZE WHAT A MUSIC PHENOM ADAM LAMBERT REALLY IS. Few artists are even close to that number, although I must say I DID breathe a sigh of relief when witnessing over 43,000 ratings for Adele’s 21. And how long has that album been out again?
Forcing me to go to the Community section of Adam Official now, aren’t you? (NOTE TO SONY: Please hire someone who knows about experience design to start mapping out your artist websites. Also, page load is ridiculous. You need to better optimize on-site graphics for all browsers. And NO ONE uses white-on-black text for content-heavy sites anymore.) There’s an entire section devoted to this sort of thing, including a large effort to increase views of Lambert’s videos. Not saying all fans don’t do this sort of thing…well, most um, don’t. But American Idol fans are a whole other breed.
And in case you were wondering, I have yet to listen to Thank You Camellia but I DID listen to Trespassing last week. Reviews of both of these albums to follow but needless to say, I enjoyed it and have no problem admitting it. Definite improvement over For Your Entertainment, although Better Than I Know Myself would have not been my choice for a first single. Obviously trying to capture a tiny bit of something off the minor success of Whataya Want From Me, Better Thank I Know Myself just doesn’t grab you the way other tracks–such as Cuckoo–does. Instead of playing it safe by something so tailored for the Hot Adult Contemporary realm, why not try to FULLY position Lambert as a sort of Mika 2.0? Just go with the gay for chrissake.
Three down. Two more weeks to go…ugh. Is it just me, or has the 11th season of American Idol seemed unusually long. Do I care who wins? Not really. Phil Phillips looks miserable standing up there or perhaps its nerves, Jessica Sanchez looks smug and evil, and Joshua Ledet beams with pride. Let’s give it to Joshua, shall we? Jessica will already get at least one album and the eventual minor supporting role in a feel-good late-summer release about inner city teens and their life-changing teacher and/or talent competition. And then hopefully, we’ll never see her again, as Miss Sanchez’s very breath is tied into effusive, unwarranted praise. She will move to the Philippines. Phil Phillips just wants out. Joshua is filled with joy. He just wants to sing, sing, sing.
Judges’ Choice
Randy chose Joshua’s first song, because they’re both black. Yup. You heard me. Randy calls Etta James’ I’d Rather Go Blind as “something of a classic on this show.” Translated into non-Randy speak = it’s one of the only [retro r&b] songs we have rights to that hasn’t been sung this season. Anyway, Sexy Sax Girl is doing her thing in the horn section. She’s the only blond so you cannot miss her. Joshua uses a color-coordinated retro-inspired mic which is pretty cool, as his the ensemble it matches. It’s a typical Joshua performance, he sings it like he was back in the gospel choir. La Lopez claims they STRUGGLE in choosing the right song for everyone while Steven Tyler rattles off whatever they told him to say in his typical unconvincing manner.
Smartly or somewhat coincidentally, Joshua’s performance leads into the new Kraft “Anything” Dressing ad from TBWA/Chiat Day. Which just happens to sound an awful lot like I’d Rather Go Blind.
Anyone else completely forget the names Erica van Pelt and DeAndre Brackensick? Because I totally did. But nice to see them and the other people (ELISE TESTONE).
Jennifer Lopez chose Jessica Sanchez’s song, Mariah Carey’s My All, because she thinks the world needs to see Clove sing something with tenderness. In reality, it’s because they are both female who only pledge allegiance to their respective Spanish-Colonial heritages when they need something. Oh, and PURE EVIL CANNOT BE TENDER.
Did you know Randy Jackson WORKS with Mariah Carey? He says its one of the best renditions of one of Mariah’s songs ever done on TV. The last bridge was excruciating and completely off-key. Like all of Jessica’s performance, this one is completely robotic and devoid of any legitimate emotion or comprehension of what she is singing about. To her, it is all vocal runs and octave jumping. Yet no one acknowledges this and Steven tells her she is going to be “the last one standing there.”
For Phil Phillips, Steven Tyler chose Madcon’s Beggin, which is the ONLY curiously interesting song of the evening. It’s a GOOD choice, even if we know how its going to pan out. (Naturally, Steven was responsible for P2′s “judge’s choice” because they are both white guys who once dabbled in rock & roll, and probably because a P2 performance is exactly like a Steven Tyler critique, the words might be different, but you always know what you’re gonna get.) With the exception of a job as an Aerosmith roadie (hello job security), this was probably the greatest gift Steven could give any contestant. As a WGWG, Phil is almost guaranteed victory, but the whiny fans of previous WGWGs calling for “a girl to win” and claiming Phil is “always the same” have me a little worried. But handing P2 a hip hop song when he’s in third position is always a surefire way to boost his chances. Nothing sets hearts aflutter like a WGWG turning a popular hip hop song into guitarama.
In several spots, Phil throws a bit more grit into his voice and shockingly, sounds less like Dave Matthews. He does strip out much of the melody but come on, you can still tell what he’s singing. He makes his constipated grunt-y faces so that’s all fun. And seems to actually be playing the guitar (Will always contend the show’s most skillful guitarist was Season 9′s Casey James). It eventually veers into DMB land, particularly the ending — leaving it open just seems very DMB, no? Do they do that in concert?
But this song did not offend me. Steven Tyler babbles something nonsensical and then tells P2 he wants him to write his own songs because he could be a “new age…[PAUSE] Boss.” Get this man on the bad stuff, someone, because he had more sanity and wiser judgment when he was on the sauce and whatever else. Phil Phillips, you’re not bad, kid, but you sure as hell should not be mentioned in the same breath as Bruce f**king Springsteen.
The judges fawn over Joshua and Phil, which is probably some ploy to score The Bad Seed more votes. So I can’t trust it. Nope. Never trust it. But IF there is any truth it in, it would be nice if people could just admit how unbelievably boring and unoriginal she is.
Contestants’ Choice / EVERYONE GETS KEYS TO THE CITY
Anyone else have the sudden urge to look through Joshua’s closet? No silly. But I guess I do see what I did there. I WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS SPORTS JACKETS. But this is the good part, you see, because we get to see the contestants go home. Granted, I do not expect any of them to top the two most touching Homecomings in American Idol history — Eliot and Mama Yamin is untouchable, but Kris Allen quietly uttering don’t cry mama, does sit comfortably in second place. ‘Tis always better to be from Small Town America when you’re on American Idol. After going from private jet to cop-escorted limo, Joshua muses that his town is treating him like Barack Obama.
Joshua gets to attend the Sheriff’s Crawfish Boil, which in all honesty, is probably one of the cooler things contestants have ever attended. After being feted with crawfish, JOSH then puts on his Sunday Finest because we’re going to his family’s church. His gregarious preacher Dad appears to share a simliar respect for the sharp sports jacket. It is a tiny ramshackle church, one even a non-believer can dig — especially after all the goddamned megachurches paraded about on this shit show — even if I’m about 99.9% positive they speak in tongues when cameras are not around. Joshua brings his beloved niece with him in that Ford Mustang convertible throughout town. Here’s hoping One-Eyed Wanda got a good shot for her Instagram!
Joshua then performs James Brown in a packed arena and there are fireworks, but I’m too giddy thinking about One-Eyed Wanda. Time to go back to LA! To the Swaybots! To the Idol stage! To sing his choice — John Lennon’s Imagine. I’m never going to buy a Joshua Ledet album. But as I’ve said throughout the season, this kid better not ever have a career where he is not singing. Imagine lends itself to easy-listening gospel quite well, but I do prefer Joshua at his James Brown best. And yes folks, even I felt a bit warm & fuzzy inside seeing his BFF Hollie Cavanaugh cheer him on from the audience. THEY WILL BE REUNITED ON THE TOUR! NO TEARS!
Gotta admit, I am looking forward to Jessica Sanchez’s homecoming bit. BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO RIFE WITH EVERYTHING I LOATHE. Plus with her being in a San Diego suburb called Chula Vista, she’s never going to have the reception of her rivals. Because people just don’t care in California.
I know that when I was at home, I was homeschooled…and like, I didn’t have, like, a lot friends…and I was like, a dork and no one liked me…and this time guys were chasing my car.
Listen sweetheart, you’re 16. Your social life should pretty much be your high school. And if you’re homeschooled and no one likes you, then you pretty much just are the scourge of suburban humanity. And frankly, who wants to see this girl sing, I just want to see her assessment tests. This kid can’t have more than a 6th grade education. Anyway, since she’s from a hop, skip, and a jump from LA, she gets to ride on a helicopter, not a lear jet. And then she hangs out in the empty stadium where she auditioned (HA) and the Padres play so she can see her name on the Jumbotron. They somehow packed the Chula Vista Ampitheater, but she doesn’t sing and only seems to stop by, so I assume they were all there for…something else. SOMETHING LIKE THE CHANNEL 933 SUMMER KICKOFF CONCERT! Clove’s family pretends to be happy she’s home, but they look all sad and depressed — especially her little brothers.
Somehow, Idol rounded up some people to stand on the street for a Jessica parade. No idea why this all commenced at a high school since homegirl does not attend high school and likely reads at a 4th grade level (Hey, if you can show me where her parents could actually teach in an accredited educational institution, I’ll retract that statement. Until then…). Naturally, Jessica gets off on being fawned over because this is how she um, this is her life blood. She gets a Jessica Sanchez Day in Chula Vista and then gets to hang out on a Navy ship not because they needed to put all of her fans in one place, but because her father is in the Navy. (Her father also looks around my age…this scares me.) Thank you for serving our country, Mr. Sanchez. Sorry I loathe your offspring. I’m sure her little brothers are good kids.
While Jessica Sanchez sings Aerosmith’s own I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing — HER CHOICE!!! HER CHOICE!!! Can we throw her off now because she CHOSE that song?! — I will take solace in the image burned into my retinas of Idol’s version of Patsy & Edina.
What goes through Jennifer Lopez’s mind whenever she hears this song? Does she think about Benny Boy, aka the one that got away? Does Steven think about his daughter? How his daughter made that movie and helped end Bruce & Demi’s marriage. SEE?! Armageddon is a very special part of our cultural fiber. Oh yeah, The Bad Seed belts it out without any emotion. If you heard that on the radio, you would turn it off out of boredom. And that final note? Not good — she cracked in the middle. JLo thinks it sent people into the heavens. When was the last time you ever heard these alleged judge people ever offer real criticism?
When we visit Leesburg, Georgia for Philip Phillips’ homecoming, where a throng of people are actually waiting at the airport for him. I assume during the in between time before a daylight pawn shop visit, he had a conjugal visit with his girlfriend. He also gets a cheese fries dish at his favorite restaurant named after him — which is a surefire omen you’re gonna win American Idol, just ask Kris Allen. Phillip Sr. and mom Sheryl are too damn adorable. Phil is visibly moved. Tears. TEARS. Come on, Sanchez, you were raised on this show. You should know the best way to pander for votes during homecoming is to CRY.
P2′s homecoming and adorable parents are almost enough for me to forgive him for turing a Disease, a Matchbox 20 song into a Dave Matthews Song, which is essentially the same as turning shit into sewage. Sexy Sax Girl is there — who wants to bet she ends up releasing an album all post-modern Candy Dulfer? But Sexy Sax Girl, sexy as she may be, isn’t really doing Phil Phillips any favors. Because she increases the DMB quotient. JLo, Steven, and Randy decide to actually criticize Phil for not MAKING IT A MOMENT. Uh, when the hell has Jessica Sanchez ever MADE A MOMENT? Ballad after ballad…even Joshua tends to do the same thing week after week.
Is Heejun Han just making faces because they lambasted P2? Maybe. Bigger question is WHY THE HELL IS COLTON DICKS-ON-A-STICK WEARING A DAMNED PINAFORE? Is he One-Eyed Wanda’s beard?
Jimmy Iovine’s Choice
Jimmy chose Mary J. Blige’s No More Drama for Joshua, which seems like a fairly safe and adept choice. And hell, any song that samples The Young & The Restless theme song, ya know? Joshua’s sparkly shoulders are a departure of sorts from his sharp sports jackets, but they catch the light a lot when you bounce around in fog. Whenever I see anyone bouncing on the Idol stage, I miss Skylar Laine. NOW JOSHUA IS STRIPPING AND TRYING TO WAKE UP HIS LEFT LEG. It must’ve fallen asleep. BFF Hollie is going crazy in the audience. (Again, I am touched) Damn, she is super tiny next to that baseball pitcher’s daughter who was on the show for like 2 minutes and wow, how did I recall the name Jeremy Rosado after all this time?
Personally, I would have picked something maybe more dynamic for Joshua, although this was a better fit than Imagine — but then again, he should not have been criticized for showing restraint when frankly, these people should be trying to show different facets of their talent. But you can’t win. You do something different, you weren’t that great. You do essentially the same song, you’re one-dimensional. You’re Jessica Sanchez doing a pathetic adult contemporary ballad every week, you’re akin to Whitney Houston. Don’t pretend any of it has any rhyme or reason.
Jessica pretends to be surprised when a box from AT&T arrives with a Beats by Dre speaker and matching Droid. The same setup in the oft-aired Jordan Sparks commercial. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE IDOL. Jimmy text her I’ll Be There by the Jackson 5. He wants to show people how young she is while still allowing her to resonate with older viewers. Groan. We are also told she is a child with the silhouette amusement park graphics aglow in the background. I’m tired. This is BORING. Boring. Randy is even bitching about there not being a moment-moment-moment and name checks Mariah again. Ok P2. It’s up to you. It’s yours to lose at this point.
P2 gets the Jordan Sparks package and all I know is that I really hope these kids get iPhones, too. Well, except for Clove. She needs a Droid in hot pink. But homegirl is really just a T-Mobile Sidekick when you come down to it. Yes, yes. I know I keep complaining about that kid. I’ll stop! [When she goes home.]
Jimmy wisely selects Bob Segar’s We’ve Got Tonight for Phil Phillips. Wait. Close your eyes. Who is this person? Who is singing?! It’s not Dave Matthews! It’s melodic. When it counted, P2 just sang when he needed to sing. And now there really is no doubt on who’s going to win.
Not just because I can’t stand the kid, but Jessica’s second position + lack of any real emotion during her performances or homecoming are what is going to do her in. Finally. It’s going to be a Phil vs. Joshua finale whether you like it or not. And please oh please oh please may those two not be forced to duet on Michael Jackson’s Black Or White.
Oh, American Idol. I can’t even bring myself to write about you on a weekly basis anymore on my Idol-centric blog. You’ve always been terrible, just god-awful, in fact, but there used to be some pleasure derived from watching you. TWO HOURS EVERY WEDNESDAY. Are you kidding me? You’ve eliminated any sort of minor pleasure I get from the show–Ok, well mainly the pleasure was derived from laughing at the batshit crazy fans salivating at whatever WGWG or not-really-closeted-but-closeted-for-the-show guy was on that season. But that’s barely fun anymore and as I actually ENJOY BBC’s new-fangled Sherlock, I don’t want to get caught up in the fact so many sex-starved women are watching this shit and making terrible, terrible things. And those of you who aren’t watching Sherlock are diddling yourselves while reading some horrific Twilight fan fiction that is somehow a words-on-paper (No way in hell I’m referring to it as LITERARY) phenomenon.
HAVE THE FANTARDS WON? Chew on that and maybe I will as well, but that’s another post for another day…back on topic.
Clearly, no one likes Idol anymore and its not just the continuously sagging ratings offering up the evidence. NO ONE in the music industry wants to give rights to their songs to be performed on this shit show. Tonight’s Top 3 song spoilers features Joshua Ledet, Jessica Sanchez Clove, and Phil Phillips singing TIRED renditions of everything we’ve heard every time before — Judges’ and Producers’ picks my ass, you guys just have a piss-poor catalog. Shockingly, no I Can’t Make You Love Me BUT we do have the most-overdone song in the history of Idol on the list, a song so overdone on this shit show I can no longer derive pleasure from it in its original form, granted was really only because of my deep, shameful, and unwavering love of the film in which the song was borne.
How can you even look yourself in the mirror, American Idol? You’ve never been good but damn, just when I think you’ve truly hit rock bottom, you manage to find (old) ways to hit new lows.
After a mere 3 hours of sleep last night and whole bunch of other writing to do, my only solution is to live blog tonight’s Top 5 American Idol. Blame the geniuses at 19 Entertainment and Fox for making this crap 2 hours. If I was ambitious, I would count the minutes not spent on singing but ambition must be wasted upon other more rousing endeavors. It shall not be wasted like The Rolling Stones’ Gimme Shelter in tonight’s long-winded opener.
19.09
Jennifer Lopez must now be trying to launch a career in figure skating. What’s with the sheer neckline 5 shades lighter than your skin tone? Michelle don’t Kwanna dance with you.
19.12
If you wonder why Little Steven Van Zandt makes appearances on American Idol when his boss, er, THE BOSS, would never dream of such tomfoolery, it is because his wife is a bit of an obsessive fan for one Mr. Daughtry. She has been reported as saying she finds the Season 5 contestant “more talented than Bruce Springsteen.”
Poor Little Stevie. Worse than getting whacked by Tony Soprano.
19.14
So Little Stevie’s wife withholds sex if he doesn’t go on this show, right? If there is a heaven, right now, the Big Man is looking down and shaking his head.
19.15
All of this being said, I would prefer just watching two hours of Jimmy Iovine and Little Stevie shooting the shit in somewhat coordinating casualwear.
19.22
Writing work email…glancing up. Suspect Idol is throwing us another ridiculous hashtag. #60sOnIdol. Throwing out new hashtags every week, and several during an episode, come on people. And right now, you’re technically showing TWO hashtags on the screen.
19.26
Can people stop singing River Deep Mountain High?! PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE?! I love Tina Turner more than the average human being but please. No more. Just stop.
Hollie could have tackled Bold Soul Sister and showed us some range. Damn. I must really live in a dream world, don’t I?
19.35
Still paused. Hollie, sweetie, that shirt is just…did Tommy Hilfiger put you in that just because Tangerine is this season’s uber-color?
19.37
How does Hollie’s British accent come out more and more every week? Oh gotcha. She’s in LA. Anyway, Hollie’s performance dress would be killer in different colors. But none of this is believable, but can’t really begrudge the kid for trying. Ouch, 1st part of bridge rough. OMG LITTLE WHITE GIRL TRYING TO DANCE LIKE TINA.
19.42
I just want to spoon my Oskar and forget about Ryan Seacrest’s pompadour and Randy Jackson’s weekly Kandi jewelry.
19.45
Please Little Stevie keep telling Jimmy Phil Phillips is okay doing his Dave Matthews schtick. I don’t even like Dave Matthews but this kid has to win this thing. Because a WGWG must always win. This has been ordained by people like the 45-year-old big blond waving around her homemade sign.
19.48
Uh oh. Ryan just outed P2 for having a girlfriend. They really want him out of here. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
19.51
GONNA GO SEE ABOUT A GIRL! Skylar is up! The saving grace of those with a vagina remaining on this show. Giving Skylar CCR’s Fortunate Son was an excellent idea. Anything where she gets to bounce around the stage and be awesome.
19.53
Twitter feed tells me Jessica Sanchez Clove is gonna do Tina Turner’s Proud Mary. Not cool. Not cool.
19.57
Joshua Ledet and Phil Phillips are doing You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling and they are not wearing military whites. Jesus christ idiots in the front row! Do they PAY you do to act like a piss-drunk Sox fan attempting the wave?
This is laughably bad but I’m enjoying it because neither Phil nor Josh give a rat’s ass at this point. It’s like watching most Jimmy Fallon skits on SNL.
20.01
No. They are not scared of singing that song to each other. They are acutely aware of how much this show sucks ass and how it is unnecessarily and painfully an hour too long.
20.03
Little Stevie wanted Jessica to not sing Proud Mary. And then he’s okay with it, so he confuses her by giving some musical math stuff that she does not understand as she has been “home-schooled” her entire life and math was not on her schedule.
20.03
OMG DO NOT EVEN TRY TO DANCE YOU EVIL CHILD!!!
20.03
Please say she sings this song because its all about “hard work.”
20.07
When Jessica Sanchez tries to infuse soul into a song, a kitten dies. Whenever Randy Jackson proves to be the voice of reason, it might be a puppy.
20.08
“Trying to get your inner Tina out?” Right now, I hope Tina is NOT watching.
20.10
Clearly Idol has realized Sexy Sax Girl is a bright spot so they’ve added a lot of tits and ass this season. Here’s hoping its a subtle way to subvert La Lopez.
20.11
Joshua doing The Temptations is a no-brainer. Please say this man never has to do anything else but sing for the rest of his life. Also please have him guest star on 30 Rock as Tracy Jordan’s long-lost younger brother.
20.12
Why do so many WGWG affeciandos fear the P2 so much? They are frightened of his WGWG power.
20.13
Wow Randy. Stop speaking the truth. You are frightening me. Modern mainstream R&B sucks donkey balls. You kind of said it. I am applauding you right now and its not even because I’m overtired.
20.15
None of the judges said Jessica was a standout. They also went all pussy and agreed with one another. It must be a ploy. However, I hope Jessica is in the back playing with a voodoo doll, or sharpening knives, which is what I assume she does in between boasting about her performance and preparing for the next one.
20.18
NEW HASHTAG! #BritsOnIdol
Hollie decides to bust out Simon Cowell protegee Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love. It begins with a heart bursting into hundreds of pieces. Like all of ours when Hollie again does not do something completely unexpected. BE UNEXPECTED. Please go to college and get drunk and skip class a couple of times and have your heart broken and die your hair some not-found-in-nature color. Please just go experience life and sing about something you experience. That is all. Nap time now.
20.24
Thought I was hallucinating, but that was definitely Steven Tyler eating chicken fingers at a Burger King.
20.32
P2 just like honeybadger! Doesn’t give a f**k! Hey, can you blame him when they’re spinning lame tie-dyed kaleidescopes behind him? Those high notes are exquisitely horrible. JLo doesn’t know what to say doesn’t even clap and then blatantly reads her script. Randy says he can sing the melody. Next to Little Stevie, Randy is the standout of tonight’s show.
20.38
Love the fact Hollie and Skylar cannot adequately contain their contempt for Clove.
20.45
Regis and Kelly go to a bank.
20.51
Sing Dusty Skylar sing Dusty…hey, didn’t someone do this a few weeks ago?
20.52
WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE NUZZLING ON A BENCH?!
20.55
If Skylar does win, or even come in second, for chrissake do not make her diet. She is beautiful just the way she is.
20.57
00 says Jessica Sanchez had no idea who Joe Cocker was.
I don’t like the word loungey. I don’t wanna be a lounge singer.
Listen kid, the truth hurts, but that’s just what you are.
20.58
Worst use of LED candles EVER.
20.58
About 10 kittens have died within the first 10 words of the song.
21.02
Yes. B/c every 16-year-old needs embellished stilettos.
21.07
Just have Jimmy and Little Stevie do everything important on this show for now on.
21.09
Wait…this isn’t the Bee Gees. Didn’t someone say he was doing the Bee Gees? Also, why are they spinning kryptonite behind Joshua?
21.10
Because the judges don’t wanna sit there any longer either, they stand up. How many standing ovations have they given the final performance of the night?
21.12
Just like Joshua, I thought it was Tom Jones. I almost want to vote tonight. For Joshua. Because he, too, loves Tom Jones.
21.13
Is it too late for me to write about Kris Allen’s run-in with the law? Because I meant to, I swear.
I was in California for work last week, thereby missing American Idol. Shed any tears? Natch. In any case, I would have been slightly bummed to see Elise Testone go home. As far as ballsy girls go this season, my hope now entirely lies on you Skylar Laine.
In any case, Elise is doing the talk show rounds. And forced to pose for photos with some vaguely familiar degenerate. Come on, Idol! What the hell did Elise do to you? Here’s hoping there was penicillin-infused lavender hand sanitizer in that green room.
So I DID NOT get to watch last night’s Top 7 Redeux of American Idol but I read a little about it. That little Parent Trap British Twin did good and Jessica Sanchez didn’t do too hot, so perhaps I should have watched it. Also gathered: Jennifer Lopez was wearing something leftover from The Cell and Randy Jackson spewed some bullshit about this being THE MOST TALENTED TOP 7 EVER. Has there ever been a season Randy did not proclaim the best ever?
Tonight Kris Allen performs his latest single A Vision Of Love, which is not a Mariah Carey cover. It seems Nigel Lythgoe and company also decided to be charitable and HOLY HELL THERE IS TAYLOR HICKS. Somewhere in the back of a paint store, Lee DeWyze patiently waits patiently for his invite.
Last night, 53 million votes were cast. While I did not catch the show because I was busy doing some DIY costume for a party this weekend — I don’t usually do this sort of thing — a realization occurred to me. Why is Hollie Cavanaugh always safe? Bingo. She lives in Texas.
Everyone sings Dancing In The Streets. More and more, I just love this Skylar Laine. As much as I like the fact Jessica Sanchez was totally muffled during her solo. The buckets are nice. Guys who play the buckets are the only ones I ever give money to when I’m walking down the street.
Poor Skylar Laine ALWAYS has to have that Colton Dixon grinding up on her all snake-like as per the producers whims. They also tried to smother The Parent Trap Girl with balloons but she survived. Sanchez is pissed! Sanchez has already bitched her parents out for not moving to some small town in Texas.
FORD MUSIC VIDEO TIME
This has something to do with tripping acid at The Joshua Tree and seeing yourself as an astrological sign. Poor Joshua Ledet looked up and discovered he was SANJAYA. Oh the humanity!
Seacrest asks Hollie something and she starts talking American but then trails off into some sort of semi-Britness. But nice romper! Oh how I love rompers. Tina Fey, if you ever read this blog, btw, please have Joshua Ledet on an episode of 30 Rock where he’s a Tracy Jordan doppelganger. Ok thanks. Anyway, Seacrest calls the both of them up first because they’re BFF and he likes torturing people. Now I’m pretty glad I did not hear Hollie’s Son Of A Preacher Man because it did nothing for me. That’s just not a nice girl song.
Jimmy Iovine is pimping the DRE BEATZ for no explicable reason. Jimmy prefers Joshua to Hollie. I hope he backs this up when Joshua gets booted and gets the guy a record album. But it won’t be this week because shockingly, Joshua is NOT in the Bottom 3. But Hollie is! Texas! You need to keep voting! Hollie has tough-looking family members who will kick your ass. They are not pleased.
Is anyone else bothered by these “Bad Idea” Verizon ads because they completely ripped off the “Bad Idea Jeans” commercial from 1980s SNL?
Before Kris Allen takes the stage, Ryan Seacrest talks to Taylor Hicks. Hicks is tanner than Seacrest. He announces he will be in Vegas this summer. Seacrest mutters something about that’s where Tay Tay belongs. All of it is a bit awkward.
Oh Kris Allen…please don’t get dizzy. They’re spinning you and your piano around pretty fast and I’m worried you might throw up. I also want to smack the person in charge of social media as they are completely incapable of creating a proper hashtag.
Kris Allen is one of my all-time favorite contestants. Kid is a true musician. So please oh please oh please can’t his label start letting him make music that isn’t like, The Fray Revisited? I just can’t get excited over A Vision Of Love even though I like his falsetto. If you see this guy and his band play live, they have a good amount of actual BITE. They can jam. They can have fun. American Idol has always had such a problem with Kris Allen being out and proud with his fun self, ya know? Even three years later, they’re trying their damnest to make him the earnest one. They’re even trying to spin him to the point of dizzy exhaustion before he gets off his rotating stage.
Colton Dixon is faux-brooding during Allen’s performance which is bizarre but understandable since Dixon only wants you to liken him to Daughtry and David Cook. He’s some sort of uh, purist…
Now up to Skylar Laine and Elise Testone. This is gonna be easy, ya know? Skylar has built up too much momentum + she’s got a strong country base. I don’t want to see either of these two girls go home. I don’t recall seeing another female contestant on this show come in with such a commanding FUN stage presence as Skylar Laine. Carrie Underwood sang like a damned stroke victim every week. Elise is screwed because JLo said GOOSIES. Sort of feel like the Alicia Keys song was also pandering. Alicia Keys is just soooo, soooooo, sooooo packaged to be karaoke-d on the American Idol stage.
Jimmy thinks Elise is going to be “spending some time in her vacation home in the bottom 3.” He also said something about Let’s Get It On triggering a baby boom but uh, I thought that was about 20 years beforehand. Elise is just about out of here, which is a shame because she’s got a fantastic voice. Skylar needs to just keep building this momentum because she CAN make the Top 3. And when she’s still standing there and Jessica Sanchez is sent home, I will clap in the privacy of my own living room. Jimmy Iovine says she’s the best performer on the show — who doesn’t wholeheartedly concur?
Seacrest sends Elise to the Bottom 3 which pretty much means she’s going home…The entire send off to the uncomfortable stools was just so damn ominous. Will she? Won’t she? It’s time for LMFAO!
Since LMFAO is just the sons of Motown who decided to make a parody act + last night’s soul theme, I suppose it is apt for a Dick Clark tribute from Ryan Seacrest at this point in the show. He’s already writing his tribute piece for EW’s end of the year issue, no doubt. And Seacrest, really? Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve is the Dick Clark-ness closest to our hearts? Question: Has anyone ever enjoyed Rockin’ Eve outside of a childhood nostalgia context?
I don’t buy the faux-sniffle-tear move, JLo, not one bit. Now can someone tell me if LMFAO sings anything other than Party Rocking? But they might be doing it acoustic or something because it sounds completely different without the autotune. Like are all their songs called Party Rocking? That’s a pretty funny joke if its true. They should do that! They’re just parodying the Black Eyed Peas, right? In that case, they really DO deserve a BETTER HASHTAG. Although they did capitalize Idol this time around — sorry Kris Allen, as you do have a handful of butt-hurt fans who will internalize this, and you still have those passive-aggressive Glamberts still following your each & every move and they’ll point this out all passive-aggressively in the comments section at MJs or in the headache-inducing (Who does UX for Sony? Call them for me, too.) AdamOfficial.com. (In reality, someone just made a typo when they did the chryon. Don’t hurt them! Don’t send them black eyeliner and For Your Entertainment, either. )
Does American Idol even realize that you DO NOT HAVE TO HASHTAG EVERY INSTANCE OF THE SHOW? Perhaps this is an “easy way” to measure what people are talking about but you’re not going to get clear metrics because most Twitter users will completely disregard this hashtag. You’re forcing people to just load up 140 characters with annoying hashtags rather than simply using a tool to discern sentiment of your existing tweets mentioning the show. With all the money this show makes, purchasing software that pulls this information should be exceedingly simple. Aren’t you more curious to see what people are saying about your show outside of the hashtag — also considering some of these hashtags literally have a lifespan of about 20 minutes total. Keep your #telljimmy. That works. That’s weekly. Not a huge fan but at least you are consistent and sometimes I do use it. If you’re going to introduce an a secondary hashtag, that one is solid.
Seriously. You are American Idol. You might suck but you are still somewhat of a slick money-making machine with millions of viewers every week. You should have an effective social media strategy in play. Creating numerous hashtags for a single show should not be part of said strategy.
LMFAO is either a Black Eyed Peas tribute band or an actual parody act. Still not sure.
It is now down to Colton, Phil Phillips, and Jessica Sanchez. Regardless of how few people voted for her, Clove won’t be in the Bottom 3 after last week’s overwrought [see: staged] save. With the exception of Sexy Sax Girl on P2′s In the Midnight Hour, the whole thing kind of sucked, especially this misuse of classic neon signage in the background. Colton Dixon should just be sent home immediately for turning Bad Romance into a Daughtry B-Side and turning Earth, Wind & Fire into a David Cook number. All of his performances sound alike just as Phil’s do, just admit it.
Naturally, Jessica Sanchez did Alicia Keys’ Fallin‘ and she wore her hair wavy in a pathetic attempt to appear more relatable. Jimmy says he just now realized Clove is singing songs too old her for — really? Really? YOU JUST NOW CAUGHT THAT? After she sang a beyond tired Alicia Keys song about loving a man in prison? (Didn’t an 8-year-old David Archuleta also sing this song on Star Search?) Just now? Not after Whitney Houston’s ode to letting a lover go? Not after…all of Jessica Sanchez’s performance?
Jessica Sanchez has likely never sang an “age-appropriate” song because no one does that for pageants. Of course Jessica is safe. As is…Phil Phillips!! Colton Dixon, you are in the BOTTOM 3!!! Jesus does not like you as much as you thought, buddy! Because Jesus doesn’t like Daughtry music.
Maybe there IS a Flying Spaghetti Monster because Elise is NOT IN THE BOTTOM 2! Colton could go home! Colton could go home! A week ago, people were proclaiming him the winner and that P2 lost steam. Hahahahahahahahaha. Not happening, but as Idol will do anything to proclaim a female the winner, I buy anything they allege counted by Price-Waterhouse to be an absolute sham. Colton has been too damn cocky and he winks at the audience. People get freaked out when a rooster winks at them without a context. Perhaps people get tired of the cocky eye-f**king ones around this time.
Colton’s poor sister Schyler is in the audience crying, when she should be jumping for joy after all the times this show shit on her. Colton looks shocked and pissed. He apologizes for “not being himself last night.” Oh come on. You were too cocky. And you called your fans #messengers. I am not sorry you um, are leaving in SEVENTH PLACE.
Skylar Laine is flat-out thrilled right now because she doesn’t have to worry about you dry humping her leg until the last show of the season. Poor Hollie is sobbing because she has no idea how the hell she’s still there. All the while Colton Dixon leaves us on his knees, pleading with America to make him the next…Daughtry.
Since American Idol has a TWO F**KING HOUR time slot, they’ve finally decided to have the contestants move into doing TWO songs. Tonight’s theme for the Top 7 Redeux is Now & Then aka Just About Every Overdone Song Ever.
On American Idol, bad things come in twos.
As it seems to have always been “leaked” this season, a photo is posted via Twitter of the band’s set list with no contestant names attached. TWO Lady Gaga songs. TWO Alicia Keys song. (Oh, Alicia Keys. Like Boardwalk Empire and Peter Weir, you are just one of those things that’s good in theory and not in practice.) Also TWO Marvin Gaye songs into the “Then” category for good measure.
Now
No One by Alicia Keys
I Believe by Fantasia
Rolling In The Deep by Adele
U Got It Bad by Usher
Born This Way by Lady Gaga
Fallin’ by Alicia Keys
Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
Then
In The Midnight Hour by Wilson Pickett
A Change Is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke
September by Earth, Wind & Fire
Son Of A Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield
Try A Little Tenderness by Otis Redding
Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye
Let’s Get It On by Marvin Gaye
So let’s play what contestant will sing what:
Joshua Ledet
Safe bet Joshua is doing Fantasia’s I Believe, especially after last week’s birthday shout out. He’s gonna try to capitalize on his “Mantasia” reputation as much as he can during these remaining weeks in the competition. Joshua is an incredibly powerful vocalist and has proven he can own songs-that-aren’t-ballads with last week’s rendition of Bruno Mars’ Runaway Baby. But let’s face facts — Joshua will at best finish in 4th place, likely 5th. There is no African-American vote on American Idol – we all know what middle-aged women and these mythical “teen voters” go for, and its not a soulful, pulled-from-the-choir black man. (Or he’s the one doing Usher, since you know, he’s the “black guy.)
As much as I wish Joshua would sing Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacher Man, its a safe bet he will be taking on Earth, Wind, & Fire’s September. But let’s face it, Joshua would be close to perfect on ANY of these tunes.
Jessica Sanchez
This season’s resident mean teen girl almost went home in last week’s “shock elimination” (spare me) which culminated in the judges displaying poor acting skills as they plead with America to vote for the souless, robotic teenager who knows nothing about “hard work.” Even though she doesn’t connect with any viewers with a modicum of taste, Jessica isn’t going to start working hard now, at least when it comes to showing another side of herself because there just isn’t one. So look to Clove to bust out one of the worst, most overplayed & overwrought songs of our time, Alicia Keys’ Fallin’.
If the 16-year-old even attempts Dusty Springfield’s ode to banging a preacher’s son, the judges will likely not call her out for doing material she can’t possibly connect with. This is a bit of a conundrum but Jessica may likely be doing I Heard It Through The Grapevine a la Gladys Knight and The Pips.
Colton Dixon
This one should be somewhat easy. Colton plays piano and likes to screw with the tempo to “make things his own.” He’s also not going to do anything too risque given he LOVES JESUS. Alicia Keys’ No One seems like the safest bet.
Same goes with Colton’s “Then” choice — we can definitely rule out Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, since Colton LOVES JESUS. Which also means he won’t be doing Dusty Springfield. Maybe Otis Redding or Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Gonna Come? (The latter of which should never be touched by a talented female in her mid to late-20s who is in danger of leaving because middle-aged women do not like her — remember that awesome Lilly something or another? Glamberts still think Adam Lambert owns this song.)
Phil Phillips
Speaking of doing the same thing week in and week out, Phil does risk finishing second to Colton Dixon in what is really just a WGWG Battle Royale if he doesn’t do SOMETHING different. If I were P2, I would be the one doing Adele’s Rolling In The Deep. You’ve already heard this song way too many times by way too many people. It’s still a great song, but…Rather than one of the obvious girls doing it.
For “Then,” you can pretty much picture Phil doing Wilson Pickett’s In The Midnight Hour, but…I’m gonna go with Let’s Get It On. This should keep Philsy safe for a few more weeks, and its a smart move considering his obvious fan base.
Skylar Laine
Oh my Skylar, I love you so. So I would REALLY love to see you put a little honky tonk into Lady Gaga, doesn’t matter which one, but…Bad Romance is my favorite.
Now this one could do Dusty Springfield. Can she? Pretty please? Only her or Elise should be allowed to touch that bad boy.
Hollie Cavanaugh
I have no idea about this one because I keep forgetting she is on the show. But maybe she should sing Born This Way as an ode to her WTF Lubbock via Liverpool accent? But listen sweetie, do not slow it down all a capella like because that SOOOOO did not work when you attempted Pink.
Even more stumped for “Then.” Try A Little Tenderness? Heard It Through The Grapevine? I GOT NOTHING.
Elise Testone
Oh Elise, you and Skylar are the last 2 girls I actually like, but I fear neither of you are not long for this world. Also wondering about the chances of you doing Lady Gaga after singing Lady Gaga last week. And you did do Adele earlier in the season…so will you attempt some god awful Alicia Keys?
Please do Dusty Springfield. Please own this bad boy a la Season 5′s Nadia Turner. (Every season, I have to make a mention of Nadia Turner because to this day, she remains one of my all-time favorite contestants.)
Gotta run. Catch ya later. How long do you think you will be able to sit through this nonsense tonight?
